How did you know "the time was right"?

reddeezy

happy new year ladies!

I've been lurking for a little while and thought it was time to post as im hoping to hear some of your experiences of knowing that the time was right to TTC. I'll be 29 this year and my husband is turning 30, we have been married for 2 years, have a lovely home, great jobs, and a solid amount of savings. There is no doubt that we want children someday, but im curious as to how you decide that some day is now. I know some women get a bad case of the baby rabies and MUST HAVE a BABY NOW, but i have never been a decisive person and don't think i will ever be so certain....so, my question for each of you is how did you know that the timing was right for a baby now? was it a long thought out process, a spontaneous decision? Thanks in advance. 

MelissaL121

We have been married for five years and are asked a lot when we are starting a family. We have been enjoying our time together and I don't feel like we are incomplete if we never had children but that our lives would be fuller with them. What prompted us to begin TTC recently was getting to spend time with some of our friends' newborns. To see the love and happiness on their parent's faces and we both felt it was finally time. Holding a newborn and you melt. We want that. We want a family. Now or never. Not getting any younger as I just turned 30 and was like- shit!!! I am not a spring chicken anymore!!

Twinkie0612

We knew going into marriage that we wanted to wait a year and take some time to ourselves. We worked on remodeling our house and took a late honeymoon/1st anniversary trip. When our year was up I decided that I wanted a few more months to finish up some more house projects so we delayed TTC for 2 months.  We are still trying 2.5 years later, but I don't regret waiting.  I've always wanted children, but I needed to cross a few thing off my pre-baby bucket luster before I felt comfortable TTC and I had no idea that we would deal with infertility.

Ashley2203

Baby rabies hahahaha

Ducktale

For us it was a process. The first two years we were married it was definitely a "someday but not now" thing. Once my friends started having babies and I spent a lot of time with their kids and saw my friends be parents, it started to feel real and that's when the baby fever started to kick in. DH and I sat down, looked at our finances and other areas of our lives and made goals to get ourselves ready to TTC. Now we've been married 4.5 years and we're so 100% ready. That's how it was for us, it's different for everyone. You may never get "baby fever", but still decide you want to start a family, that's okay too.

divinemsbee

For us, we knew that we wanted a family, and we knew that we'd start trying right after the wedding. For us, it's that at that time I was 28, and we knew we wanted a larger family (4 kids) and that I'd like to be done with kids by the time I was 35. Fast forward: It hasn't been easy. I'm 2 days before my 30th birthday, and 14 months and two losses into this baby-having business. We've started getting some testing done. It is making us re-evaluate what we want and what we're willing or able to do to get it. We very much want kids. It's not a baby fever omigosh every kid is fantastic and I surreptitiously stroke baby clothes in Target thing. It's a feeling that we want to complete our family together thing. All of that being said, there's no way we could have known what was going to happen, and I'm glad we didn't start trying before we knew we were ready.

Wine&Cupcakes

We have moved gradually towards having kids. At first we weren't convinced we wanted them...then we decided yes. From there we talked about the "best time" to start (knowing that our start date means nothing in the reality of TTC) and began to pay off debt. Our debt will be paid off in a few months and we will start building an emergency/house fund a few months before TTC...the goal is that we will have a house and a majority of our emergency fund built before giving birth. We are lucky in that our income is large enough to go towards major and minor baby purchases that we can make over the duration of the pregnancy, provided all goes well.

For us, it was also a matter of seeing our friends have kids, and how they interact. I was able to better-feel the love I would have for a child of my own, and from there, my desire grew. DH was always on the baby track but it took me some time to catch up. Now, with each passing month, I am more ready for baby. What once was a feeling of enjoyment with just the two of us, is quickly growing into an increasing longing for a child.

That being said, I don't think we will feel incomplete without a child, so if that's what the future holds, we are fine with it.

reddeezy

Thanks everyone for responding. I love hearing how each of you reached the decision to start trying for a baby, and feel a bit more relaxed with where I stand. As of now, we haave tentatively decided that we are going to TTC in the spring. I  am definitely excited and know for sure that I want a family with my husband, but like I said I just don't have that "omygodineedababy" now and wondered if I was the only one. 

Wine&Cupcakes

Nope, totally normal, IMO.

