I can't. I just....can't.

CowgirlK39 · December 2013

I can't deal with my ILs lately. I feel like I go thru spurts of not seeing them a lot, and then seeing them too much and wanting to scream. Over the summer, BILs were making it a habit of coming over every week, sometimes multiple times. They wouldn't ask, they would just tell us they were coming over. DH thought nothing of it and kept allowing it but I got so sick of it. They ate our food drank our drinks, and made our place their personal hang out. DH and I talked about it and agreed that they had to ASK to come over and that I would be asked as well. They stopped coming over as often and it worked out well.

But that's all starting to fade again, and BILs are coming over more and more. They do ask DH, who then asks me, but if I try to veto it I get some guilt trip. They asked to come over Friday, which I didn't like because our place was still a mess from Christmas, but DH said "oh they don't care what the house looks like!" So BILs showed up, brought the ones gf with them, and then about and hour later, one of their friends walked in. They asked to come over again today which I was okay with because we all planned to watch the football game. There was a knock on the door and one BIL yelled "come on in!" In walked their friend again. DH asked wtf this was about and asked why he didn't tell us this guy was coming over.

I just get mad because BILs still live at home and come to our place to get away from MIL. We have become their personal hang out and some days I am just not in the mood. They are very loud and, because they are 21 and 17, they goof around and act stupid the whole time. But the other problem is that MIL sees them leave, and gets mad that she isn't invited. She gets mad whenever she isn't involved in anything so then we have to deal with all the backlash and irrational BS that she spews at us afterward.

I just can't deal anymore. If I complain to DH he will tell them that I don't want them to come over and then I look like the bad guy. I don't want to seem like the mean bitch who doesn't allow his family to come over but they just wear me out.

Jags8 · December 2013

Your husband is just going to have to stand up for you. Rather than saying "she says no" he needs to use "we" language. Perhaps he needs to tell his brothers that they have to wait to be invited over, rather than constantly asking if they can come over.

Also, if the 21-year-old wants a place to hang out, IMHO I think it's high time he get his own place.

Wine&Cupcakes · December 2013

This would annoy me a bit too...not so much the BIL's coming over, but the fact that they are much younger and less mature and especially the fact that they are inviting other people over without consulting with you. I agree with the above advice, your husband needs to put on his big boy pants and use some "we" language and express that while you enjoy seeing them, your house isn't a free-for-all for them and their friends - also, it wouldn't kill them to bring their own munchies and drinks once in a while to chip in. That's my two cents...

CowgirlK39 · December 2013

Jags8 said:

Your husband is just going to have to stand up for you. Rather than saying "she says no" he needs to use "we" language. Perhaps he needs to tell his brothers that they have to wait to be invited over, rather than constantly asking if they can come over. Also, if the 21-year-old wants a place to hang out, IMHO I think it's high time he get his own place.

We keep saying this! Both DH and I agree and try to tell BIL that he needs to save and get his own place and be a big boy. He spend all his money very poorly, and tends to blow money on stupid stuff, so he has no intention of moving out. He tells us that he plans to buy this or that, and DH and I both always respond with "why don't you save and move out?" He never has an answer.

We had a situ this morning with them as well. We have a garage on our property that our landlord rents out separately. We joined with FIL to split the cost of the garage for the winter to store some cars and their motorcycles. We made it clear that things would be put away in the fall and not come out till the snow is gone. BIL called today and told us he was coming over to put his motorcycle in the garage. Everything has been tucked away for two months and NOW you want in on this! Plus, he isn't paying towards the rent! He showed up with his parents which didn't help matters. DH did set them all straight that this is not to happen again and that we will NOT be renting this next year!

meganscherer · December 2013

I have an annoying BIL who is 36( much older) he use to do this. He has his own place and is very independent. But, when DH and I lived down the street from him he would either come over without giving us notice or call my husband when he was on his way. And, him doing this got very old after a while when he started bringing his gf over. I finally told DH that he needs to tell his brother that if he wants to come over thats fine but needs to ask before leaving the house. He agreed and talked to him, after that he never did that again.

I have no advice for you other than telling your husband to keep in mind that this is "our" house not just "yours" and he needs to stand with you and tell your BILs they can't keep doing this.

Mysterious_wife · December 2013

Time to get your H in control.

bugandbibs · December 2013

I do not answer the door for people who don't call first and come over uninvited. It's harsh, but it never takes more than 2 times for people to get a clue.