Side-Eye Rant

cmelliott

I truthfully try not to judge people on their choices because everyone is brought up differently and has different beliefs. But sometimes when they make a choice that obviously has so much research against it, I'm compelled to side-eye. I was at work awhile ago and a very obviously pregnant woman was walking next to me to the parking lot. She asks me if I smoke, I assume because she wants to move away so she won't be around it, and I say no. She then proceeds to pull one out and light up. I've had another person tell me completely confidently and straight-faced "of course I smoked through my whole pregnancy, it's way too hard to quit, and as you can see my daughter's fine". I just can't believe people can say and do these things and not feel guilty, worried, or embarrassed.

yellowrose314

Sweet fancy Moses...I smoked for years. 2 years ago I found out I was pregnant, the moment I walked out of the doctors office I threw out every single bit of smoking paraphenalia I had on me and in my car and quit on the spot. Unfortunately I miscarried less than a week later, but I haven't picked up a cigarette since; just the thought that my smoking may have impeded my baby's health to the point where the pregnancy spontaneously aborted made me feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. I honestly don't see how anyone could continue to smoke throughout their pregnancy and not feel any sort of guilt about what they're doing.

Wine&Cupcakes

Grrr....as someone who works as a pedi home health nurse, I see SO many kids with various issues. To know that in some of these cases, the issues were 1000% preventable makes me so angry.

24karat

Kimbus22 said:

Some people really are that stupid.

When I was pregnant with my son, I was in the waiting room having my GD test done.  There was a Grandma there with a baby.  Baby was TINY. I thought it was a few days old.  Nope.  This woman proceeds to tell me how she's there because the baby is 3 MONTHS old and weighs 6 1/2 lbs.  They were in getting tests because the poor thing was probably in need of surgery.  She goes off on a rant about how the doctors said the baby's issues were mostly likely due to the mom (this woman's daughter, who wasn't even there) chain smoking the entire pregnancy.  But Grandma said that was ridiculous because she smoked through all her pregnancies and her kids were fine.

It's been 3 years and I still worry about that poor kid.  Probably more than her mother does.  Some people suck.

That poor baby!

krcran06

I teach in England and have had a few students that present obvious cases of fetal alcohol syndrome.  However they are just labeled as having "non specific learning difficulties".  I was talking quietly to one of the older TA about why no diagnosis was made and basically she said they don't like to use the label its easier to sweep it under the carpet.... 

So I assume not talking about it makes it better-because not educating the public is a way to help improve your population.  Even more infuriating is that these kids (who are really lovely children) require more money to educate and will not be able to hold a full time job to pay for their own house and upkeep after they are adults so will perm be using state resources.  And it could have easily been prevented.

missnacholover

Argh, this angers me.  I lost a friend because she was TTC and still smoking.  If you are actively trying, I don't understand why you aren't doing everything in your power to quit unhealthy habits!

Jags8

Yikes. These all make me sad. I don't understand the selfishness. My MIL is a smoker and has been for a few decades. But she quit for all of her pregnancies.

lifeonthehill

I know a girl unofficially diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome. The school is aware and is working with her but the mom says the diagnosis is wrong and there is nothing wrong. Denial isn't helping.
Also a woman who smoked her whole pregnancy and bragged about beating the odds. Her daughter is 22 now and has a lot of issues because of poor brain development in the womb. Keep on bragging lady.

Helenahhandbasket

WhoCanItBeNow said:

missnacholover said:

Argh, this angers me.  I lost a friend because she was TTC and still smoking.  If you are actively trying, I don't understand why you aren't doing everything in your power to quit unhealthy habits!

How fortunate for you that you've never been addicted to something. And fortunate for your friend that she doesn't have to deal with a "friend" like you.

I was going to type something similar (maybe less blunt) and couldn't quite formulate my idea into words.

Smoking is bad for your health.  It's bad for a growing fetus' health.  Everyone knows that. 

It's just a little high-horsey to abandon a friendship becuase you don't like how she was TTCing.

 

Bonnesetter27

My sister smoked during her first pg. I harped on her a lot. Her son was born of normal weight and appears fine. I didn't support her decision but I was still there for her, except the time that she asked me to go get her a pack. I don't agree with what she did and she knows that but judge least you be judged.


fredalina said:

I teach in England and have had a few students that present obvious cases of fetal alcohol syndrome.  However they are just labeled as having "non specific learning difficulties".  I was talking quietly to one of the older TA about why no diagnosis was made and basically she said they don't like to use the label its easier to sweep it under the carpet.... 

