FFFC

Soleil3

Ktbug613 said:

First I just want to offer hugs to those of you who said your relationships are suffering a lack of balance. Both being a wife and a mom are hard! I don't have any fantastic advice except to say how much of a difference it can make to make time for your relationship too. However the catch is that it takes effort on BOTH parts. If you ladies are doing all the baby work, all the housework, and possibly even working too its no wonder you can't balance everything and IMO your SOs have no room to complain. The only way I have found to balance everything is with help from hubs. We have time for each other at the end of the night because he helps clean up dinner while I tend to baby or he gets her ready for bed and down for the night while I finish up laundry/dinner ect. Everything gets done with time to relax and we aren't so exhausted. (To be fair though we also have a very easy/independent baby)

I have two confessions: First I reported my own work to state board....I will be on the shit list now but I don't care

Second: I suck at being a working mom, and I hate every single second of it.

edit: I didn't just misspell I totally left out words

For me it wasn't for lack of help, it was just like, I got stuck in this new fancy "MOM" box and I didn't know how to step out of it for WIFE time. It was a very mental thing, the sun fell out of the sky and into my arms and I didn't know I could love anything that much, ever. So it took awhile to siphon off some of that attention and give it to myself, and my husband  

Ktbug613

Makes sense @soleil3

kwrecks

I don't know if this is a FFFC, but I feel guilty asking for me time.  As I said, DH works a lot and I feel like he needs more time off than me,  I feel bad leaving LO.  I dont want her to have a meltdown in someone eles care.  I knopw I need to let her be with someone other than me, and I need some me time, but I just feel guilty.

tts432462

kwrecks said:

BlondieBia21 said:

My confession: I feel my relationship falling apart and I'm not doing anything about it. I have no idea how to balance the "mom" role and the "girlfriend" role so that everyone is happy. And sorry SO but mom role comes first and always will.

I'm having a hard time too. It's been really hard (I know my own choice) to become mom and wife in a matter of 3 months. I don't know how to be "wife." Majority of the time it just seems like we are roommates with a baby. I don't think that's how married life should be, but I don't know how to transition. I try to be wife, but I get no "husband" in return. Now I just do what's best for LO.

I'm in the same boat as you guys.  DH works a lot.  He is gone from 10am (right after he wakes up) until 8:30-9pm.  We are in the process of buying the restaurant that he works at, and I fear that things will become even worse once we own the place.  DH and I had a long talk the other day about buying the restaurant because I told him how scared I was of this, and he told me that buying the restaurant will require a lot of work now so that we can set ourselves up for the future.  Which I know is true, but it's hard to justify seeing him less now when LO is little.  We are in desperate need of a night alone without LO and I have been putting it off because I don't have enough frozen BM to last her overnight, and you all know that I am sad about giving her formula, even though she'd be fine.  Now that we've given her formula, I'm not as worried about it, but before I thought there was no way we'd ever get to go away.  He is taking a vacation in 2 weeks and we are going to try to take one night to get away, even if it's just getting a hotel room in our city and trying to get back to where we were.

@kwrecks we bought our restaurant about a year ago and opened six months ago.  Your fears are very justified.  I don't say that to scare you or deter you.  If it's your dream as a family you should definitely go for it.  It's amazing to see my husband running the restaurant and being proud of it.  But, if you don't think you see much of him now, wait until you actually own it.  It's been a really hard adjustment for me.  I just have to keep in mind that this is going to be really great for our family one day and that my husband is doing everything he can to try to balance it all.  If you ever need to vent to someone you can always PM me.  I know what you are going though!

My FFFC - I pump in an empty office that has a couch in it.  There is absolutely no one working today.  I'm thinking of taking a quick nap in there before my next pumping session.  Also, I came back to work yesterday and I plan to leave early today.  I just can't bear to sit here doing absolutely nothing while no one is here knowing I could be at home with LO.

nnikki10

My mom began talking yesterday about retiring and taking care of dd and my sister's daughter. I did everything I could to encourage her. DH said to leave her alone and let her make her own decision. But it would be so awesome if she would. I might continue to point out to her how awesome it would be.

