2nd Trimester

Delete

sparkles98sparkles98 member
edited December 2013 in 2nd Trimester
So my husband's aunt offered to throw me a shower. She told me I would have to wait to have it because of 4 of the aunts will be gone (they are snowbirds). My SIL also offered to throw me a shower and even offered to combine my side and DH. The thing is I am not comfortable with having the shower after the baby is born. The reason being I am a huge planner and a very anxious person. I like to have things ready and planned and when I don't it creates lot's of anxiety. When DH aunt offered I just kinda nodded and agreed since I wasn't given a choice. My husband agrees with me and doesn't think we should have to wait for 4 of his aunts to return. We would still have 20 people on DHs side to attend. When I told my SIL about this she had mentioned that the aunt may want to see everyone at once. I'm sorry but I don't agree with this. Isn't this supposed to be a shower for me not for the aunt? My MIL is also a snowbird and I'm pretty sure she will not be attending. Now I know you can't expect people to buy you things but anything helps. I figured if we had the shower before we could then fill in the gaps and have everything or most ready by the time the baby arrives. I have emailed DH's aunt and am awaiting a response. Thoughts?

 

Pregnancy Ticker
«1

Re: Delete

  • I agree with above that it's not in good form to dictate shower details, etc. I'd go straight for the subtle, manipulative tactic  - tell her a shower may not be necessary at that point because you will have gone out and purchased most of the things you will need when baby arrives - which is TRUE. I'd also say it will be more difficult to decide when to have it - what if you need a c-section? What if because of medical reasons you are unable to attend on the day they planned? Throw those things out there. If she has any sense, she'll re-think.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Loading the player...
  • I never said it's anyone's responsibility to provide for my baby. I said anything helps. Yes I agree it's a gift I guess I was thinking if my SIL offered to combine the two earlier that would be an option.

     

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I guess I don't see the harm in having the shower after the baby is born.  It happens quite a lot.  Besides, it is her time and money that she is investing into the shower and there is nothing wrong with her having it at a time that is most ideal for her.  

    If it won't work for you, then you can politely decline, but being the guest of honor doesn't give you the right to dictate when she can and can't throw you a party.  
  • Gigi8212 said:
    You have the option to either accept her gift of a shower, under her terms , or decline.


    This.

    Purchase what you will absolutley need to have before your baby is here yourself (so, diapers, car seat, safe place to sleep {crib, bassinet, playard}, a way to feed your baby and a few changes of clothes.)

    Newborns need suprisingly little. 

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

  • Thanks everyone. I didn't post here to be called names. I was asking opinions and there is a way to do that without resorting to that.

     

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • What is a snowbird? :-/


    Married 8.1.2010
    DD #1: Arrived 10.7.2011
    TTC #2 Since March 2013
    BFP 5.20.2013, EDD 1.26.2014, natural mc @ 5 wks 5.25.2013
    BFP 6.21.2013, EDD 3.14.2014, Twins - missed mc @ 7w6d, D&C 8.6.2013
    BFP 10.7.2013, EDD June 20 2014 - It's a GIRL!   


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • It was said that I give off a whiny and bratty impression. Not necessary.

     

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • There are 2 paths forward I would consider here:

    1) I would just tell the aunt that after considering her very generous offer of a shower, that you have to decline because it sounds as if the logistics of it (relative to timing) are proving too difficult. Then accept SIL's offer to host for both sides.

    2) Tell SIL that it would cause fewer family political problems if the shower she is offering to plan only included your side. Then let DH's aunt throw one for his side of the family whenever works for her, even if that is after the baby is here.

    (I'm reading this that SIL is your side, like your brother's wife, not your DH's sister. Option #2 might not work as well if this is not the case.)
    imageimage image
    DS, May 2011
    DD, April 2014

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • coffee-saurcoffee-saur member
    edited December 2013
    I kinda think pdilly2b 's idea would work with no hurt feelings... hopefully :)
    DS 6/6/10
    DD 3/15/12
    DD 6/3/14
    #4 Due 10/26/18!
  • I guess I might be in the minority here. But I would say that after consideration, that you'd have to decline. A shower after the baby is born might just be too hectic. I know Mothers that after they had their baby, didn't want to do anything for months after the birth, then there are Moms that would love to go out right after the baby is born. You won't know what which one you'll fall under. You may not be feeling your best, maybe a c-section had to happen, who knows?

