And so it begins......

JBDamonM

Yup, December 27th. 363 days until Chrismas.... and I just had to hear it from my sister about how her feelings are hurt because she felt like my husband did not want to be at my Mom's on Christmas morning (he didn't - he was mad at me because he wanted to have time as our own family on Christmas morning and I agreed to doing breakfast with them and dragged us over there) AND how since I'm all about changing our families traditions how I need to change his families and not spend Christmas day with them every year.

I am so flucking annoyed. First off - we're talking a year out. Second off - I actually like Christmas Day at his cousins and find it way more fun than any of my own families celebrations  ( would never admit that) and third off - I don't ever whine or give my two cents on how my sisters split their holidays with the in-laws. Why am I not getting the same treatment in return????

Excuse me while I go bang my head on a wall.

kzawisl

Ugh!!! I am sorry you're dealing with that. DH and I decided never to try to split one day among both families, because someone will always end up feeling slighted, no matter how hard to try. But we have it easy, because we don't have any family that even lives in the same state we do.

JBDamonM

I SOOOOOO wish we didn't have both sets of families local. I am the only one in my family in this position and I think it screws me all the time. Perhaps I am being selfish by not rotating years and instead sticking with something that we have fun with. I guess that could be seen from both sides, but I have never expected my family to make or alter plans around me. I think they are way too hard on me, I should not have to explain myself the way I do ALL.THE.TIME.  Not to mention the issue at hand this year is that I now have a child and I want family time for Christmas morning. Maybe we can invite my family over if they want to next year in the AM - I don't know, I haven't thought about it that much - as ya know, it's 363 days away.

I hung up the phone, cried and then called one of my best friends for the name of her therapist. The balance of appeasing my family has been an ongoing struggle. It's not healthy for me and I really think I need someone to help me work through the guilt I am often left with.

JBDamonM

MrsLee04 said:

I totally understand.  Until we had kids, we "had to" alternate between his family (2 hours away) and mine (out of state) for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  So each year we were traveling for both holidays.  I wanted to stay home once in awhile, but that wouldn't fly.

Once we had kids I put my foot down.  I told the families I want my kids to spend Christmas morning/day at home.  We do an celebration with ILs ahead of time (we did it over a week ago) and we'll be visiting my family after Christmas this year.  Fortunately they have all dealt with it.  I think everyone should be allowed to spend Christmas Day in their own home (if they want to) and families should come to compromises about when to celebrate together on a different day near Christmas.

That's just it - I am really starting to believe that my family is not capable of just dealing with it. We do T-Giving with my mom and sisters, Christmas Eve with my dad, and Christmas Day with my in-laws. They have their panties in a bunch b/c I told them I was cutting out Christmas Morning with my mom and sisters..... They get T-Giving and most of them live here and can see LO any time - and that's the funny part, I don't see my door being knocked on. GRRRR.

queenbone

JBDamonM said:

I SOOOOOO wish we didn't have both sets of families local. I am the only one in my family in this position and I think it screws me all the time. Perhaps I am being selfish by not rotating years and instead sticking with something that we have fun with. I guess that could be seen from both sides, but I have never expected my family to make or alter plans around me. I think they are way too hard on me, I should not have to explain myself the way I do ALL.THE.TIME.  Not to mention the issue at hand this year is that I now have a child and I want family time for Christmas morning. Maybe we can invite my family over if they want to next year in the AM - I don't know, I haven't thought about it that much - as ya know, it's 363 days away.

I hung up the phone, cried and then called one of my best friends for the name of her therapist. The balance of appeasing my family has been an ongoing struggle. It's not healthy for me and I really think I need someone to help me work through the guilt I am often left with.

((HUGS)) I'm sorry they make you feel so guilty. That isn't right.

pb_bride

@JBDamonM - hugs to you. It sucks to have families like this. Wish I had an easy solution for you. Hey, how about moving somewhere far, far away from the lot of them?