We have daycare and I don't " need" my mom but it would be such a weight lifted off.

kwrecks

@tts432462 Thank you! Luckily, the restaurant we are buying is already running smoothly, has been open and successful for almost 4 years.  The owner has slowly been inching his way out over the past year, and now DH basically runs the place, and the owner is hardly ever there. When we take over, I'll do a lot of the office work, money runs, paying bills, etc., all stuff that hopefully I will be able to take LO with me, and we will be able to see DH often.  Like you said, I know this is good for our future, as DH reminded me, we will be able to buy a nicer house, actually have money in our savings, start a good college fund for LO....but the present time is hard to get through.

KQuinonez

nnikki10 said:

My mom began talking yesterday about retiring and taking care of dd and my sister's daughter. I did everything I could to encourage her. DH said to leave her alone and let her make her own decision. But it would be so awesome if she would. I might continue to point out to her how awesome it would be. We have daycare and I don't " need" my mom but it would be such a weight lifted off.

My mom watches DS and it is such a blessing.  I would have put him in daycare if I had to but I am so much happier he is with her.  Plus she comes to my house so I do not have to get him up at 4:30 in the morning. 

RK125

I watch Dance Moms.

tts432462

@kwrecks you're lucky you can do that.  I would love to be able to quit my job and work at the restaurant doing the same thing.  Unfortunately we need my insurance so right now I can't.  It will be a big adjustment for all of you, but it's worth it to see a dream coming true.  Good luck with it.  I hope it all works out for you guys.  It souds really exciting!

BellaOso

RK125 said:

I watch Dance Moms.

Me too. Chloe and Kristy are my favorites. I think Maddie looks like she is pooping when she makes her crazy dance faces.

My FFFC - Someone is going to have something to say about this!

I'm convinced part of the reason DD2 wakes so frequently is because she can smell me. We have a small house but an inexplicably good sized walk in closet.  Last night we converted our walk in closet to a mini nursery for LO. We cleared everything out and made it nice and cozy, put her monitor and the PNP, and she went to sleep drowsy but a awake in her suit. We left the door cracked. She only woke 2x - down from 5-6 times. Either my smell or us moving/snoring etc. was keeping her awake. We are all much happier today. (We only have 2 bedrooms and DD1 is in the 2nd bedroom, so it is with us or wake up DD1 alllll night long.)

Whateves! My baby sleeps in a closet and I am not ashamed because my eyes feel slightly less like sand paper.

Michelle N

I'm with you all on the relationship front! We have mostly good days, but we have a few bad days in there too. My confession: DH is currently renovating the basement so we have an additional family room. I am so annoyed with how long he's taking to mud and sand everything. He's so meticulous, it's a PITA. This project has been on-going forever. I could absolutely never be with anyone that played video games for any amount of time, because I can't handle it when he takes too long to do things that are useful. 

MommyKristin88

tarapike86 said:

I did CIO last night..... With my three and a half year old. It took her 3 hours to go to sleep last night. Crazy girl would not go to sleep

She cried for 3 hours?

MinnesotaMomma91

My sister just called, i didnt answer cause ds is asleep and sick. She left a voicemail telling me to call her back. I have no intention of doing so. Im goingto pretend my phone is messing up

BellaOso

tts432462 said:

*snip*

My FFFC - I pump in an empty office that has a couch in it.  There is absolutely no one working today.  I'm thinking of taking a quick nap in there before my next pumping session.  Also, I came back to work yesterday and I plan to leave early today.  I just can't bear to sit here doing absolutely nothing while no one is here knowing I could be at home with LO.

Holy crap! That couch would so be getting napped on if I was you. Couch, quiet office = Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Enjoy the crap out of that nap.

