How would you deal? — The Bump
Special Needs

How would you deal?

We entertained our close friends today who came from out of town, and this is the second visit I noticed that our children (4 & 4.5yo) don't get along.

While they both have the same energy levels & interests, my friends LO will deliberately seek out behaviors which will upset my child, and then in return DS will act out back, or the other way around will happen. I try to gauge DS in reminding him how we act around others, getting down to his level., and my friend will do the same with her child. Sadly, more often than not ,we are putting out fires when the kids interact.

How do you cope in a situation like this, without damaging a friendship? I can't help but think to limit the kids time together by going out to lunch, not in close quarters and/or just parents go out. Wdyt?
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Re: How would you deal?

  • I have this problem with a friend of my typical LO.  The friend will deliberately do things to upset my older ASD son.  Drives me nuts and I do spend most of the visit putting out fires. I have began limiting our time and try to avoid bringing my older son along. Mom isn't much of a help either.
  • My sons do not go to the same school. This little boy goes to a school in the city and it is a bullying issue.  He ca be a mean kid who pushes buttons intentionally. I also make sure each boy has opportunity for separate social lives because I know that is important and healthy.   I limit my typical LOs time with the boy as well. It is a difficult situation. 
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  • Princess_LilyPrincess_Lily member
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2013
    In our situation, one child will hit the other with a toy...and the other child will hit back, but instead of it becoming a friendly romp they seek to hurt each other. Another example is, one child is sitting quietly, and the other child comes up and hits their toy that their playing with to "get their goat." I'm taking out whose child did what & when...since both children act out to each other, both are culpable.

    All of the parents try to step in to no avail. The children seem to still act out anyway. antagonizing each other.

    It sucks because we all are friends, except our kids. We'll just have to limit the children's interactions...
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  • In general I have found it to be very difficult to find the right mix of kids/adults who we can just hang out with while our children play without many incidents.   There needs to be a balance of different types of personalities.  This mix might not work right now, but maybe it will in the future when the kids develop better play skills and mature. I wouldn't give up on it all together (my situation is different. More an issues of a parent who lets their child run wild ) , but maybe you all should chat about it. That way hopefully hard feelings can be avoided and friendships can be maintained. I have found this aspect to be so challenging.   
  • I agree, its hard...especially when the parents are close friends.

    Fortunately its not a common thing I experience often, since they live out of town, it just sucks. Hopefully the kids will grow out of this soon.
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