Anyone not want to be a SAHM after alll?

danadane75

I have the opportunity with MH and I owning our own business and I have spent every day at home with Jules for the past 4.5 months but Im starting to feel like I need to get out and do something! I would love to earn a paycheck again. I know I do alot around the house but I still feel useless for some reason. I have decided to have my aunt come over 3 times a week and watch LO so I can be involved with growing our business again. I feel good about my decision now but I have a feeling Im going to miss spending time with her and miss all her "firsts"..

coraggiosa

I've been at home since DD was born, and I know that SAH is not for me. I am starting school again in 2 weeks, and I think it will help me get to a better place mentally. SAH is not for everyone. 

LokiLahve

I struggled REALLY BAD with returning to work. I tried to figure out a way to SAH, but in the end we decided it wasn't best for us financially. At the time I wanted nothing more than to be with lo full time and felt like I wasn't able to be the mom I wanted to be by returning to work. I cried...a LOT.
Fast forward to now, I've been back to work for almost 2 months and I know it was the best decision for me emotionally & for my family financially. I do wish I was part time, maybe 3-4 days a week vs full time. But all in all I'm glad I went back.

MommyKristin88

I felt that way sometimes when I stayed home with my daughter. I forced myself to take time to myself once a week. Either a pedicure, get my nails done, grocery shop, etc. I needed that time alone to just relax. I didn't want to go back to work, but this arrangement worked for me.

BuckyC

I think the opposite is true for me. I've always been a "career girl" -- extremely focused on my job, working tons of hours, etc. When I was pregnant, I thought I'd hate being at home. Now I dread going back to work. I go back on the 21st, and I cry every time I think about it. I love SAH so much more than I thought I ever would.

cinderin

I stayed home with DS for 4 months and I am glad I did because he really needed me (he was very fussy). But I am so glad to be back at work. I know I would have had a very very hard time being a SAHM. DS has an in-home daycare he goes to (just one woman watches him) and he does well there. 

BellaOso

My DH and I own our business. I am in the office Sat - Mon but it is on our property so it isn't like REALLY being away. DH works at another company W-F, so I get a mix of both.

I love working. I love being at home. I think because I get a mix of both. When I work I get to talk to adults and solve adult problems, and when I am at home I get to be a mommy.

If you have the opportunity to own your own business that can be managed by 1 of you at a time, I highly recommend it.

AACaHa13

3 times a week, you won't miss too much! In my opinion, that is the perfect amount of time to get away but still feel like you are spending lots of time with lo! I love working part time, about 10 hours a week, just to get out and miss lo. I think you will enjoy it. It makes the rough days with lo a whole lot easier knowing my mom will be coming for a few hours to let me out for awhile.

Wjoyner08

I am having the same debate right now. I want to stay home but the extra paycheck would be sooo nice. If I could just find a part time when my husband is off or work from home I would be thrilled. I'm not in a huge hurry though. My DH wants me to open an in home child care but if I go back to work I think I would much rather do office work of some sort.

Throw3ks

I was home for 16 weeks and loved it. But decided I needed to work. It gives me a certain satisfaction to bring in money and be a great mother and wife all at the same time. I loved my job before the baby so that might have helped.

Michelle N

I am Canadian so luckily I don't have to return to work until Aug. 9th. I am enjoying mat leave much more than I thought - and I will do my very best to make sure I don't have to go to work full-time. I think working 20 hours a week would be ideal for us - I need to work to keep up with my CPA, but I am not interested in working much more than that. I find cooking and cleaning a full-time job!

Revez

I'm in the same boat, but the situation is a little different. My maternity leave ends in August and I've been back and forth on whether or not to return. I miss my job and all the people there. Luckily I am able to return part time, which I think is our current plan, we just have to figure out if we break even or not with child care.

You're very lucky to have a family member you trust to be able to look after your LO. As for missing LO's firsts, a working mom friend of mine said that the first time you see them do something it is just as heart melting and she considers it a "first".

RoosterMemphis

I don't regret it at all. When I think about it, though, I start to get antsy when I don't take time to do things either by myself or while wearing LO, etc. I'm crafty, I love to cook, and I sew and make soap. When I don't do any of those things and just sit there, I get crazy. But there's no other place id rather be than with my LO. It's not for everybody, though. If you want to go back to work, do what works for you. If you're unhappy SAH, that will be problematic later on. Good luck and enjoy life wherever makes you the happiest.

