Hurting — The Bump
Secondary IF


So DH's family is here for the holidays... Including our newborn niece. This is tougher than I thought it world be, considering I should be holding our LO right now. Everyone is just full of things to say about my SIL's baby, passing her around, making note of every cute face and noise. :( Before i knew it i was upstairs and holding my sonogram picture sobbing in my closet. DD keeps asking when she will have a baby brother, then the whole family dances around the subject and changes it quickly. It's like they think I'm made of glass, everyone tip toes around it like they can't see the nursery upstairs or the tears that well up in my husbands eyes everytime he picks up his niece. Why is it not okay to talk about MY baby?! It was alive, it's heart did beat!! It was REAL to me!!! :'( why do I have to keep my love for our baby bottled up, because a miscarriage is not fit for conversation?! Fuck that. I feel like, as a mother... & Not just to DD, it's my job to keep the memory alive of all 5 of my angels! If I don't, who will? Those 5 little precious lives DESERVE to be remembered, DON'T THEY?!?! :(

I should be making the finish line my bitch right now and instead im back to square fucking one, with no answers, STILL! I hate this, truly truly fucking hate this. :'(

Re: Hurting

  • I'm so very sorry. Big, huge hugs. I wish there were words I could say to make it better. Talk about all your babies as much as you want here!
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  • I'm sorry. That has to be so difficult to keep it together sometimes.
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  • ((HUGS)) I am so sorry. Last Christmas my niece was two months old and it was very hard for me to be around her. I never understood why everyone thought that I would be ok with seeing her on Thanksgiving and Christmas. My daughter was supposed to be there too. Instead they were extremely weird around me and I had to hold back the tears every time I heard her cry. SIF SUCKS!!!!!!!!

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


    TTC #3 since May 2012

    BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
    BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13

    BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14

    No longer trying to conceive.

    image     image

  • Hugs. I don't think people are trying to pretend your babies didn't exist, I think people are trying to be cautious of your feelings. People typically think these things are too painful to bring up in conversation, especially when you are now faced with having to smile and coo about your newborn niece. That is a lot to deal with. If you think it would be better for you to openly talk about your angels, then you will likely have to take the lead in the conversation, so that other people know this is ok for you. 

    I'm sorry you are having a hard time, love :( 

    Spontaneous pregnancy #1
    DD1 July 31, 2011

    Trying for #2 since Oct 11
    732973 Clomid Cycles
    2 IUIs 
    3 Fresh IVFs= 1 Ectopic treated with MTX
    Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
    Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
    Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
    Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!! 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Hugs, sweetie!!!! I am so sorry! Message me if you need to talk.
    (Former UN: iloveshanej)

    Birdie born 05/01/2007
    Rainbow Surprise Baby due 05/26/2017                                          

    Potato Launcher

  • Thanks everyone, hugs back! I'm so blessed to have y'all <3
  • I'm so sorry you had do have such a hard reminder on what should be a happy day :( hugs
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • (((HUGS))) Lots of hugs to you love. I am so so sorry. xoxo


  • I am so sorry! You have every right to celebrate your babies. You have a right to talk about them and you shouldn't have to feel like you can't. No one has a right to silence your voice or your grief. EVER. It is heartbreaking how loss at any stage is so "taboo" to talk about. It shouldn't be and it makes me angry. I am so sorry you are hurting :-( 
    **~Future Mama to my June "Sprout"~**
    EDD- 06/13/2017
    **Stinkerbelle-8-27-10 * Mr.P's 2nd Mama 7-27-07**
    TTGP's 2013 Sweetest Bumpie <3 

  • So much love coming your way.  {{hugs}}
  • Hugs momma! I agree with mrs c that sometimes people are often just not sure whether or not people want to talk about stuff so they avoid it and depend on you to take the lead. One of my friends who lost a sister a while back made a comment to me that I was the only friend who had continued to check in on him after the initial condolences, and he seemed very hurt by that. People who haven't been there have a tendency to clam up and not know what to do. Please talk about your angels freely here. I know how special and loved they are, and it really sucks to feel as if the rest of the world wants to tiptoe around it or forget about them and move on. 
    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

  • Huge hugs! I'm so sorry :( SIF and mc just plain old stink.

    Two DDs 10/08 and 08/10, no primary IF
    TTC #3 since 10/2011 - dx unexplained/weak ovulation
     3 BFN clomid + TI cycles, 5 BFN clomid/gonal f IUIs, 1 mmc IUI
    2/19/2014 IVF #1 Unexpected low E2 (oversuppressed) -> increased to max doses = 3 or 4 follicles, converting to IUI
    BFFP Saw 1 beautiful heartbeat at 6w6d, follow up u/s at 9w showed mmc. Eff this.
    NTNP 5/2014-9/2014, OPKs and TI 10/2014 - 1/2015. 
    RPL testing all normal, AFC, AMH, and FSH all normal. 
    IVF 1.2 1/22/2014 natural cycle start, AFC 28, 300 gonal f/150menopur. 
    ER 2/3/15 14R 8M 3F w/ICSI Day 5 transfer on 2/8/15 of one "Grade A+" blast and have TWO frosties! 


  • I'm sorry you had to go through this all throughout the holidays. How ridiculously tough. Your 5 babies do deserve to be remembered, it isn't fair.

    Married August 9, 2008
    TTC Since September 2009

    1st   BFP | EDD 10/23/10 | Natural M/C 03/27/10 | 10w 0d
    2nd BFP 06/26/10 | EDD 02/25/11 | Natural  M/C 07/17/10 | 8w 1d
    3rd  BFP 12/17/10 | EDD 08/24/11 | Natural M/C 12/31/10 | 7w 4d
    4th  BFP 06/22/11 | EDD 02/25/12 | M/C D&C on 07/27/11 | 9w4d
    5th  BFP 09/17/11 | DD Paige Lily born 05/16/12
    6th  BFP 08/11/12 | EDD 04/11/13 | CP
    7th  BFP 09/29/13 | EDD 06/04/14 | Natural M/C 10/27/13 | 8w1d
    8th  BFP 12/16/13 | EDD 09/01/14

    DX: Pericentric Inversion of Chromosome 8 & compound heterozygous for MTHFR mutations
    RX: Lovenox/Heparin & Folgard


  • I'm sorry. I totally agree that completely avoiding the topic makes it worse and seem like it never happened.

    I've a had a few moments where I lock myself in a room and cry. I quickly learned that makes me feel worse and very alone. Instead I do something I love that I wouldn't be able to do if we had a newborn like go on a one on one date with DS. It always makes me feel better to get out of the house and enjoy alone time that I otherwise wouldn't have.
  • I really appreciate the kind words ladies, It means so much to me! Sending more hugs out <3

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