DD (7w) EBF, and DS (4.5yo) has ADHD and defiance issues, we have a dog and cat, and DH who works 40-50hours a week, but I think frankly, he has adhd too.
Regarding DH, unless I tell him what I need at that moment I need it, no matter how much I tell him (talking heart-to-heart, lists, notes or nag and scream) the participation is there for a day or two, but then he zones out again. Its like having a teenager in the house sometimes - either he is present or his back is turned, there is no in between for him. That being said, he still likes to hang out at the house with us, and he very much loves his family. This has always been DH's personality, its just sometimes Mommy wants to take a break too. Our household is like the movie, "Look Who's Talking 2"
A couple of difficulties we're/I'm having with DS is:
As an example, when DD is sleeping he will want to touch her face, grab her hands. Now, while these are gestures of love, when we say, "No buddy, leave her alone, she is sleeping." He will hyper-focus on her, pushing his way around us so he could do what he wants, now he is 45lbs so needless to say its...its a little nervewracking. This also happens with her toys (pacis, blankets etc) its as though his mind his calling him, urging him to touch these objects, to place them on her even if everyone is saying don't touch. Is this a phase? Is this attention? Pre-DD he was a fairly good listener, now...he does test the boundaries more. Some days are better than others too.
I also try to have DS get out energy for 20min a day, but sometimes when he gets over-stimulated overheated in this case) the defiance comes out. I've had the police get called, because his tantrum (screaming) was so out of control in public that someone thought I was hurting him. I handle the tantrums now by telling him that we will wait (in a safe spot) until he behaves & calms down, when he does we talk about it, apologize and move on. Now, yesterday he had tantrum after tantrum when he was out on a bike ride. One time we had to stop, and he kept trying to walk into the road (we were in a grassy patch) and attempted to bite me when I was holding his bike (example of an activity stopping until he behaves). Now I didn't have DD with me (DH was watching her), but I couldn't imagine if I did. Any words of wisdom? Will I be able to take both children out?
DS is also so busy, that pre-DD I wasn't nervous taking him out. Now I don't know what to do if I need to nurse in public. Do I nurse in the car before I leave? I know some mommies who do that, and bring an electronic device to distract them while we wait, but I can't always do that - he can't be glued to the devices. Any advice from moms who've been there?
I'm just nervous to me in a situation where physically I won't be able to handle it. While I am looking for good advice, I am also noticing I'm burning the candle at both ends, which is a sign of me needing a break. I have pumped enough milk for a bottle or two, so I think I may take a couple of hours by myself, which DH is more than willing to do. He seems to fair well when I leave the kids with him too.