    Also, my family is different. Having helped plan many showers, no one in my family did it with their terms. It was all what the mother-to-be might want/love.
    May 14 Jan Siggy Challenge New Years resolutions I will not keep: Saving Money
    Image and video hosting by TinyPicAnniversary Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Those were my thoughts as well what if I have a c section (there is a good chance of that) or I'm suffering postpartum depression. You just never know.

     

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • coffee-saurcoffee-saur member
    edited December 2013
    @Bliss+Berry
    When I reread what I said I thought 'nope, that was a dumb thing to say' and tried to erase it, but at least u quoted me, so you have my rap sheet :)
    ETA: apologies...
    DS 6/6/10
    DD 3/15/12
    DD 6/3/14
    #4 Due 10/26/18!
  • No I'm happy to get the different opinions. Thank you everyone.

     

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I'm not putting peoples posts down that's the difference.

     

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • This content has been removed.
  • I would just tell aunt you'll have to decline her shower idea.  A shower AFTER baby is born is a no-go.  You have no idea how you'll feel.  Then just see what she says. 

    Otherwise, I swear to you someone else will offer one and if not you'll still get gifts. 

    Also, just be thankful for whatever you receive.  Newborns need nothing but breastmilk/formula, swaddles, some onesies and a place to sleep.  That is it.  Let go of the "anxiety" over what people buy you.  You'll discover a new definition of anxiety with a newborn in your house. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • soylatte said:
    I agree with above that it's not in good form to dictate shower details, etc. I'd go straight for the subtle, manipulative tactic  - tell her a shower may not be necessary at that point because you will have gone out and purchased most of the things you will need when baby arrives - which is TRUE. I'd also say it will be more difficult to decide when to have it - what if you need a c-section? What if because of medical reasons you are unable to attend on the day they planned? Throw those things out there. If she has any sense, she'll re-think.

    This is terrible advice.
    Clearly my sarcasm about the manipulative tactic was missed. But is it not true that she may have complications that could affect the shower -and will she not have gone out to grab the essentials already? Sure - graciously accept a shower after baby is born. But when I have thrown showers, it's to assist mom-to-be with much needed essentials and to make life a little easier.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • In many faiths, showers are not held until after the baby is born, and items for the baby aren't brought home until after the baby's birth. And those families manage just fine. OP, your hostess has very valid reasons for wanting to host a later shower. Either accept her reasons and look forward to a great party after the baby arrives (and you can also take your SIL up on her offer, just be sure the guest lists don't overlap at all with the exception of you and the grandmas-to-be), or decline her shower offer. The one thing you don't get to do is dictate the terms of the shower because it's her gift to you. And FWIW, I had two c-sections as well as PPD with DD1, and would have adored a shower after baby was born.
  • Yes we have already purchased our larger items. It's not expected it's helpful as I stated in my post. Of course nothing is a given.

     

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Bliss Berry you are a bully/troll I could see looking at your profile you already have 19 abuse points. These boards are intended for support and advice.

     

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Exactly, I would have loved a shower after my DD was born too.  I felt so isolated and that made the baby blues even worse.  

    OP, please try to see this from her side.  She wants to do something incredibly nice for you and wants her sisters to be there and enjoy the shower as well.  She is also probably doing this as a way to welcome you into their family and feels it is important for her sisters to be there.  Honestly, if I was hosting a shower for one of my ILs, I would want my sisters to be there too.  
  • Putting many posts down that didn't align with hers is not support or advice. And posting a hurtful gif is not support or advice either.

     

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • edited December 2013
    When do they usually return from the south? If you are due in Mid April you could do a shower at the end of March. True the baby could end up being there for the shower but it isn't too likely and as PP said you buy the main stuff yourself anyways. I can't think of anything I got from my shower that I couldn't live without for a couple weeks. OR you could offer to throw a meet the baby party for your whole family (saying no gifts so people don't feel like they are supposed to bring a second gift) after the baby comes then your SIL will feel more comfortable with hosting a shower before the baby since everyone will still celebrate afterwards the baby together. It would mean more work for you but you could host a simple cookout.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    The bumpie formerly known as First Time in MI
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"