MagPie 1986

pfftyouarenuts said:

I really try hard not to judge other moms on their decisions in parenting... but honestly... smoking around your child is fucking ridiculous. I'm sorry... but you shouldn't have kids if you smoke in the house or the car with them. 

I'm going to snowball off this and add that I especially side-eye women who smoke with young kids because, assuming you quit while pregnant, the habit is kicked and why on earth would you start again once they're born.

And I also watch dance moms and love it!

RoosterMemphis

I just watched 3 episodes of Dora the Explorer while LO slept.

Edit- I learned some Spanish. I'm happy about it

girlmama83

starscream said:

lindsey61811 said:

If I had known how fucked up DB's family was before we started dating, I may not have started.

The sad part of your confession is that it's true. And now you have a baby with him which permanently ties you to them.

Well for the most part they aren't even actually around, but that's what makes them all fucked up.

tarapike86

MommyKristin88 said:

tarapike86 said:

I did CIO last night..... With my three and a half year old. It took her 3 hours to go to sleep last night. Crazy girl would not go to sleep

She cried for 3 hours?
Yup. Cried, whined, moaned, screamed. It did not matter if I was rubbing her back, or not in there. She was so overtired that I don't think she could even stop herself. It was horrible. I even rocked her. It was very upsetting for all of us

tts432462

BellaOso said:

RK125 said:

I watch Dance Moms.

Me too. Chloe and Kristy are my favorites. I think Maddie looks like she is pooping when she makes her crazy dance faces.

My FFFC - Someone is going to have something to say about this!

I'm convinced part of the reason DD2 wakes so frequently is because she can smell me. We have a small house but an inexplicably good sized walk in closet.  Last night we converted our walk in closet to a mini nursery for LO. We cleared everything out and made it nice and cozy, put her monitor and the PNP, and she went to sleep drowsy but a awake in her suit. We left the door cracked. She only woke 2x - down from 5-6 times. Either my smell or us moving/snoring etc. was keeping her awake. We are all much happier today. (We only have 2 bedrooms and DD1 is in the 2nd bedroom, so it is with us or wake up DD1 alllll night long.)

Whateves! My baby sleeps in a closet and I am not ashamed because my eyes feel slightly less like sand paper.

There's nothing wrong with this!  It sounds like a win win situation to me.  She has her own space and everyone sleeps better.  And someday you can tell her about how she used to sleep in a closet.  It will be an endearing story!

Now excuse me while I go nap on the empty couch!

MagPie 1986

tarapike86 said:

tarapike86 said:

I did CIO last night..... With my three and a half year old. It took her 3 hours to go to sleep last night. Crazy girl would not go to sleep

She cried for 3 hours?

Yup. Cried, whined, moaned, screamed. It did not matter if I was rubbing her back, or not in there. She was so overtired that I don't think she could even stop herself. It was horrible. I even rocked her. It was very upsetting for all of us

I think it's only CIO if you leave them alone.  LOs cry when overtired but, as long as you're trying to console, it's ok.  It's when they're alone crying for you and you refuse to console that makes it a terrible practice. 

Soleil3

RoosterMemphis said:

I just watched 3 episodes of Dora the Explorer while LO slept. Edit- I learned some Spanish. I'm happy about it

Marvel1013

Rude, impolite people can go suck it. What happend to please and thank you's, pardon me's, or excuse me? Seriously.. A little bit of politeness in your life won't hurt.

sparks4stp

kkay1982 said:

Starting the 17 Day Diet today.  I did it before I got married and I really liked it. Chicken is allowed in the first 17 days but I am already trying to justify that it means fried chicken and not grilled chicken. I don't see it going so well this time around.

I did this before my wedding too and lost so much weight. Then got pregnant. I'm planning on starting up Monday. Not looking forward to it haha

Soleil3

hstautz said:

I really try hard not to judge other moms on their decisions in parenting... but honestly... smoking around your child is fucking ridiculous. I'm sorry... but you shouldn't have kids if you smoke in the house or the car with them. 

