Question re: logistics of nanny with second child

MickeyM04

This is a two-part question for those of you with nannies and multiple children.

I understand nanny rate of pay varies widely by region, but is there a formula or anything to use for the second child?  Like extra $__  per hour, or __% raise?  I've heard everything from $1-$3 per hour extra to 5-20% raise.  Obviously there's a big difference on one end versus the other so I wasn't sure what is more standard. 

Maternity leave.  I have 12 weeks off.  Maybe I'm naive but I would like to have some alone time with both kids while I'm on leave and not have our nanny come every single day at her usual hours (7am - 6pm --long, I know, but we commute an hour each way to work).  I'm toying with the idea of having her come 3 days a week, from like 9-5, or maybe 8-4 or something like that.  And then if she's agreeable reducing her pay during the time when I'm on leave since I don't think it's fair to pay her normal salary if we aren't using her full time.  Now obviously this is something she would have to agree to (reduced hours, reduced pay), but putting all that aside I'm wondering what others have done.  And I am very open to suggestions like, "Oh I tried that too but I was miserable and it was too hard with a newborn so I had her come back full-time at her normal hours."  I'm hoping to come to some sort of decision before the baby comes that I can stick with so I'm looking for real world experiences now.  I would hate to say oh yeah just come Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-5 and then I'm miserable and asking her to come back but then she's signed on to do something else during MWF and I'm SOL.  You know?

chloebeth930

I feel like it would be difficult to ask someone to take 3 months unpaid leave or 3 months of part time leave.  If I were in your situation I would have a sit down discussion with your nanny and see what she is willing to do.  I think that will help you to decide what you need to do in terms of having her go down to part time for those 12 weeks or what.

If she isn't willing to have a decrease in her pay, maybe you could switch her job dutties around to cooking/cleaning/running errands/taking your older son out to the park and such (if she is willing of course).  That way you can still have time by yourself with the kids, but still keep your nanny without having her there taking care of the kids all day.

FWIW, my mom quit her full time job in order to stay home with my daughter. We pay her what a daycare would charge us.  When I go on maternity leave (when I am pregnant that is) I will continue to pay my mom her full salary and have her as sort of an on-call basis during the week, and also for planned appointments, and playgroups for the older child. 

MickeyM04

Hi @chloebeth930!  How have you been?!

We are sort of in a different situation, because our nanny brings over her two children with her (a 4 year old and a newborn)...before she got pregnant I had been of the mindset that I would have her come over every day for at least a few hours to entertain DS/help me with DD...her little man will be almost 5 by then so he's pretty independent in terms of amusing himself. 

Now I'm sort of on the fence because I don't know how helpful she would be able to be with an almost 5 year old, a 7 month old, and my 2 year old DS.  I mean she's obviously capable to watch all the kids on her own when I'm not there but I'm overall just not thrilled with the idea of being on maternity leave and having six people in my house (me and 2 kids, and nanny and her 2 kids).  I feel like it would be kind of overwhelming for me, you know what I mean?  It's not a situation of just having another adult come over and help with stuff.  I had sort of vaguely broached that issue with her when she got pregnant and we just kind of never got into it but she said she could see my point.

All in all, I guess it comes down to 3 things:

1. I am not keen on paying someone to take care of my child while I'm in the same house and probably capable of doing it myself, you know?  I mean I'm the person who, when I was home sick a couple weeks ago, was still dragging myself out of bed to make DS's breakfast and lunch (over nanny's protests) and when I heard him crying, just out of an inability to not help my child when I'm right there.  I realize not paying someone at all for 3 months is ridic, so that's why I was more on board with a part time approach so everyone is making a compromise.

2. I really do want alone time with the two kids before I go back to work.  I really cherished my time with DS when I was on leave and I want that experience again without having three other people in my house to share it with.  And I want to learn how to be a mom to two kids without having a crutch (i.e. our nanny) to help me all the time.

3. I am not thrilled with the idea of having another adult and two kids in my house everyday...I feel like I'll be overwhelmed enough without having twice as many kids in the house.  Will I really be getting that much more help than if it was just me?  I mean she has worked in daycare forever so it's not an issue of I don't trust her to be able to watch 3 or 4 kids at once, especially since that's what will happen after leave, I'm just wondering if the help will be worth the hassle of having that many extra people in the house.

The only "compromise" I can think of is having her take DS every day to her house but then a) I don't get to be with him, and b) he's out of his environment which part of the benefit of a nanny is she comes to us and DS sleeps in his own crib, plays with his own toys, etc.  So I don't really like that option although it does solve 2 of the 3 problems above.

PSU_Texan

I agree with the others.  You cannot ask her to take a pay cut just because it's convenient for you.  I wouldn't even bring it up; leaves a bad taste in the mouth.  I would recommend having a discussion about other things she could take on... shopping, meal prep, laundry, cleaning, errands.  This is a good time to feel her out on these things because there may come a day when your oldest attends pre-school and she is down one child.  You want to make sure you are using her time wisely.

Frankly, I loved having my nanny still full time when I was on maternity leave with my 2nd.  I was able to sleep, take the oldest to do fun things by herself, and spend alone time with the baby. 

MickeyM04

Yeah I think it is kind of a different perspective because my nanny comes with 2 kids. So I don't know that the usual, have your nanny come anyway so you can sleep or so she can run errands or help with chores is going to apply so much. It's not like I have one adult coming and just sort of acting like the stand in parent while I rest or nurse or what have you. I have an adult, a 4 year old and a 5 month old coming. So I don't know that she's going to be watching a 4 year old, 2 year old and 5 month old and also cleaning up, doing laundry, running errands, I know everyone is saying it's great to have the help while you're on leave but I'm assuming no one else's nanny comes with two kids as well.

Strunella

I plan on having our nanny keep her regular schedule after the baby comes, with her focusing on DS1 and me focusing on the baby.  Honestly, she's been on vacation for 2 weeks already (one more week to go), and DS has been driving me crazy.  Part of that is circumstances...we just moved last week and I'm 9 months pregnant...but I can't even imagine keeping up with my high energy 3 year old and a newborn by myself.  I'm already exhausted and baby isn't even here yet!

Before we hired our nanny, we told her that her hours would go from 47.5 to 35.5 (and her pay would be reduced accordingly) when DS started preschool in the fall.  We ended up pulling him from preschool, and learned that nanny had taken some cleaning jobs in the mornings.  She also liked having some free mornings to take care of her own errands, etc.  So, while our nanny knew the circumstances up front, she liked the reduced hours arrangement.  It's possible yours might be ok with it as well.  Of course, we were lucky that she was able to mostly accommodate our change of schedule when we sprung it on her that we again needed her 47.5 hours.  If your nanny is amenable to reduced hours, you do risk that she won't be available FT if you change your mind.

This might just be me, but I also think that's too many young children for one person to take care of. 

csbucher

If you are fine with the possibility of having her take another opportunity I would try the reduced hours. It is not really fair to ask her to take a pay cut and ask her to not seek other opportunities. Personally, I found it hard to find child care that I was happy with and I would rather pay a little extra to guarantee loyalty (especially if I was getting paid maternity leave).