UO

jedimindtrick

Blueyed228 said:

I guess another UO is that just because something is common in your area doesn't make it less of an etiquette faux pas.

That said, your *shower * doesn't sound like the showers in my social circle.

True. We had a second reception in AZ for my family after our wedding. Some of the things people did w're ridiculous. Bringing other people who weren't invited (it was a plated dinner) and not bringing a gift. Wearing a baseball cap and jeans... Etc. But these things are very regional.

kyliensc

I have a friend who tops them all. She had a second shower bc she had a new baby daddy, her first wasnt even a year old. She registered, rented a hall, sent out her own invites and then cursed everyone out for not attending. It really burned my butt bc i threw her first shower

surpriseaddition

Blueyed228 said:

I guess another UO is that just because something is common in your area doesn't make it less of an etiquette faux pas. That said, your *shower * doesn't sound like the showers in my social circle.

Well that was rude....it was a second, tacky, "shower" after all. I wouldn't expect a big production for a second shower. I'm glad to know your social circle wouldn't make such a faux pas as to have a similar get together for you.

kyliensc

Lol

Blueyed228

surpriseaddition said:

Blueyed228 said:

I guess another UO is that just because something is common in your area doesn't make it less of an etiquette faux pas.

That said, your *shower * doesn't sound like the showers in my social circle.

Well that was rude....it was a second, tacky, "shower" after all. I wouldn't expect a big production for a second shower. I'm glad to know your social circle wouldn't make such a faux pas as to have a similar get together for you.

It was rude to say that your lunch with friends wouldn't be considered a second shower here and therefore would be considered tacky?

Mmmk.

Eta: but if you want to get technical, you shouldn't expect ANY shower for your second baby, not just a big production shower.

surpriseaddition

@Blueyed228 I guess to me, the term "shower" simply represents a gathering of people to celebrate the upcoming birth of a baby. Maybe that is where the confusion lies in the thought regarding second showers. Like I said, I didn't expect anything...when I used "expect" above, I meant to imply, who would expect some huge event with a big reception hall plated dinner type event? To me the word shower does not equate to that, even if that is what most people usually have for their first baby. Honest question, in my LOs baby book, there is a section for Baby Shower. To me, I consider the fun lunch with friends where we celebrated her upcoming arrival to be my shower, and have put pics from the event, guest names, etc., in there. What else would you call that event?

Blueyed228

I would call that lunch with my friends. Which is perfectly normal for second babies. My group of friends does the same thing for second/third/ fourth babies, birthdays etc. And perfectly appropriate for that section of your second babies baby book.

A shower is a gift giving event with a host, invitations, etc.

watuzzigal

I'm late to the game. I don't really care if my regional/cultural etiquette is a faux pas to someone not from my region/culture.

I'll try to respect yours (the general "you") by not throwing you a second shower (in whatever form you consider a shower), but I'll love on the moms who are given a second shower all I want and not judge or feel bad a bit.

jedimindtrick

Shantxtell said:

For me this is where it gets confusing. If someone wanted to throw a full blown shower like my first, I would say no. If they wanted to do something much smaller and more intimate I would love it.... But wouldn't that be a shower too? Or just a get together? Would we call it a pregnancy luncheon, for etiquettes sake?
Edit for typos

This is how I feel too.

Blueyed228

watuzzigal said:

I'm late to the game. I don't really care if my regional/cultural etiquette is a faux pas to someone not from my region/culture. I'll try to respect yours (the general "you") by not throwing you a second shower (in whatever form you consider a shower), but I'll love on the moms who are given a second shower all I want and not judge or feel bad a bit.

I dont care what she did or didnt do.  She brought up the topic and asked us specifically "has anyones mind changed about thinking second showers are tacky"?  People answered her question and she took it personally. 

One can say that second showers are tacky without saying supriseaddition is tacky.

Ive been invited to tacky things before.  Jack and Jills, showers asking for money only, etc.  I decline the invitation, roll my eyes a bit at it,  and dont think about it again. 

Blueyed228

Shantxtell said:

wtf is a Jack and Jill?

It used to be a coed shower, which is fine.

But this new trend caught on and its basically a fundraiser to pay for your wedding/honeymoon.  They sell tickets and shit.  I had never heard of them before TK.  I got invited to one about 2 years ago.  They wanted you to buy tickets to get in, and then buy raffle tickets.  All to fund the HM.