Even with plans to TTC this spring/summer, I still sometimes love the idea of it just being "us," however, I then think about the added enjoyment of adding a kid to the mix and that works too. But yea, we aren't "OMG lets get preggo nowz!!" people. But, we are getting a bit older and it's something that we understand we need to consider and build into our future.

Mysterious_wife

We knew we wanted kids. We did have a time frame in mind. Then during sex we said to hell with it and went for it. I don't recommend that approach. We started TTC before we got married. We got PG right after.

lifeonthehill

I am a logical thinker. Lists upon lists cover our house and fill my documents. We did the baby bucket list before the wedding and add and subtract things as we see fit. Recently added is a golf membership for H. I feel ready for kids now but I want to be in a better place financially and with a better retirement plan. H needs to be financially secure but thinks he is going to be ready once we start winding gown on this list. We are 22 and 24 so we have time.

CowgirlK39

We had planned to get a few things done first... Better finances, buy a home, etc. But the more we talked about it, we decided to go with not-trying-not-preventing. I always had cycle issues when I was younger so I brought it up at my annual exam and had some work done showing that I have some issues. We are just letting it be while we finish getting things done in life. I didn't get baby crazy till we actually started NTNP. Then my SIL had her baby and now we are definitely going crazy to have our own. Sometimes you get baby crazy, and so,entires it's just a matter of having a discussion with you H and saying yes, we are ready.

SidraJedi

We just jumped into it one night. Sometimes you can over think things too much and put it off longer than necessary.

DH and I put together a list if things in order of importance that you might need to have ready to welcome a baby for our friends who are thinking about it:

1. Memorize lots of songs
2. Fell confident that as a couple you communicate well (this does not mean that you don't fight, in fact arguing is normal as long as there is expressing and listening involved on both sides)
3. Think about your support network of family and friends and try to strengthen those bonds. You will want help from time to time. It DOES take a village. If you are far from family and friends, investigate the nursery schools and daycares nearby that interest you. Also, kids need other kids and parents need other parents, look around for activities and groups to socialize within.
4. Like what you do for work. If you are in school, finish first. One or both of you may not be able to switch jobs for a year of two after the baby comes so be comfortable with that
5. Like where you are living, again it may be more trouble than it is worth to mess with this too soon after the baby

That's about it. Nothing can prepare you for parenthood, you just have to adapt. But this is what we have thought about since we had our daughter nearly 10 months ago.

missnacholover

We had lots of conversations about finances and goals and stuff.  I really wanted to get a new job first but we decided even if I didn't, time was ticking and we'd start this month, regardless.  I got a new job in September so we NTNP for a few months and have been really trying for the past two months. 

For us it was really the result of lots of conversations and figuring out a time that was right for us!  Good luck!

Alpinator

LOL @ the phrase 'baby rabies'.  I've definitely observed this in friends; totally normal-seeming men and women who become a wee bit obsessive over having a baby *immediately*. What was in that kool-aid they drank at Toys-R-Us?

Frankly, DH was the one who felt 'ready' for kids before I did.  When we started talking concretely about TTC, we did some planning around life transitions (e.g. I was finishing up school) and finances (dude, babies are expensive).  So in short, we went through the same decision-making process that it sounds like you and other ladies experienced. 

Several of my other girlfriends, who have babies/toddlers now, have told me that 'you'll never feel totally, 100% ready' - and these are smart, responsible, financially-secure women.  I take this to mean that (as with many things in life) it is normal to question the moment for bringing a life into the world.  Hey, it's kind of a big deal.  But perhaps for each person, you reach a tipping-point where you take a deep breath and decide to go for it (maybe... 80% ready? ha)

Early morning, waxing philosophical

kerbear135

I agree with PP, you'll never feel 100% ready...I thought I was the first time we TTC'd, and then when I saw that BFP, I practically had a panic attack.

