When you are in the "struggle" alone...

starrdiva211

I hope everyone had a great holiday!!!! You may remember my post from about juggling work and all of your child's appointments...

Well this morning, I took the little one to his oral motor therapy appointment and thought that it would be a great idea for dad to come along with me. I had been trying to explain to him why it is important for the little one to go to the therapy but I believed I was leaving somethings out. I also want him to get more involved with his treatment and therapies.

I was kinda pissed at him when we got there because he pulled out his phone and was on it a majority of the time and no really paying attention to what the speech path was saying and he was on the other side of the room (I had to make him move his chair closer to the feeding table). Then on the sly he was dismissing everything that the speech path was saying.

When we were leaving, I asked him did he still think it was a waste of time for him to go to oral motor and of course he said it was. Why couldnt I just look this up on the internet and do it at home. I then I asked him about Physical Therapy and the play therapy/OT through ECI and he just gave me a shrug. I reminded him that our son had surgery for a congentinal(sp) defect and that these issues were going to happen. I told him that I am sorry that our son wasnt just a grower/feeder preemie and he has this issues. And that any of this isnt easy... He said that I am making it hard as always... and then silence

And it really hit me that I am in the struggle alone :-( And I started to question myself and the decisions. I mean, is all of this really needed? Should I stop all of his therapies and let everything happen "naturally"? If I stop them, then I wont have to worry about juggling work around his appointments and having to ask his father to juggle around his schedule to help out... This hurts so bad and I am so stressed from it. I dont know where to go from here...

Thanks for letting me vent :-)

KrystIelove

Please do not give up on therapy. It's better to be safe than sorry, especially when it comes to your preemie. My 26 weeker might not need any occupational therapy yet I will make sure she sees a therapist either way. Hang in there!

aessary03

I'm really sorry that you're in this position. I think if your son's doctor has recommended therapies and if you and the therapists are seeing progress toward goals then you should definitely continue the therapies. If you and the therapists are not seeing any progress then it's time to sit down with the therapists and/or the doctor and have a serious conversation about what the next step is. However, my guess is that if they weren't seeing any progress, they would have said something to you.

Unfortunately, you may never get your husband on board with all the interventions that are necessary to help your son. Is he in denial about the issues with your son? And his way of coping with it is to down play the need for any of these services? I'm not making excuses for him. Simply trying to understand where he might be coming from. Either way, it puts you in a very frustrating and lonely position. Do you have any other supports in the area, such as parents, in-laws, or good friends, that could help you out with appointments as needed?

Good luck

ForevAAROSE

Some men are like that. Women always come around first. Continue therapy and don't even mention it to him. Don't ask him to come, don't mention progress, do it solo and stay strong and he'll come around. Lil guy is first. No time for his drama. Gl to you

[Deleted User]

So ironic because I was coming on here to post about my lovely DH and our fight from last night about something so similar. I want my son to have the synagis shot and DH began grilling me about it and accused me that I haven't done the research on it and how dare I make that decision. While it sucks that it had to resort to it, he has been working constantly. I've become our child's advocate and I'm the one that talks to all the doctors nurses and researches on line. I told him off last night and told him that he doesn't have the right to question me unless he's talked to the doctors and looked it up himself. He doesn't even know what the RSv is and the risks involved. It's so frustrating. Until last night he showed no interest whatsoever. I'm sorry for what you are going through but I would not stop the therapy. Essentially you are your child's advocate and you need to continue what's best for your child.

starrdiva211

Thanks everyone for the support and letting me vent.

In the conversation that i had with him in the car coming from the therapy, I told him that I am always constantly researching and looking for support for other parents who had been in this struggle and how others cope because it is not easy.

My son's father and I have been on again/off again for awhile now and the issues with my son kinda strains it even more. About a month ago, he asked me what was the point of our son going to all of these specialist and why do I run to the doctor everytime something was wrong with him. Since my son's father is an over the road truck driver, he really wasnt around for a lot of the NICU scares and issues with my pregnancy so that may be a reason that he is kinda detached from it all. And I do think he is in denial about have a child with medical needs sometimes it is kinda like a 'Why me' kinda thing.

I have suggested counseling and this time he agreed to it. I have been going myself to get some of my frustrations out and to have someone to talk to. All of my family is 5 hours away and his family is 3 states away so it is just lil ole me balancing it all.