I passed.

watuzzigal

Blueyed228 said:

watuzzigal said:

I'm late to the game. I don't really care if my regional/cultural etiquette is a faux pas to someone not from my region/culture.

I'll try to respect yours (the general "you") by not throwing you a second shower (in whatever form you consider a shower), but I'll love on the moms who are given a second shower all I want and not judge or feel bad a bit.

I dont care what she did or didnt do.  She brought up the topic and asked us specifically "has anyones mind changed about thinking second showers are tacky"?  People answered her question and she took it personally. 

One can say that second showers are tacky without saying supriseaddition is tacky.

Ive been invited to tacky things before.  Jack and Jills, showers asking for money only, etc.  I decline the invitation, roll my eyes a bit at it,  and dont think about it again. 


---

That's fine. I'm cool with your answers earlier on. I'm just also cool with the way things are done in my family/area.

I did already ask not to be given a big shower if we have a second because it is kind of the norm around here (so it was just as awkward asking that as FOR a shower). I'm saving everything. But my family will probably want to do something "small" and still call it a shower.

And, no, I wouldn't be OK with fundraisers either.

Edit for clarity.

Blueyed228

Shantxtell said:

My coworker threw him and his Baby Momma a co- ed shower for their second son. The first son is only 2. And he didn't even know the first kid was his until original baby daddy got a DNA test. They're kla$$y.

Did this happen on Maury?

surpriseaddition

No hard feelings on my part. Quite honestly, I don't care what people think....and I did bring up the question to see what people thought. I just never understood the big issue with having a get together to celebrate a second, third, or fourth baby....I think I understand Blue's view better now, since she was envisioning a huge semi-wedding reception event (I think). I agree that would be a bit much. And this trend you speak of with admission tickets, raffle tickets, etc......obnoxious! I'm right there with you on that one. Edit: grammar

Shoegal36

Oh, this reminds me...my friend was just invited to a first birthday party, and they put on the invite that he "has enough toys and to please give only $6...$2 for education, $2 for new clothes..." and I don't remember what the other $2 was for. 

She was like WTF and just put $20 in a card. I probably would have bought some large obnoxious toy. 

Is this some kind of new trend?? Or did these people come up with this ridiculous idea all on their own? Ick. 

Blueyed228

Asking for money has never NOT been rude in my eyes.

She certainly is teaching them young how to be an entitled brat I suppose.

jedimindtrick

Yea. Even if it's only $6 it's still super rude to ask for cash. Like my SIL who sent me a Christmas wish list for herself. And every item was a gift card.

Shoegal36

Blueyed228 said:

Asking for money has never NOT been rude in my eyes. She certainly is teaching them young how to be an entitled brat I suppose.

Oh, I totally agree. Asking for anything period, is rude. I just wondered if this was a "thing" now. Hopefully not.

Blueyed228

scormier123 said:

Blueyed228 said:

Asking for money has never NOT been rude in my eyes. She certainly is teaching them young how to be an entitled brat I suppose.

Oh, I totally agree. Asking for anything period, is rude. I just wondered if this was a "thing" now. Hopefully not.

Well I know that "wish lists" are getting popular at ToysRUs and Amazon for kids birthday parties. 

Blueyed228

You mean like people who register for flat screens and video gaming systems and living room sets?

Oohgurl

My friend threw a large 1 year party last year for her daughter and on the invitation it said no presents please, instead please contribute to a particular charity (www.fannystrong.org). I was ok with that because it was to bring awareness to pertussis.  Which I was 8 months pregnant at the time and clueless about getting a booster for myself.  

So I was ok with that. But I still brought a present in addition because I wanted to. 

edit:wording, yo. 

lizziebooper

The family I use to nanny for  who I am still close to (their daughter is 22) asked me what the kids would like for Christmas or if I would rather her contribute to their RESP. I told her that they really didn't need to get my kids anything but she insisted so I told her there wasn't really anything they needed for gifts since they get so much from grandparents aunts etc that the RESP was fine but gifts would be fine to and that it was up to them. They opted for the RESP which didn't surprise me since they are retired bankers who put extra emphasis on the importance of investing.

LaxMOM44

What about diaper parties? My friend is having a diaper party with her second and I'm totally cool with that.