So, how'd it go?

stefuge

Just wondering how everyone's Christmas went? Any fun, happy, sad, angry stories to tell?

For me - the day was awful awful awful. We went to my ILs on Christmas Eve (mistake number one), with the plan to stay for a few days, and while it wasn't a large group of family or anything, it was still just too much. I made it through Christmas Eve, but yesterday I had a full on breakdown, ran out of the house with an excuse to go find WiFi ( mistake number two - my ILs live in the country without cell service or wifi, so I felt completely disconnected from any source of encouragement or venting) and headed out to the beach to just sit and cry and miss Colton. No one talked about him, no one asked how we were doing, nothing. We had framed prints made with a quote we like and his name and birthdate to give to everyone in his memory, and no one really cared when they opened it. I felt so drained, I told my DH I wanted to come home, so while we had planned to stay a day or so longer, we came home late last night. His family was so mad we were leaving, they didn't understand why it was such a difficult day and why we wanted to go home (his mom was crying in the kitchen when my DH told her we were leaving, having a pity party for herself that we were leaving early). It was so awkward and awful and I really didn't care. I just wanted to be home and in my own space. I knew the day would be hard but I didn't prepare myself for how difficult it would be. Being at my ILs I felt like I couldn't just be sad, that I had to hold it all in and put on a happy face, and it just exploded. This is one Christmas I will never forget!

Thanks for letting me vent! Any one else have "fun" holiday stories to share? Or actual fun stories to tell?

jonahsma

Yeah my bil brought over his 2 month old baby girl who was conceived through an affair,wth. It was our first time meeting her and I just broke down. He cheated on his wife got another girl pg and now he had his baby girl. Why can't I have my baby girl? Doesn't seem fair

stefuge

@aragosta - I love the gift that your DHs cousin gave you. That is so thoughtful. When we celebrated Christmas with my family a couple days ago I received some really thoughtful gifts in memory of Colton - a couple little figurines and a bracelet, which I really love. I think that made it that much harder when things were so difficult with DHs family.

Dixon813

~~Siggy Warning~~



I was surprised over the past couple of days when two people remembered our babies with ornaments with their names - that was so very special.

Yesterday, in general, was OK, until night time..  DH got me this beautiful necklace https://thevintagepearl.com/you-make-my-heart-sing.html which made me tear up while we were opening gifts.  Then as we were making dinner, listening to music, "Joseph's Lullaby" came on and DH lost it.  It's the song that DH associates with Gabe.  Later that night, I was just very sad... I had a good cry then went through their memory boxes.

It's so strange, because I'm able to find the joy and happiness of the day, yet it will always be tinged with sadness and what could have been.  Hugs to you all!

bunnybun4

I'm so sorry to the ladies that had a tough day.  @aragosta your cousin is awesome

For some reason I was super emotional on Christmas Eve.  I cried a lot...barely made it through church...broke down in the parking lot afterwards.  it's just hard doing all of this without her...and its hard being around people who are so happy it's the holidays when you have such a bittersweet heart.

Christmas was actually pretty good (this is my second Christmas, last year was definitely harder).  But I did find myself wishing throughout the day that SOMEONE would acknowledge her...I even was thinking how sweet it would have been for someone to have made some kind of donation in her honor.  But nothing...not even a word.  It hurts but I know people just don't know what to say.

DH and I are headed to the beach this weekend for new years...we did it last year and it was so relaxing and just a nice break from reality...it is pulling me through.

stefuge

@dixon813 - that necklace is beautiful, what a sweet gift!

MrsLaurenandDan

**siggy warning**

@agagosta That is a beautiful gift.  

I'm sorry to everyone who had a rough day.  It was sad here, but we spent the holiday at home.  We saw extended family at Thanksgiving and that was hard because I had to keep up the front.  But yesterday I could react and feel however I needed too, and that helped a lot.  

Xath

*siggy warning*

When we went to my parents' house they had a stocking for Ellie with 3 Hershey kisses in it, a kiss from each of my parents and my sister, they said.

We went to my grandmother's after for presents/dinner with the rest of the family. It was nice, but difficult. No one mentioned her at all. When it was time for the kids to open presents, we go from youngest to oldest. No one even mentioned her. Today is her birthday, and no one mentioned that yesterday either. I know everyone had a lot on their minds, but it was her first Christmas, and it was just so hard to not have her anywhere in the celebrations, even in conversation.

Dixon813

gertiebarden

How sweet that your parents had a stocking for her!  And happy birthday to your precious Ellie!  Sending you prayers and hugs...

VyD81

We released some balloons and placed a small Christmas tree at Raynor's memorial on the 24th. 1 of the balloons was blue from my sister, she wanted to send him one. We didn't do anything on Christmas, it was exactly 3 months from our loss. When DH called his family to wish them a Merry Christmas,no one ask how we were doing or mentioned Raynor. 

We were crying most of yesterday 

@aragosta, what a wonderful gift. I just ugly cried reading your post. 

stefuge

@gertiebarden - the stocking with the kisses is such a cute idea! And happy birthday and ((hugs)) for your sweet Ellie.

weddedwife

Hi ladies. This was my 3rd Christmas since our son died. It was still bittersweet. I broke down in my parents' church when they sang "Silent Night" and had to go hide in the bathroom. Awful.

Christmas Day, nobody mentioned him. Even though his urn is right on our mantle where the stockings hang. I lit his candle right there just as we were beginning to open gifts, but still no one said anything That hurt. But even though it was a little candle, it burned all. day. long! I don't know how, but it made me really happy.

Now the holidays are over. I hope everyone can breathe a sigh of relief. Grieving is so hard during the holidays.

stefuge

@weddedwife - oh, I am so sorry. That breaks me heart. And I agree - I am so relieved the holidays are over!

mingaling2

My mother didn't mention Coraline at all. My sister gave me a Willow Tree ornament called "Forget Me Not", which was sweet, but she got her name wrong (said "Caroline").  I flinched at that.