I'm going to snowball off this and add that I especially side-eye women who smoke with young kids because, assuming you quit while pregnant, the habit is kicked and why on earth would you start again once they're born. And I also watch dance moms and love it!

I'll bite, I quit smoking December 18, 2013 when I found out I was pregnant. Cold turkey I just stopped. LO was born September 2 3013. I started smoking again October 20. I don't smoke it the car with LO, I don't smoke in the house, and I don't hold LO when I smoke. Side eye if you want but if a cig helps me not want to blow my brains out then I'm smoking one and I don't give a fuck.

You need proper Dr prescribed medication. Not to self medicate.

MommyKristin88

hstautz said:

I really try hard not to judge other moms on their decisions in parenting... but honestly... smoking around your child is fucking ridiculous. I'm sorry... but you shouldn't have kids if you smoke in the house or the car with them. 

I'm going to snowball off this and add that I especially side-eye women who smoke with young kids because, assuming you quit while pregnant, the habit is kicked and why on earth would you start again once they're born. And I also watch dance moms and love it!

I'll bite, I quit smoking December 18, 2013 when I found out I was pregnant. Cold turkey I just stopped. LO was born September 2 3013. I started smoking again October 20. I don't smoke it the car with LO, I don't smoke in the house, and I don't hold LO when I smoke. Side eye if you want but if a cig helps me not want to blow my brains out then I'm smoking one and I don't give a fuck.

You might want to seek therapy. That's not normal...

MagPie 1986

hstautz said:

I really try hard not to judge other moms on their decisions in parenting... but honestly... smoking around your child is fucking ridiculous. I'm sorry... but you shouldn't have kids if you smoke in the house or the car with them. 

I'm going to snowball off this and add that I especially side-eye women who smoke with young kids because, assuming you quit while pregnant, the habit is kicked and why on earth would you start again once they're born. And I also watch dance moms and love it!

I'll bite, I quit smoking December 18, 2013 when I found out I was pregnant. Cold turkey I just stopped. LO was born September 2 3013. I started smoking again October 20. I don't smoke it the car with LO, I don't smoke in the house, and I don't hold LO when I smoke. Side eye if you want but if a cig helps me not want to blow my brains out then I'm smoking one and I don't give a fuck.

But there are other practices that you can adopt to help curb this emotion without exposing your child to third-hand smoke.  Third-hand smoke is a relatively new concept saying the residual chemicals and nicotine that provide that "smoker" smell actually can be harmful and carcinogenic.  So, it doesn't matter if they're not around you when you actually smoke; it can still have detrimental effects. 

mrs.JL

Hhaber said:

I confess I have been a dirty lurker lately. Since I work from home a few days a week and take care of LO I don't get much done and then am crazy busy when I'm in the office... Which was my usual bump time.

LO was born on September 1st so we are tardy to the party for everything. I use your posts to see what to look forward to... Or not. We currently just started the 4 month sleep regression. I was naive and thought it would skip us since she has been STTN for a while but no such luck. At least I was warned.

I will make an effort to contribute more again. Thanks for all the warnings, info, and laughs ladies.

This is me. To a tee.

Marvel1013

mgg242 said:

msspeedymarie said:

KatieR2310 said:

Rude, impolite people can go suck it. What happend to please and thank you's, pardon me's, or excuse me? Seriously.. A little bit of politeness in your life won't hurt.

Seriously. I hate when I do things like hold a door open for someone, and they can't even be bothered to acknowledge my existence. Like, are you kidding me? D you think this fucking door is holding itself open?

A little of a spin off of this. I say good morning, afternoon etc if I make eye contact with people. They act like I'm a freak.


Exactly (about the door).. A quick thank you is all it takes.

I do the same!! Or just smile at them

Soleil3

hstautz said:

I am taking medication prescribed by a doctor and was going to therapy. But before I started all that smoking helped me manage my stress and PPD. Now I'm addicted again. You were saying you couldn't understand how ppl could start back again after quiting. This is an example.

