Late Term and Child Loss

Hope and strength TTC mentioned

Hey ladies,

I have been meeting with a new therapist who I really love. She has been such an amazing addition to my support team. We spoke a lot this last session about hope and strength. I don't have any living children and we have had five losses including the later loss of our sweet girl last year. We spoke about my hope and desire to be a mother to a living child. I am sure many can relate to the conflicted emotions of mourning the loss of a child/children while somehow getting the strength to pick yourself up and try again even when all you have done is fall down over and over. Infertility is so cruel but to overcome it I will need to keep fighting it.

Many friends have asked me how I continue to have the strength to keep going and I guess it is just that desire to be a mother to a living child and that I believe deep down that I will someday be one. However, it made me wonder where in the world this hope comes from given my history of loss.

What keeps you ladies going? Is it the burning desire to be a mother to a living child? I want to make my angels proud too and not give up on giving them a living sibling but some days it's so damn hard and exhausting. Some days I feel like I am living in this alternate universe of sadness and failure but somehow there is still this flame of hope that keeps burning if that makes any sense. Sorry for venting a bit but I would love to know what keeps you going if you have decided to try again.

Re: Hope and strength TTC mentioned

  • ***SIGGY***

    I didn't want my legacy to end with Devon. I always wanted 3-4 children, and I didn't want to stop with him; I felt like I was meant to have more children. One of H's uncles kept telling us that life doesn't stop just because something terrible happens, and he was right. It took awhile to find a way to move forward [counseling helped so much with that], but I did. Once I found closure with Devon's death and accepted that while I wouldn't physically see him again, he would always be a part of me...that's when I felt like I could have another child and have that child be an addition, not a replacement.

    Mothers who have lost babies/children are seriously some of the strongest women in the world, and you are no exception to that. What we've been through is unimaginable for most people. I honestly don't know where the strength comes from to keep going, but you definitely have that strength. I'm so glad you are loving your new therapist and truly, truly hope your rainbow baby will be in your arms soon. **HUGS**


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  • I really appreciate everything that you have said @osuwifey09. You are right. We are all very strong even when we aren't feeling strong because we are all still standing despite our circumstances and maybe that also helps to give strength to keep going.
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  • This is our first loss and while we're nowhere near trying again, my husband and I are in complete agreement we will someday soon. I've not suffered loss of a child but I have suffered my fair share of loss of opportunities with the many failed IF treatments I've endured. I honestly don't know how I keep going I just do because I can't see myself as anything without being a mother. We wanted 2-3 children and we just are trying to convince ourselves when we try again its for our second child just far sooner than originally anticipated.
    Me: 33, Endocrine issues & FVL       DH: 32, Nothing 
    NTNP 2009-2012         TTC since 2012:
    • Clomid, 2 IUI cycles, and 5 IVF cycles = BFN
    • FET #1   August 2013 = BFP!     EDD 5/11/14
    • Jack dx at 19w1d with Dandy Walker on 12/16/13
    • Severe Pre-e /HELLP set in Jack born sleeping at 20w1d on 12/23/13
    • FET #2 --July 2014  BFP!  ---  EDD  4/5/15

    Jack has handpicked his sibling up there :)

    My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog

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  • I might be showing my geek side a bit. But this reminds me of a Doctor Who quote.image
    BFP#1 March24,2011  MC on May 29,2011 BFP#2 Sept,2011 MC Oct 2011 (Molar)
    Started Progestrone Treatment, BFP#3 May 10,2013  PROM/PRL on Sept 7 2013
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  • I honestly don't know what it was...I think it was just that strong desire that outweighed the fears of another loss/IF/etc. There were definitely lots of days when I questioned what I was doing wanting to TTC again, but I just did. Kind of the same way I kept on after losing Eliott...I didn't think I could, but somehow, I just did.
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
  • We have struggled with infertility for 4 years now, and the thing that keeps us going is the fact that the goal has not changed: we want to be parents- to actually parent a child. Jesse was conceived through IVF, and that cycle was our first ever positive pregnancy test. He made me a mother, and DH a father, but we didn't have a chance to actively parent him. We desperately want that experience- that is what keeps us going.
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    TTC since 2008
    Dh:34, no issues.  Me:31, Endo, slightly hypothyroid, deformed ovary, paracentric inversion.
    4 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone +TI cycles= all BFN
    Lap in 2012 to remove large unresolving cyst discovered endo and double lobed ovary.
     6 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone IUI cycles= All BFN,
    1st IVF w/ICSI- June '13 Antagonist: Gonal-F, Menopur, Ganirelix, HcG, Estradiol, Crinone= 7 retrieved, 4 mature, 1 unfertilized, 2 abnormally fertilized, 1 normally fertilized.  2DT of only embryo and our miracle BFP.
    Our beloved baby boy was born sleeping Oct. 13, 2013 due to pROM/IC/Uterine infection.
    2nd IVF w/ICSI- Feb. '14 EPP/lupron/antagonist: Estrace, lupron, HGH, Gonal-F, Menopur, HcG, PIO, lovenox, doxy/dex.=21 retrieved, 16 mature, 15 fertilized!!  5dt of 1 blast/ 6 frozen. BFP!  Beta 1 9dp5dt:83.9  Beta 2: 11dp5dt: 145.2  Beta 3  14dp5dt: 497  Please be our sticky rainbow baby!

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  • PoisonivesPoisonives member
    edited January 2014
    Like you, I would like to share that overflowing love I have for my future child/children.

    Looking at the positive side of things, the experience of losing has created a deeper sense of love for my soon to be baby/babies.
  • I've been struggling with this myself. We are no where near ttc again as our loss is still recent, but, as I put it to others, once we made the decision to have another (after a year long recovery from an injury resulting from my daughters birth that was a tough decision), it's hard to go back on that. We developed this picture in our minds of what our family was going to be. How do you give that up?

    Married August 20th, 2005 to the love of my life.

    1st BFP August 6th, 2010. Missed MC discovered at 13 weeks. 

    2nd BFP January 5th, 2011. Beautiful Harper born September 28th, 2011.

    3rd BFP March 15th, 2013. Treated with methotrexate for ectopic pg at 7 weeks.

    4th BFP August 2nd, 2013. Sweet Micah born sleeping at 21 weeks with full T13. 5th BFP July 1st, 2014. Praying for a healthy, full term rainbow!

  • VyD81VyD81 member
    edited January 2014
    We always wanted children and we wanted to have a child before DH turned 42. We've been trying since beginning of 2010 and struggled with infertility. DH is now 43 but we've a strong desire to parent a living child and will TTC again once the RE gives us the green light to give IUI another shot before we start IVF. Hoping to have another one before he turns 45. I still believe that we will be able to bring home a child, who will be smother with love and an angel brother watching over.
    Ticker id: ra2f

    BFP #2, EDD 12/26/14, please be our rainbow.

  • Absolutely my desire to be a mom largely outweighs my fears and I would not take back a minute of my pregnancy because I loved Carter in a way I didn't know I could. When people tell me they are praying for strength for us I tell them that it must be working because I'm here and I'm okay! ♡
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