WildRumpus

I went back 2 days a week about 2 months ago. I thought that I would really like being back, but was finding that I was really missing my LO and was really jealous that DH was getting to spend those 2 days with him. DH just got a promotion and we'll be moving within the next 2 months, so I'm back and home and really happy about it. Like Rooster said, if I don't take the time for myself, I get stir crazy, but I'm so glad that I'm able to be home with him. Don't feel bad though, it's definitely not for everyone!

julianndelaney

RoosterMemphis said:

I don't regret it at all. When I think about it, though, I start to get antsy when I don't take time to do things either by myself or while wearing LO, etc. I'm crafty, I love to cook, and I sew and make soap. When I don't do any of those things and just sit there, I get crazy. But there's no other place id rather be than with my LO. It's not for everybody, though. If you want to go back to work, do what works for you. If you're unhappy SAH, that will be problematic later on. Good luck and enjoy life wherever makes you the happiest.

Amen!

kanned0121

Its definitely a personal decision and not for everyone. I work part time, but would LOVE if I could be a SAHM. To each, their own.

PrimRoseMama

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

WildRumpus

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

Oh COME ON. It's not like she said "SAHMs are fat lazy fucks who lay around all day doing Jack shit" She said it made HER feel useless. Her feelings don't need to offend you.

RoosterMemphis

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

Agreed.

PrimRoseMama

Jill9288 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

Oh COME ON. It's not like she said "SAHMs are fat lazy fucks who lay around all day doing Jack shit" She said it made HER feel useless. Her feelings don't need to offend you.

No she didn't say that.

She is entitled to her feeings. I merely stated mine. To classify SAHM as "useless" is offensive. Does it need to offend me? No.

Does it? Yes.

Can she help how she feels? No.
Can I control how the post appears to me? No.

I am permitted to feel as I feel. Flame me. I call it like I see it.

danadane75

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

Im sorry you took offense to how I feel. Nothing was personal or meant to describe anyone else or their lifestyles or feelings..i was speaking from the business side of things, not being able to help the business grow because Im at home all the time...

BlondieBia21

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you. That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

Her FEELINGS offend you? Everyone finds their worth in a different manner. 

ETA: If she would've came out and said "SAHM's suck and are useless" then I can understand being offended. But for her to be honest and say that she FEELS useless, should in no way offend you. Not everyone is made to be super SAHM. It is HARD for some people, myself included. There are days when I feel useless because I can't help her from crying, I can't make her happy, I can't make her teeth stop hurting, I can't figure out what exactly she needs, my house is a mess, I'm having a TERRIBLE time with PPD, etc. I strongly believe that a lot of my feelings for feelings so useless is because for so long I worked numerous jobs to be financially stable on my own, I found my worth from having money and being able to support myself. When you've done that for numerous years, it is a challenge to all of a sudden stop making any money. It is sad that finances can control someone's emotions, but they do! 

henderson1026

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you. That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

I don't really get why you are offended.  She didn't say SAHMs are useless, she said she felt useless doing it. 

I stopped working 4 years ago.  I got no satisfaction from it, other than a check, I have been much happier as a housewife and never looked back.  Being at home just suits me and being at work suits others.  I felt useless being chained to a desk doing nothing 90% of the time, should all the working moms out there be offended by that?

PrimRoseMama

BlondieBia21 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

Her FEELINGS offend you? Everyone finds their worth in a different manner. 

Feelings are not exempt from being offensive. WTF? If someone feels something that can hurt someone then why are they permitted to express them flame free?

You are flaming me for the way I feel. Seriously?

The comment made me feel a certain way. Her feelings are what they are, but the comment can still be offensive.

girlmama83

Do whatever will make you happy. I have to work and would give anything to be a SAHM but it's not for everyone.

BlondieBia21

PrimRoseMama said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you. That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

Her FEELINGS offend you? Everyone finds their worth in a different manner. 

Feelings are not exempt from being offensive. WTF? If someone feels something that can hurt someone then why are they permitted to express them flame free? You are flaming me for the way I feel. Seriously? The comment made me feel a certain way. Her feelings are what they are, but the comment can still be offensive.

The thing is, there was no need to jump her shit about being "highly offensive." She obviously wasn't writing this post to be a jack ass and piss people off and hurt people's feelings. 