Its not a good example. If you quit for the good of your child then, quit for the good of your child now. Its still just as bad. 

MommyKristin88

hstautz said:

hstautz said:

I really try hard not to judge other moms on their decisions in parenting... but honestly... smoking around your child is fucking ridiculous. I'm sorry... but you shouldn't have kids if you smoke in the house or the car with them. 

I'm going to snowball off this and add that I especially side-eye women who smoke with young kids because, assuming you quit while pregnant, the habit is kicked and why on earth would you start again once they're born. And I also watch dance moms and love it!

I'll bite, I quit smoking December 18, 2013 when I found out I was pregnant. Cold turkey I just stopped. LO was born September 2 3013. I started smoking again October 20. I don't smoke it the car with LO, I don't smoke in the house, and I don't hold LO when I smoke. Side eye if you want but if a cig helps me not want to blow my brains out then I'm smoking one and I don't give a fuck.

You might want to seek therapy. That's not normal...

I am taking medication prescribed by a doctor and was going to therapy. But before I started all that smoking helped me manage my stress and PPD. Now I'm addicted again. You were saying you couldn't understand how ppl could start back again after quiting. This is an example.

I didn't say that, but I get what you're saying.

How does smoking help you manage your stress and PPD? I'm seriously asking, not being snarky. That just makes me think of alcoholics. Drinking alcohol doesn't help them manage stress, it numbs them to it so they don't focus on it. That's not management.

henderson1026

hstautz said:

hstautz said:

I am taking medication prescribed by a doctor and was going to therapy. But before I started all that smoking helped me manage my stress and PPD. Now I'm addicted again. You were saying you couldn't understand how ppl could start back again after quiting. This is an example.

Its not a good example. If you quit for the good of your child then, quit for the good of your child now. Its still just as bad. 

Not emotionally ready. I shouldn't have started back but I did. I'll have to quit again someday, just not today. And in the meantime I do all I can to keep my bad habit from affecting LO.

I am so bothered by this, I just can't.  You quit cold turkey when you were pregnant, do it again.  It is so, so, so, so so, bad for you and your baby.

Soleil3

hstautz said:

hstautz said:

I am taking medication prescribed by a doctor and was going to therapy. But before I started all that smoking helped me manage my stress and PPD. Now I'm addicted again. You were saying you couldn't understand how ppl could start back again after quiting. This is an example.

Its not a good example. If you quit for the good of your child then, quit for the good of your child now. Its still just as bad. 

Not emotionally ready. I shouldn't have started back but I did. I'll have to quit again someday, just not today. And in the meantime I do all I can to keep my bad habit from affecting LO.

But it is affecting her. More now than ever, since she is so small.

https://cancer.dartmouth.edu/focus/children_third_hand_smoke.html

"children are most vulnerable to third hand smoke. They have smaller body mass, breathe faster, have less-developed defenses against environmental pollutants, and spend more time indoors."

BlondieBia21

It is ridiculous to me when people use terms like "blow my brains out" to explain being flustered or agitated. It's not cute or funny and I think you should seriously choose better wording.

MommyKristin88

hstautz said:

It is ridiculous to me when people use terms like "blow my brains out" to explain being flustered or agitated. It's not cute or funny and I think you should seriously choose better wording.

I wasn't trying to be cute or funny, that's how I felt.

You said you *were* in therapy? You need to go back then. You have some serious issues that a cigarette can't help. All jokes aside, you need to seek help beyond whatever you are currently doing.

RoosterMemphis

@hstautz quitting smoking was the hardest thing to quit for me, drugs and alcohol included.  i am not going to defend your smoking, but i will tell you that i understand in a way that makes me laugh because it was SO. GODDAMNED. HARD.  

that said, it is possible.  use one of those vapor e cigs if you have to.  but second and third hand smoke are leading contributors to SIDS.

edit- nevermind...i figured out how to GIF!!!!

