Stranger Danger question

ReeceFamily

DD is 11 months old and goes to daycare. There are 3 teachers in her infant room and she is very comfortable with them, but cries if any other teachers are there or even parents she doesn't recognize. Her teachers say she is the pickiest infant they have had in terms of tolerating strangers.

So, my question: today when I picked DD up, there were only 3 infants in the room and they were being cared for by the toddler room teacher for the last hour of the day. DD was inconsolable, and sobbed for another 10 minutes even after I arrived to pick her up.

I talked to DH tonight and said that next time I'll tell them to call me and I'd pick her up a little early if none of her "safe" teachers were able to be there at the end of the day. DH said, no, I should let her be so she could learn to get used to new people. I told him that she can't learn to trust new people at this age and in a state of distress like that...but am I right? What is the AP take on this?

MelissaV10

I would definitely ask to pick her up early if there is no one she knows. She's way to young to be put through the stress if she isn't ready for it.

TiffanyBerry

You are right that she isn't going to be able to learn and adapt when she is under that much stress.  I might suggest having them call you to pick her up early (if that's an option), but stay for a little while if you can, so that you are with her while the unfamiliar teachers are there too.

musicalmama5

I agree with PP's. it'll actually teach her the opposite now. She's too young.

cpmich

She is also in the heart of the separation anxiety developmental stage. AP or not, she would be going the same thing. Troubling the teachers haven't mentioned that for an 11 m.o.

Emerald27

I agree with all of the above. This is prime time for separation anxiety and stranger anxiety, and the easiest way to help her through it (and likely the fastest) will be to respect her uneasiness. You and those teachers are her rock and she trusts you now. She needs that solid foundation from which to launch into further social relationships.

ReeceFamily

Thanks everyone!! I'm going to talk to daycare so she doesn't have to go through that again.

opheliainwaders

I wonder, too (jumping off PP's suggestion re: you spending time there with the new teacher), if there is going to be a consistent "other" teacher in the evenings, the daycare could have her spend a bit more time in the infant room when the "safe" teachers are there, so your LO can get used to her over time? Maybe switch with one of the 3 infant teachers for a week? (Not sure whether this is possible)

=Lee=B

It's been said already but I will say it again.  11 months is a prime age for separation anxiety...the daycare should know this.  Obviously some families just can't arrange to pick their child up early for staff need to figure out how to help the child through it...but if you can easily go and get her early then do it.  An 11 month just does not have the mental capacity to learn that they "have to get used to new people" when they are stressed out and cannot calm themselves.

The daycare should be making a point of having those teachers in contact with your child when your child is calm and comforted by her 'safe' teachers' to help her out.  Also, allowing this bonding time not at the very end of a long day would greatly help.  Are they changing the room your daughter is in, as well as the teacher?  If so maybe they can have the children cared for in her normal room to help keep some consistency?

Can you pick her up early, but stay that last hour?  Then your daughter can get used to the other teacher while still comforted and safe with you in the room? 

 

ReeceFamily

I like the idea if going a little early and staying there with her. I don't think this will happen often, it was because if the holiday (usually at least one of her comfort zone teachers is there ) but I'm going to be prepared the next time it does happen and ask them to call me.