Postpartum Depression
DinoMama
member
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Another intro...and a long one at that
DinoMama
member
Hey ladies. My name is Taylor, Im 8 weeks PP today. Monday I was put on Effexor for PPD after talking to my doctor. The last week I've started crying for no reason and I've been horribly irritable with my SO. Ive had severe depression and anxiety in the past and, while it hasn't been nearly as bad, I knew something wasn't right. Unlike others...I have no ill feelings toward my baby girl. She is everything I ever wanted and she surpasses my expectations every day, however, I dont feel overjoyed or happy even. I have a lot of guilt stemming from her birth because I didn't hold her until 4 hours later. I failed to make any progress and was induced on my due date to help my cervix along. I fought through 36 hours of horrible contractions and labor. All natural due to babys decreased heart rate and spina bifida in my back. Nearly 5 hours of pushing. My water had broken 18 hours before. When she finally arrived she was having some breathing issues and they took her away to care for her. In the meantime, I lost a lot of blood and was on the brink of needing a transfusion. By the time they got me to stop bleeding, I was cold, shivering, and nearly in shock. I fell asleep and when I woke up...many other people had had the opportunity to hold my LO. She suffered a fractured clavicle that made it hard for her to nurse and she'd give up. So I pumped for nearly a month before I had to be put on a medication for severe migraines that hindered me from caring for her. Now, 8 weeks out, she's perfect in every way but the immense guilt has me really hating myself. I know my medication will take some time to kick in but, having dealt with depression before, I know I need some other form of support. Im hoping to find that here.
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Re: Another intro...and a long one at that
Good for you for reaching out for help. That is often the hardest step. Do you have a therapist or counselor that you can see regularly as well? There are also PPD support groups out there.
It's not your fault you couldn't hold your baby right away, and all your LO knows now is that her mama loves her and cares for her. That's the most important thing.
GL on your journey.