Soleil3

Also

https://www.njgasp.org/BerkeleyLabNews_ths_dna_damage_7-20-13.pdf

"“This is the very first study to find that thirdhand smoke is mutagenic,” said Lara Gundel, a Berkeley

Lab scientist and co-author of the study. “Tobacco-specific nitrosamines, some of the chemical

compounds in thirdhand smoke, are among the most potent carcinogens there are. They stay on

surfaces, and when those surfaces are clothing or carpets, the danger to children is especially

serious.”

BlondieBia21

hstautz said:

BlondieBia21 said:

It is ridiculous to me when people use terms like "blow my brains out" to explain being flustered or agitated. It's not cute or funny and I think you should seriously choose better wording.

I wasn't trying to be cute or funny, that's how I felt.

And a cigarette helped that? If that was truly how you felt, I sincerely hope you talk to someone instead of just turning to a cig.

BlueJewelM

hstautz said:

MommyKristin88 said:

hstautz said:

I really try hard not to judge other moms on their decisions in parenting... but honestly... smoking around your child is fucking ridiculous. I'm sorry... but you shouldn't have kids if you smoke in the house or the car with them. 

I'm going to snowball off this and add that I especially side-eye women who smoke with young kids because, assuming you quit while pregnant, the habit is kicked and why on earth would you start again once they're born. And I also watch dance moms and love it!

I'll bite, I quit smoking December 18, 2013 when I found out I was pregnant. Cold turkey I just stopped. LO was born September 2 3013. I started smoking again October 20. I don't smoke it the car with LO, I don't smoke in the house, and I don't hold LO when I smoke. Side eye if you want but if a cig helps me not want to blow my brains out then I'm smoking one and I don't give a fuck.

You might want to seek therapy. That's not normal...


I am taking medication prescribed by a doctor and was going to therapy. But before I started all that smoking helped me manage my stress and PPD. Now I'm addicted again. You were saying you couldn't understand how ppl could start back again after quiting. This is an example.

****MY POST STARTS HERE! Quote tree fail...

Quitting smoking was one of the hardest things I have ever done. You never know how addicted you are until you stop. I quit as soon as I found out I was PG with DS1 in 2010. Even though I knew how horrible it was for baby, it certainly didn't stop me from wanting one!

It's such an easy awful coping method isn't it? I slipped a few times after DS1 was born and it felt so shameful. I remember feeling so guilty after having one. It took an enormous amount of willpower to not smoke. People always say "but wouldn't you do ANYTHING for your baby?" And rationally, you would, but true addiction doesn't work like that. It doesn't make you think rationally and "just one" won't hurt. And it's never just once.

Anyway, it's been nearly 3 years since quitting (except for my 5 cig slip up after DS1) and it feels amazing. What helped me quit was joining a YMCA with child watch, he'd go play with them while I worked out, minty lip gloss and fountain sodas with lots of ice. I also had to cut smoking friends out of my life for a while. The temptation was too strong with them.

When you are ready to stop make a check in thread for yourself on the BMB, I will cheer you on! And I'm sure other women will support you as well.

RoosterMemphis

BlondieBia21 said:

It is ridiculous to me when people use terms like "blow my brains out" to explain being flustered or agitated. It's not cute or funny and I think you should seriously choose better wording.

guilty. all the time.

bendicott7

KatieS7 said:

KatieR2310 said:

KatieR2310 said:

Rude, impolite people can go suck it. What happend to please and thank you's, pardon me's, or excuse me? Seriously.. A little bit of politeness in your life won't hurt.

Seriously. I hate when I do things like hold a door open for someone, and they can't even be bothered to acknowledge my existence. Like, are you kidding me? D you think this fucking door is holding itself open?

A little of a spin off of this. I say good morning, afternoon etc if I make eye contact with people. They act like I'm a freak.

Exactly (about the door).. A quick thank you is all it takes. I do the same!! Or just smile at them

This irks me so much. If it happens to me on a bad day after the person walks through the door I so graciously opened for them I loudly say "you're welcome."

Guilty!