What Now?

victoria+james

I miscarried last night at 6 weeks 1 day.

DH and I had just signed up for infertility treatments when I got my positive. We finally were having a baby. But now...

I don't have any idea how to cope with this and even though we weren't very far along, I loved our baby more than anything. How can I stop blaming myself for this when all I feel is hatred toward my body for what its done?

tumbleweed123

 victoria+james  I also had just made an appt. to meet with the fertility doc when I found out I was pregnant.  We'd been trying for over a year and I was devastated when we found out there was no heartbeat.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  It doesn't matter that it was early, it was still a baby that you loved and wanted...please know that other people understand the horrible pain you are feeling and that you are not alone.  I'm just going day by day right now...it's been about two weeks since my MC and my heart is still broken.  The MC is not your fault. Do not blame yourself.  I have gone though that same line of thinking...and the fact is that there is nothing that you did to cause this...it is not your fault.  I totally understand...sending you hugs.

kikimeemee

I'm so sorry, Victoria(+James).  You are validated here that your loss is deep, painful and just plain awful!  It may take you some time to realize it's not your fault, or maybe you can see a therapist for some help on that.  I can relate to the anger you feel, except mine isn't at my body; it's just anger at...well...I actually have no idea what it is I should direct my anger towards; I'm just angry.   I had a miscarriage that carried on from Thanksgiving to just before Xmas, so I think anger is justifiable.   I don't know what anyone can say to convince you it's not your body's fault. but perhaps hearing many people say it's not your fault will create some ease.   Has a doctor told you it's usually because your body has decided the egg and sperm weren't the best chromosomal mix?  We aren't perfect beings and sometimes the sperm and/or egg aren't the strongest...and it's nothing more than that.   I don't know...maybe logic and facts don't help and you just need reminders that you are not at fault and that your pain is real and it's okay to be sad!!  You have real loss, so anger and sadness are a healthy way to respond.  I'm so sorry...   ::hugs::

victoria+james

@tumbleweed123 @kikimeemee - Thank you for your responses. My logical mind knows I did nothing to cause this but I'm having a hard time listening to it over the sadness I feel. I'm sure with time I'll feel better and this overwhelming sense of helplessness will pass.

kikimeemee

victoria+james said:

My logical mind knows I did nothing to cause this but I'm having a hard time listening to it over the sadness I feel.

Oh my gosh, YES...  You put that so poetically and accurately, Victoria.   I am a very practical and logical woman, but my gosh, this experience has put me through the ringer and I can't think straight myself.  You have put into words what I could not for the past several weeks.    Thank you...

tumbleweed123

 kikimeemee  i feel the same way!  

Allyson25

I also miscarried the day after Christmas at 6w2d. I was not prepared for the amount of incredible sadness and feelings of worthlessness I have right now. I keep trying to tell myself that there was something wrong with the baby, it was not my fault, the stress I was having from the spotting and work and my cat being sick at the vet did not cause this, but I have that little voice in the back of my mind telling me that it was all my stupid body's fault. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but hopefully just knowing that others are sharing your grief with you can help you to cope and heal in time.

kikimeemee

Allyson25 said:

I was not prepared for the amount of incredible sadness and feelings of worthlessness I have right now.

I felt the same exact way, and 2 weeks after my miscarriage am still battling these feelings.  But we both know, we ladies on here have done nothing to truly cause it.  Our bodies are designed to handle these situations well.  The emotions and feelings, well, those are a whole other story!!  Each passing day helps me, and working helps me pass the time especially.

 

You did nothing wrong -- you have to tell yourself that over and over...