I didn't expect much to begin with, so I'm glad to be home.

jess123456

I am also glad Christmas is over. We have a beautiful ornament with our daughter's name on it. My sister in law walked by the tree and whispered to her mom about it trying for me and my husband not to hear. I said in a loud voice over them "yes, that is a special ornament made just for Grace. Isn't it beautiful?". It's almost like they feel like they can't even say her name. I wanted to break the silence and hint that it is OK to mention her but they didn't seem to get it. If only people knew that not saying anything is the worst thing. She did exist and she is my daughter and that will never change.

AJCagle82

We had almost two straight weeks of visitors. Everyone just left today. Overall it was good, but we had to deal with my grandmother who has dementia (so many crazy stories with that). I did pretty good, but I lost it on Christmas night. Like others, I'm glad it's over with and a new year will soon begin. I hate this because it is normally my favorite time of year. I was so looking forward to sharing this time with Parker. I was so excited to decorate and celebrate with her. Now I'm just happy I survived it. 

Poisonives

I was at work and my husband had the day off. He texted me because he saw the movie Lilo and Stitch. There's one part about O'Hana. It means family and nobody gets left behind and my husband had a breakdown. Im sorry to hear about your IL's. (Hugs)

weddedwife

So sorry to all the ladies whose babies were not mentioned by family. It's so hard. This is supposed to be such a happy time of year it makes me sad that so many of us dread it and just want to "get through it".

I will say that it does get easier; I did enjoy parts of the holidays and do find many reasons to smile. I just come here to talk about N because you ladies "get it".

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY***

All of your stories brought tears to my eyes - the good and the bad. The holidays are so hard for me still, and while I hate that we're all here, it's nice to not be alone in my feelings.

Christmas was better this year than last year, but I thought about Devon quite a bit. I took some time on Christmas morning to think about him and wish him Merry Christmas privately, and I cried a little bit. I kept imagining that he would be a year old and probably trying to open his own presents, and it broke my heart. We didn't talk about Devon, but my parents put a stocking out for him, and my parents gave me longer hugs than normal. I know they - especially my mom - were thinking about him that day.

kz's_girlygirl

Like some of you, I am glad it's over and we made it through!  We traveled to Dh's Mom's house for dinner x-mas eve and then stayed with my parents for 3 nights.  DH's mom refuses to even acknowledge that I was ever even pregnant in the first place, let alone that our baby died. Luckily we only had to eat dinner there. 

My parents and one of my sisters (the doula!!) -got me a few things in remembrance of Jesse which was really thoughtful- CarlyMarie's calendar, a snow globe with an baby and an angel (which I am returning, even though the thought was really sweet) a little crystal suncatcher, and a really pretty 'Living Locket" from Origami Owl which I love so much.  \

I couldn't really look at the gifts for long when I opened them because I didn't want to get emotional though, but overall I was so relieved that I didn't feel I had to act like nothing had happened. 

My nieces and nephew also helped me get through the day-  their snuggles and excitement made me think of how much I wish Jesse would get to have a Christmas, but also that there is still happiness in my life. 

I hope you are all taking time for yourselves, and that you know I am thinking of you and all of your beautiful babies

shandorfml2

Mine was hard. Particulary xmas eve where I lost it at my inlaws as they were saying goodbye to family friends' three little ones. They should be snuggling Ana. We lost power for 2.5 days due to an ice storm which totally dampened the mood. I went to my parents early so we could have heat, light and company. It ended up ok. My parents got us an ornament for Ana which was nice. Glad its over, and looking forward to a new year.

neptunebljc

I feel bad because my family was great.  They all adored the ornament that I got from the funeral home for Bean. And people asked how we were doing.  I felt sad Christmas eve, but more grirveing for my first miscarrage which I lost on the 18th. And how he\she would have been 2 and having the toddler running around the house.  I also was sad about not being huge, but my mom came my mil called me ALL day since DH was working and it wasnt too bad.

I also was distracted though since I came down with the stomach bug Christmas day and then a sinus infection the next day.  Needless to say I'm still recovering but it wasn't too bad.

irons633

It wasn't bad I cooked for my family and we had some laughs. But I did think about how 1) this would've been EJ's first Christmas and that he would've been 8 months. 2) that I should've been38 weeks and prepping for the arrival of my Olivia. So I can sad I cried some of the day. I am looking forward to New Years and hoping for a better year to come for all of us!! *****also my mom got us an angel to represent Olivia and a butterfly to represent EJ****

kflynn81

I was readmitted for my blood pressure issues on Christmas Day. This whole week is a blur, it doesn't feel like Christmas at all. My parents drove up to Chicago last week to be with DH and I but I only saw my IL's yesterday. Not that Christmas gifts matter but I could totally tell the "baby related" gifts they probably got me were removed it just seemed like I was given a lot of last minute finds. Irritating but whatever. My parents sent us a glider for the nursery as our gift so we came home from the hospital with that on our porch. I kinda want my husband to put it together so I can sit in Jacks room.

neptunebljc

@kflynn81 I would set it up.  We have a chair we bought for Bean's room and its all set up in there. I've tried taking it out for the living room but DH wants it left in there. Its for the 'baby'

Bayberry12

This was my 2nd Christmas since my daughter died, we didn't do anything to celebrate; no tree, no gifts, didn't send out cards, didn't travel to see people. It was really just another day for us.

It's still really hard for me, especially having to deal with family being mad at us for not wanting to go see them and sit around the tree and open gifts. I don't have a problem being with them, but I don't feel like celebrating Christmas, and just acting like nothing happened and everything is ok.