**A14 Book Club - LE** Tuesday Discussion Question

BiggerinRealLife

In the midst of their personal troubles, Becky's friends sometimes have a hard time remembering the ways in which they are fortunate. Kelly, in particular, tends to be scornful when people call her "lucky." But towards the end of the novel, Becky says, "If there was one lesson she'd learned from new motherhood, and from her friends, it was that any bit of good fortune had to be counted as lucky - and that there was always, always someone worse off than you" (398). How does motherhood help put things in perspective for Becky? What does she learn from her friends, and what can we learn by comparing the experiences of each of the four women?

BiggerinRealLife

Ok, I'll admit that I posted this question because I had a problem with that quote in the book. It's true, for sure, but I feel like people - women especially - use the "someone is worse off than you" idea as a way to try and talk someone out of feeling bad about their circumstances.

It's true, and I am so glad that often my circumstances aren't as bad as they could be. But thinking that someone else is worse off doesn't help me. It offers me perspective, sure, but it doesn't help me deal with whatever it is I'm going through. No one else can carry your burdens for you. No one else can go through what you're going through, and the hardest think you've ever been through is still the hardest thing you've ever been through, regardless of there being more severe suffering in the world. 

Anyway. Happy discussing!

snmetz7

I don't think that "some is worse off" accurately describes it. I think that different women, in this book and irl, have a different set of hurdles to go through.

For example in the book,
Lia lost her baby boy to SIDS (devastating) , Becky has the MIL from hell (horrendous), Kelly has an out of work husband who doesn't seem to be going anywhere (stressful) and Ayinde has a husband who cheated on her and fathered someone else's baby (beyond comprehension). They are all in situations that honestly no one wants to be in. I don't think that any one of the is worse off than the other. They are all trying to overcome what is holding them back.

I agree with you BRIL, it doesn't make me feel any better to think that someone is "Worse off" than I am. That same person may think that I am worse off than them. Its all about perspective. I for one, would rather have a "let's see how I can make my life better" perspective than a "well at least I'm not a bad off as so and so"

snmetz7

I'm not saying we can't wallow in our misery from time to time. I'm just saying you don't have to put other people down to do it.
I agree with you about Kelly, if she had just faced it full force and been honest from the begining, it probably woulnd't have gone on for as long or have blown up as much as it did.

BiggerinRealLife

snmetz7 said:

I don't think that "some is worse off" accurately describes it. I think that different women, in this book and irl, have a different set of hurdles to go through.

For example in the book,
Lia lost her baby boy to SIDS (devastating) , Becky has the MIL from hell (horrendous), Kelly has an out of work husband who doesn't seem to be going anywhere (stressful) and Ayinde has a husband who cheated on her and fathered someone else's baby (beyond comprehension). They are all in situations that honestly no one wants to be in. I don't think that any one of the is worse off than the other. They are all trying to overcome what is holding them back.

I agree with you BRIL, it doesn't make me feel any better to think that someone is "Worse off" than I am. That same person may think that I am worse off than them. Its all about perspective. I for one, would rather have a "let's see how I can make my life better" perspective than a "well at least I'm not a bad off as so and so"

@snmetz7 So well said!