PrimRoseMama

danadane75 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

Im sorry you took offense to how I feel. Nothing was personal or meant to describe anyone else or their lifestyles or feelings..i was speaking from the business side of things, not being able to help the business grow because Im at home all the time...

Your feelings are valid. I'm offended by the comment as it stands. Technically, you are helping the business by being home. That's money saved by not spending on child care. Does that not aid the business in controlling a fairly large expenditure. So, I'm just presenting a different view point for your consideration.

I am still wondering how it's permissible for you to feel this way but my feelings are somehow not allowed? Can someone explain that?

If we can not flame feelings then why not apply that equally? I'm not saying OP is a horrible human being for feeling that way. Simply that the idea, as it's presented, that SAHM is "a useless pursuit" to her produces certain feelings for me.

RoosterMemphis

For me I didn't take offense to it so much as I wondered if the OP see's SAH useless. I think flaming people is useless in this regard. It's like saying FOR ME that "breast is best", I might offend someone who bottle feeds. It's happened on this board between posters before. OP- just do what works. Whatever that may look like to you.

WildRumpus

PrimRoseMama said:

BlondieBia21 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

Her FEELINGS offend you? Everyone finds their worth in a different manner. 

Feelings are not exempt from being offensive. WTF? If someone feels something that can hurt someone then why are they permitted to express them flame free?

You are flaming me for the way I feel. Seriously?

The comment made me feel a certain way. Her feelings are what they are, but the comment can still be offensive.


I just honestly don't get how she was being offensive. She expressed how staying at home made her personally feel, not "I feel that staying home is totally useless" For her, it's not satisfying. For you, it is. Great. People derive satisfaction from different things. But to be offended by the way someone feels about themselves is silly

PrimRoseMama

RoosterMemphis said:

For me I didn't take offense to it so much as I wondered if the OP see's SAH useless. I think flaming people is useless in this regard. It's like saying FOR ME that "breast is best", I might offend someone who bottle feeds. It's happened on this board between posters before. OP- just do what works. Whatever that may look like to you.

I don't disagree. I stated as much. That doesn't mean I can't express how I feel. Again, I don't think that OP sucks at life for feeling that way. It struck me a certain way that I didn't care for. So, I said something.

Everyone can do what works for them without having to justify it. If you want to work then go for it.

carrotcake06

I SAH w my oldest for 9mo before starting a new job. I liked it bc I knew there was an end in sight. I enjoyed all of those moments bc I knew they wouldn't last forever. I loved the shit out of my maternity leave this time, too.

But I'm not meant to SAH. I've got a lot of personal baggage-related reasons why I will always work outside the home, but I do really enjoy it. SAH isn't for everyone.

RoosterMemphis

PrimRoseMama said:

RoosterMemphis said:

For me I didn't take offense to it so much as I wondered if the OP see's SAH useless. I think flaming people is useless in this regard. It's like saying FOR ME that "breast is best", I might offend someone who bottle feeds. It's happened on this board between posters before. OP- just do what works. Whatever that may look like to you.

I don't disagree. I stated as much. That doesn't mean I can't express how I feel. Again, I don't think that OP sucks at life for feeling that way. It struck me a certain way that I didn't care for. So, I said something.

Everyone can do what works for them without having to justify it. If you want to work then go for it.

I understand what you are saying and am failing to express myself well at the moment.

LJUTCMommy

I'm having an internal debate about this. I like working, but it's not making sense financially. After taxes, gas and childcare, I'm making less than minimum wage.

On top of that, my workplace is going through staffing changes and making it nearly impossible to keep a normal schedule.

I'm seriously considering starting a business with my husband. That way I could fulfill my desire for work, but have a lot more control over the situation.

I would also love to work 20-25 hours a week , but due to childcare costs, I would end up in the red.

PrimRoseMama

BlondieBia21 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

BlondieBia21 said:

PrimRoseMama said:

I understand SAHM is not for everyone. You have to do what feels right for you.

That said, your comment about "feeling useless" really bothers me. Staying home to take care of your children is the furthest thing from useless. Just because you don't bring in money doing it doesn't make the employment as a SAHM a worthless job. I understand you were being open & honest, but that is highly offensive to me.

Her FEELINGS offend you? Everyone finds their worth in a different manner. 

Feelings are not exempt from being offensive. WTF? If someone feels something that can hurt someone then why are they permitted to express them flame free?

You are flaming me for the way I feel. Seriously?