So I assume not talking about it makes it better-because not educating the public is a way to help improve your population.  Even more infuriating is that these kids (who are really lovely children) require more money to educate and will not be able to hold a full time job to pay for their own house and upkeep after they are adults so will perm be using state resources.  And it could have easily been prevented.

But some women on the Bump think it's fine to drink while pregnant because it's common in Europe and their rates of FASD are lower than here. Maybe because they don't diagnose the children who have it? Hmmm?

I have only had a few sips of alcohol while pregnant but I don't believe on glass will harm your child unless you have other issues. This is what I was told as I went through my child development classes.
Here is a study from Potsdam. https://www2.potsdam.edu/hansondj/FetalAlcoholSyndrome.html#.UsMKlJg9BsM

 

A large study examined 400,000 women in the U.S., all of whom had consumed alcohol during pregnancy. Not a single case of fetal alcohol syndrome occurred and no adverse effects on children were found when consumption was under 8.5 drinks per week. ³

A review of research studies found that fetal alcohol syndrome only occurs among alcoholics. The evidence is clear that there is no apparent risk to a child when the pregnant woman consumes no more than one drink per day. ⁴

"One drink can hurt your foetus," a mass media campaign in the province of Quebec, was dropped after a number of women who had consumed a single drink while pregnant, often before realizing they were expectant, began demanding abortions.

Source: Dr. Hubert Sacy, presentation at the Gode Alkoholdninger meetings, Kobenhavn, Denmark, April, 2001.

A study of moderate drinking during pregnancy found no negative effects. The researchers suggested that one drink per day provides a significant margin of safety, although they did not encourage drinking during pregnancy. ⁵

A study of pregnancies in eight European countries found that consuming no more than one drink per day did not appear to have any effect on fetal growth. A follow-up of children at 18 months of age found that those from women who drank during pregnancy, even two drinks per day, scored higher in several areas of development. ⁶

An analysis of seven major medical research studies involving over 130,000 pregnancies suggests that consuming two to 14 drinks per week does not increase the risk of giving birth to a child with either malformations or fetal alcohol syndrome. ⁷

easilyunamused

I knew a girl who smoked weed while she was pregnant. Now I haven't smoked in a looong time, but I do remember being paranoid some times while stoned. Not only are you harming the fetus, but I'd would probably have a mini freak out like "what is inside of me"?!! 

missnacholover

Helenahhandbasket said:

WhoCanItBeNow said:

missnacholover said:

Argh, this angers me.  I lost a friend because she was TTC and still smoking.  If you are actively trying, I don't understand why you aren't doing everything in your power to quit unhealthy habits!

How fortunate for you that you've never been addicted to something. And fortunate for your friend that she doesn't have to deal with a "friend" like you.

I was going to type something similar (maybe less blunt) and couldn't quite formulate my idea into words.

Smoking is bad for your health.  It's bad for a growing fetus' health.  Everyone knows that. 

It's just a little high-horsey to abandon a friendship becuase you don't like how she was TTCing.

 

You're right, I sound like an ass.  I shall explain.  We were in an online group and she was pregnant and still smoking.  Some of the women in the group said that they would've thought she would've tried to quit smoking prior to TTC (it was a planned pregnancy), which she admitted she didn't try.  I agreed with them and she left the group on a huff.  I actually never even met her IRL.  Perhaps the word "friend" was wrong to use.  Anyway, luckily her baby is doing well and seems healthy via pictures on FB.  I'd never bail on a friend if she was struggling. 

krcran06

Bonnesetter27 said:

My sister smoked during her first pg. I harped on her a lot. Her son was born of normal weight and appears fine. I didn't support her decision but I was still there for her, except the time that she asked me to go get her a pack. I don't agree with what she did and she knows that but judge least you be judged.


fredalina said:

I teach in England and have had a few students that present obvious cases of fetal alcohol syndrome.  However they are just labeled as having "non specific learning difficulties".  I was talking quietly to one of the older TA about why no diagnosis was made and basically she said they don't like to use the label its easier to sweep it under the carpet.... 

So I assume not talking about it makes it better-because not educating the public is a way to help improve your population.  Even more infuriating is that these kids (who are really lovely children) require more money to educate and will not be able to hold a full time job to pay for their own house and upkeep after they are adults so will perm be using state resources.  And it could have easily been prevented.

But some women on the Bump think it's fine to drink while pregnant because it's common in Europe and their rates of FASD are lower than here. Maybe because they don't diagnose the children who have it? Hmmm?