We were married 4 years before we decided we were ready. In that time, we purchased a home, got our finances in order, and really got to a place where we felt like our relationship was solid and could handle the stress that a baby would potentially (and did) place on it. It got to where we felt like we were missing someone- our family wasn't complete. That's when we decided to start TTC

SmileyJay

We knew early on after we started dating that we both wanted children. We lived together for 3 years before getting married and have now been married 2 1/2 years. We finished college, got stable jobs, saved money, traveled a bit, and bought a house. There will always be reasons to wait but we want 2 or 3 kids and to be young and energetic with them so now just feels right. Practically everything we have done for the past 5 years has been in preparation for becoming parents including me selecting a more flexible job. We are still considered sort of on the young side. I am 24 and DH is about to turn 26. We have never been the going out type and just feel completely emotionally ready for parenthood. 

There will always be reasons to wait - every month we wait is even more money in savings. Every year we wait is another vacation or days of sleeping late and exploring personal interests. We have more projects we want to do around the house, and we are still growing our careers. But we have decided that 2014 is the time for us. We are ttc this month, that is if I am not currently pg which is a small possibility thanks to new years eve.  

Musical28

Me and my love are not trying yet but soon. We haven't been married long but have spent almost 7 years together. So needless to say we know we are a strong a responsible couple. We  know we are ready cause well number one we want one soon. Our families our on board and friends so we are supported. We have space for three. We have saved money.  Enough for a down payment on something like a car. I feel those are good things to have. 

mrssl3813

For us its been a thought out decision. We both have good careers, we have a home we own, we have paid off our debt except mortgage and cars, we have savings, retirement plans, and health plans (though we are in Canada so we don't have to pay for L&D and most regular basic health care). However its the family situation that is the one thing holding me back. So I agree there is always something.

We have known since we were first dating that we wanted to start young and hopefully have 3. So after we got engaged and then married almost 2 years after that we decided to plan to try for 2014. DH would like to really TTC and I flip flop so we decided to NTNP.

Jentech84

For my husband & I he's always been happy to start having kids right away. While we dated I told him right off I wasn't sure if I even wanted kids. He thought long & hard about it, but would be happy regardless. He never pressured me for anything.
We just started talking about kids theoretically and I began to see how much we were in sync with our beliefs and how we see raising children. So I started getting into the idea. I kept on the BCP for a couple years and finally we talked about what our plans would be for after my one year of mat leave (neither of us are in high paying jobs), discussing upgrading from our small townhouse or upgrading my decade-old car to an SUV to accommodate a child and our 90lb dog.
Then suddenly I wanted to be pregnant. I started hating taking the pill, hated the routine, hated that we weren't trying. So we talked, I stopped the pill, waited through one cycle and BAM here we are!

reddeezy

Thanks everyone for all your replies. It was so nice to read that, like me, many of you weren't 100% sure of the timing before making the leap. I am definitely excited to TTC and am glad that i came across these forums with such great information.

JamieK1882

I"ve just recently jumped on the baby bandwagon. We are 31 and 35 and have been married 3 years. For me, it was always about trying to get more secure in my current career. We always knew we wanted kids but my career also means a lot to me so I was trying to establish myself here first. We've decided tomorrow will be my last day of BC and I won't refill it again. Hoping to start trying around late spring into summer!

BLPL101

We were married for 3.5 years, just bought a house and it seemed like a good next step. Best decision we've ever made! DD just turned 1

barefootbluejean204

TheCraftyKoala said:

We knew early on after we started dating that we both wanted children. We lived together for 3 years before getting married and have now been married 2 1/2 years. We finished college, got stable jobs, saved money, traveled a bit, and bought a house. There will always be reasons to wait but we want 2 or 3 kids and to be young and energetic with them so now just feels right. Practically everything we have done for the past 5 years has been in preparation for becoming parents including me selecting a more flexible job. We are still considered sort of on the young side. I am 24 and DH is about to turn 26. We have never been the going out type and just feel completely emotionally ready for parenthood. 

There will always be reasons to wait - every month we wait is even more money in savings. Every year we wait is another vacation or days of sleeping late and exploring personal interests. We have more projects we want to do around the house, and we are still growing our careers. But we have decided that 2014 is the time for us. We are ttc this month, that is if I am not currently pg which is a small possibility thanks to new years eve.  

24 (me) and 26(him) as well!!

Waiting on finances and DH to give the "go" signal! Tying not to overthink my "Destiny" -will I be able to be a SAHM in 1 or 2, or 5 years? Is that what I want? Should I wait until I CAN be a SAHM, or should I just go for it before then?