The comment made me feel a certain way. Her feelings are what they are, but the comment can still be offensive.

The thing is, there was no need to jump her shit about being "highly offensive." She obviously wasn't writing this post to be a jack ass and piss people off and hurt people's feelings. 

Where did I say she was? I'm not jumping her shit at all. I'm just expressing my discomfort at that part of her post. Calm down.

@blondiebia21 : so it's alright to tell me how I should feel? I should not be offended because you (and some others) say so? I'll get right on that. Let me alter my feelings? Really?

If OP is allowed to feel a certain way then so am I. I am not telling anyone how they should feel. I am simply expressing myself just like the OP.

If my feelings offend you then that's not my aim. I simply expressed how that one phrase seemed to me. Why is one "expression of feeling" permissible, but mine is not?

No where did I comment on the quality of the OP's character or say she meant to offend people. She is absolutely entitled to her feelings.

My phone battery is dying so I will apologize for appearing to jump OP's shit. Not at all. I just wanted to express my own about the phrase "feeling worthless as a SAHM".

No where did I say that she couldn't find fulfillment as she desires. No where. In fact, I clearly stated the opposite. Do what makes her happy.

PB102012

I wasn't crazy about going back to work at first, and DH and I really struggled with whether or not we could afford for me to stay home.  In the end when we found an amazing sitter at a very affordable rate, it only made sense for me to go back to work. I do enjoy the adult interaction, and having a hot cup of coffee for more of my mornings. We are also very lucky with DH's schedule to where LO is home more than she is at the sitter's. SAHM's are incredible women, it requires an amazing amount of patience, and I commend all of them. 

Coconuthead

I am SAHM for now. I am still doing online classes though. I can continue the online stuff through the summer, which is what I am doing. I will be going back in the class room in the fall. I like SAHM with him but on the other hand getting a few hours away would be nice.

BlondieBia21

@primrosemama- I'm not going to re-quote all of that.

You have a right to your own opinions, and I have a right to mine. I'm not telling you you are wrong for your feelings, I'm just saying that if you're going to find something so little (and obviously not meant to be offensive to anyone) as being so offensive, you're going to be offended quite often. She wasn't personally attacking sahm's. That is all I have to say on this subject. 

PrimRoseMama

BlondieBia21 said:

@primrosemama- I'm not going to re-quote all of that.

You have a right to your own opinions, and I have a right to mine. I'm not telling you you are wrong for your feelings, I'm just saying that if you're going to find something so little (and obviously not meant to be offensive to anyone) as being so offensive, you're going to be offended quite often. She wasn't personally attacking sahm's. That is all I have to say on this subject. 

I never said she was personally attacking anyone. I just disagreed with her reasoning because I found it offensive. It's not a small thing TO ME to call my full time job worthless. I realize she felt that way, but even though she is entitled to her feelings it doesn't mean expressing them can't hurt someone reading them.

It doesn't speak to intent. It doesn't have to in order to be offensive. I am choosing to move on, but it doesn't mean I am doomed to be forever offended at little things. It means I took issue with this one statement & said something.

Truly not the whole jumping that you are describing.

Soleil3

My family and I value having me be able to stay at home, and I love it. Coming from a business perspective, maybe it will just take time to find merit in raising your child vs putting your efforts out into the world? 

Millie1984

I am home with Dylan the vast majority of the time.  I do consider myself a SAHM.  3 times a week, however, I teach private music lessons out of our home, and I have a mother's helper come in and watch him while I do so.  What I do is very part time, but I still had anxiety about doing it at first.  As it turns out, though, I tend to look forward to my lessons because its a time for me to experience and talk about classical music and use my skills.  I find that I am a better mom because it energizes me and simulates me.  I am just in a better mood after I have taught a few lessons.  

I guess my point is that working outside the home (or at home but in a manner non-related to your LO) can be a great thing.  Being a SAHM is a wonderful thing for some, and not a fit for others and you should do what makes you happy.

CaliforniaDream87

BlondieBia21 said:

@primrosemama- I'm not going to re-quote all of that.

You have a right to your own opinions, and I have a right to mine. I'm not telling you you are wrong for your feelings, I'm just saying that if you're going to find something so little (and obviously not meant to be offensive to anyone) as being so offensive, you're going to be offended quite often. She wasn't personally attacking sahm's. That is all I have to say on this subject. 

Amen. This "debate" can go on for days...