Hilarious things men say

addy16

Had our 12 week scan yesterday, everything looking good, moving around tons, heartbeat 159. Feeling pretty happy about stuff.

Then, in the car afterwards, this comes out of DH's mouth:

"He said he can't tell yet if it's a girl or a boy, but he pointed out the diaphragm so it must be a girl, only girls have those!"

Could. Not. Stop. Laughing. 

Then I decided we are moving because there is no way baby will be going to the same school as DH, lol. 

Please feel free to share your own "hilarious things men have said to me lately" or I might just spend NYE laughing/crying myself to sleep.

SimpleComplexity

My brother (a nurse) offered to check my cervix during early labor so I wouldn't have to sit in ER forever. I said, Nah dude, just bring me something to eat while I wait.

Thirtyodd

I'm in the UK and here we have midwives. We were sitting in the midwife's consultation room it was our first appointment. He got a bit bored and he started looking around the room.
The midwife was writing some notes when he pointed to the fake skeleton in the corner- "Hey my pelvis should be that size?" he then looked down to where his pelvis is and he looked extremely puzzled ( he's a big guy).

Me "Cool but that's a female skeleton!" Him "No it's not!"
The Midwife- "This is a midwife's room and that's a FEMALE skeleton!"

I swear my whole face just ached afterwards I laughed so much!

youreggoispreggo

One of our friends asked me "at what age a child should start being in a carseat" and if before that age "you just hold them in your lap".


Bless his heart.

ewatbot

When I was just about 4 or 5 weeks, I was telling my husband we wouldn't have an ultrasound that early because they might just see a yolk sac at that point. He looked so worried and confused and said, "Yolk sac? Like a chicken? Why would you have that inside you?" It was so funny, I actually kind of felt bad for him

Thirtyodd

SimpleComplexity said:

My brother (a nurse) offered to check my cervix during early labor so I wouldn't have to sit in ER forever. I said, Nah dude, just bring me something to eat while I wait.

Yeah that would just seem too weird lol!

bkaylaw17

My DH was looking at a friend's ultrasound and they (a group of guys) were talking about the sex of the baby and if it was a boy or girl. My DH chimes in and says that it's a boy because I can't see it's boobs! I died laughing!!!!!

Ylvelill

These are great

helloblueeyes

This morning i was trying to explain to my DH that he was looking too high with doppler and showing him pictures that give an estimate of the size of the uterus. I showed him 2 weeks vs 11 weeks and then went all the way through to 40. His eyes got all big and he asked if i was ready for that. I just looked him laughing and said "um i think it's too late to really ask that."

AnnaMPAdams

Right before DS was born, DH asked me how old the baby would be when "his ears opened".... Like a dog.

araecasey

AnnaMPAdams said:

Right before DS was born, DH asked me how old the baby would be when "his ears opened".... Like a dog.

That is precious!

Thirtyodd

bkaylaw17 said:

My DH was looking at a friend's ultrasound and they (a group of guys) were talking about the sex of the baby and if it was a boy or girl. My DH chimes in and says that it's a boy because I can't see it's boobs! I died laughing!!!!!

Baby girls can be born with boobs but I'm not sure how common it is, but yeah I see what you are saying. I wonder what sex the baby was though!

January Bride

My H knows absolutely nothing about babies (he's reading books and learning now, though!) When we first discussed breast feeding, I said I would really like to do it if I'm able to, but explained that it doesn't always work for everyone. He looked at me and asked in all seriousness "you may not be able to breast feed because your boobs are small?" #-o

mamakiss

"I'll be Impressed when your belly is bigger than mine" - when I was convinced a tiny little bump started to form.

Other than that, he's all about checking out the WTE app and about reading my updates on the ovia pregnancy app (I think the best mobile accessible info) and he's super interested in what's going on. I'm sure I'll hear him say something sooner or later!

TugboatSheila

Yesterday DH and I were discussing diapers and he said, completely seriously, "Well, the baby goes to the bathroom what, like 4 or 5 times a day?"

BAHAHAH Dear sweet innocent DH. 

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nicole336

DH insists that I need to read to the baby so it will be smart... now. I keep trying to explain to him that it can't even hear me yet!

aurella79

My husband apparently thought guys still waited in the waiting room. He said "I don't need to be in the room for the birth, that's what the doctors are for." Hmmm, we have some work to do

Hail123

A friend just had a baby. And after a couple days of thinking about it, DH said "She was in labour for, like, 18 hours!" 

I said, "Yes, that's pretty normal." 

He paused cautiously before asking, "Will I need to be there the whole time? or can I go fishing for a little bit?"

I glared at him so hard I gave myself a headache.

Katieluc106

funnibunni80 said:

My DH asked me if the baby can hear yet, and we looked it up together. Then he was all "Okay! Starting at 16 weeks we're playing metal ALL THE TIME!!!"

Um, hell and no. But I thought it was cute.

DH played iron maiden ALL THE TIME when I was preg with DD and my belly would go nuts! She's two know and when she gets in the car she yells "maiden momma MAIDEN!!!!"

middleschoolmommy

Quote" rel="funnibunni80">My DH asked me if the baby can hear yet, and we looked it up together. Then he was all "Okay! Starting at 16 weeks we're playing metal ALL THE

Um, hell and no. But I thought it was cute.


My DH had the exact same response. He wants me to get mini speakers for my belly. *eye roll*

Eta: quoting from phone is hard.

Myanswer true

Katieluc106 said:

My DH asked me if the baby can hear yet, and we looked it up together. Then he was all "Okay! Starting at 16 weeks we're playing metal ALL THE TIME!!!" Um, hell and no. But I thought it was cute.

DH played iron maiden ALL THE TIME when I was preg with DD and my belly would go nuts! She's two know and when she gets in the car she yells "maiden momma MAIDEN!!!!"

Haha, we played Skillet for my goddaughter in the womb and when she was being delivered. We now have a headbanging and moshing 3 year old.

SweetTamale38

funnibunni80 said:

My DH asked me if the baby can hear yet, and we looked it up together. Then he was all "Okay! Starting at 16 weeks we're playing metal ALL THE TIME!!!" Um, hell and no. But I thought it was cute.

At eight months pregnant with my son, I went to a Metallica concert.  Guess what kind of music my son likes now. ha ha ha

eortman

My DH and I were getting intimate the other day and he asked "How does this work? Should I use a condom?" I laughed and asked why. He said "I don't know, could you like get pregnant again or something?".  I tried to be nice and not laugh, but seriously? And if it was our first pregnancy, I could have given him more slack, but this is our 4th time around.

Csmama123

My hubby's chat up line when I'm pregnant is "Hey baby, wanna make twins"

sherita461972

DH was in the kitchen, I asked him if he could get me some milk.  He looks through the door of the kitchen with a glass & says "If I bring you your cup, can you get your own?" (while twisting his fingers like he was playing with my nipples!)

I couldn't help but laugh out loud!!!

cayleighs

To preface, I've been eating A LOT of baby carrots the past few days. Well tonight, my husband finished the ice cream, I found out when I went to go get some. So I said something and he said to me it's been In there for 3 days. I said well you didn't ask if The pregnant one wanted any chocolate ice cream. His response was well, I'll save you some baby carrots. I looked at him and just laughed and was like, really? Gotta love my hubby.

Myanswer true

When I told DH I had drafted a tentative birth plan to discuss with the doctor and I wanted him to look at it and see if he had anything to add, his reply text was "Push, scream, baby comes out vagina... end birth plan. Oh, I forgot breathe... you might not want to forget that part." I may or may not have snorted Sierra Mist out my nose.