I have only had a few sips of alcohol while pregnant but I don't believe on glass will harm your child unless you have other issues. This is what I was told as I went through my child development classes.
Here is a study from Potsdam. https://www2.potsdam.edu/hansondj/FetalAlcoholSyndrome.html#.UsMKlJg9BsM

 

A large study examined 400,000 women in the U.S., all of whom had consumed alcohol during pregnancy. Not a single case of fetal alcohol syndrome occurred and no adverse effects on children were found when consumption was under 8.5 drinks per week. ³

A review of research studies found that fetal alcohol syndrome only occurs among alcoholics. The evidence is clear that there is no apparent risk to a child when the pregnant woman consumes no more than one drink per day. ⁴

"One drink can hurt your foetus," a mass media campaign in the province of Quebec, was dropped after a number of women who had consumed a single drink while pregnant, often before realizing they were expectant, began demanding abortions.

Source: Dr. Hubert Sacy, presentation at the Gode Alkoholdninger meetings, Kobenhavn, Denmark, April, 2001.

A study of moderate drinking during pregnancy found no negative effects. The researchers suggested that one drink per day provides a significant margin of safety, although they did not encourage drinking during pregnancy. ⁵

A study of pregnancies in eight European countries found that consuming no more than one drink per day did not appear to have any effect on fetal growth. A follow-up of children at 18 months of age found that those from women who drank during pregnancy, even two drinks per day, scored higher in several areas of development. ⁶

An analysis of seven major medical research studies involving over 130,000 pregnancies suggests that consuming two to 14 drinks per week does not increase the risk of giving birth to a child with either malformations or fetal alcohol syndrome. ⁷

Appreciate the fact based logical argument.... rare to find those on the internet these days

childtocherish

Its very much clear that smoking is injurious to health .As you take different kinds of multi vitamins so that your baby is healthy inside tummy .You take all kinds of precautions ,then how could you think smoking will not affect  the baby.

jjsmommy0714

I used to teach preschool and one of my kids had FAS. His mother knew what alcohol does to a baby (how could anyone not know!?!) and yet she still did it. He had (still has) serious learning, behavior and social issues. When I stopped teaching she was pregnant again and still drinking. She actually asked me to go to her baby shower AT THE WINERY. She makes me absolutely sick. I see them at Wal-Mart from time to time and I always talk to my former student but I try my best to avoid talking to the mother too much.

SmileyJay

I feel like a lot of misinformation is from doctors being too nice or choosing their battles with uneducated expectant moms. They don't want to lose a client or make someone feel bad so they say "you really should try to stop smoking" instead of "you are hurting your baby, you need to stop immediately or risk x,y, and z" and hand them a pamphlet about risks. Same for drinking and poor diet. We are just too nice. 

I hate the personal anecdotes that "well I knew someone who..." especially with pregnancy. You have no idea how the child would be if you had done something differently so it is silly. The very point of the "I knew someone who..." statements is they are showing an exception which proves that the speaker realizes that in general it is best to not chose that behavior. 

SmileyJay

** Just adding because I just read above where alcohol was tied in. In my statement above I mean heavy drinking. I feel like a lot of doctors just skirt the issue knowing if they confront the mother sternly she will likely continue drinking and just do without proper prenatal care or switch providers and lie about alcohol consumption. A pregnant woman who is heavily drinking and smoking is probably not the type to read journal articles on the subject. Just sayin'.

If you are comfortable having a glass of wine while pregnant, all studies I have ever seen suggest it is perfect safe. I don't drink when not pregnant for unrelated reasons so I have no real feelings about this. 

yvanehtnioj

I have a friend who was pregnant in 2012. Not only did she not quit smoking, she didn't even cut back. She basically said, "What's the worst that could happen? A smaller baby? Easier for me." At the time I didn't really know all the risks specifically. But then I again, I wasn't the one carrying the baby! Now that I'm pregnant, I can't imagine not even trying to quit, knowing what I know now.  Between that & the unprescribed Norco she was taking, I lost a TON of respect for her, forever.

CowgirlK39

@yvanehtnioj I just wanted to say that your username made by day as well as your parakeet siggy. I had a keet who used to run like that all over the place. It was hilarious.

As for the topic, I was talking to some one about the same thing once and she told me about a girl who drank with every pregnancy. On her second one, she was at the bar throwing them back when someone gave her the side eye. She glared and said "don't judge me, you have no idea what I have been through." That is absolutely no excuse. Your issues in life do not mean your get to punish your child for life.

yvanehtnioj

@cowgirlk39 this gif had me at "parakeet running in slow motion." There's just no way that couldn't be the best thing I've ever seen!

orangecrush32

One of my coworkers was lighting up while quite obviously pregnant. Everyone in the department was side eyeing her. In this day and age how can you do something that is so knowingly bad for your baby?

You should have to pass a test to have a baby. Seriously