Push for Vasectomy?

runnerbikergirl

Hi all - I'm new to the board but was wondering your opinion. We have a wonderful, amazing 3 yo DD. My DH is OAD. He tells me he just feels it "deep in his soul" that we should only have one. I am on the fence but can agree with all of the points he, and others who are OAD, make about time, money, peace in the marriage, etc. He told me he was willing to get a vasectomy but now he is stalling...big time!!! I asked if he was stalling bc he was open to the idea of another child and he said no! He is stalling bc he is an athelete and the recovery will impact his training. Hormonal birth control doesn't agree with me and I just had an IUD removed after 2 yes bc of bleeding. I'm tired of being responsible for our birth control! So - we have been using the withdrawl method, which I know has a 4percent error rate. If your DH was 100 percent OAD, but you were in the fence (but more on the OAD side) would you push for a vasectomy or take your chances with an unplanned pregnancy? He tells me he would be supportive if I got pregnant but he never waivers about really wanting to be OAD. I love our life as it is but sometimes feel like our family is not complete. TTIA!!

Arcadia1114

I wouldn't push for the snip if you're not 100% sure. That being said, it was much easier for dh to get a vasectomy that for me to get my tubes tied. I also had issues on BCP so DH was happy to have his non hormonal wife back. Not having to worry about getting pregnant is a huge relief.

kristennd

DH is officially on board with the vasectomy but also keeps not quite scheduling it. He's afraid of something going wrong. Like long-term damage. But it took him a while to admit that, even to himself.

We're 100% OAD, however, so we're not taking chances in the meantime.

Does your husband have a down time during the calendar year? Where the impact will be least significant? It can just be an issue of a couple days regardless. Plenty of other things will impact his training by the same amount. It's just life.

eyenigh

As long as there are no complications, there is really very little downtime. My husband had his on a Friday and was back to relatively normal activity by Monday (not hardcore training or anything but regular life). I think he was working out, per doctor's orders, within 2 weeks and even that sounds longer than he waited as I think about it now. I would assume he's stalling simply because he is not thrilled or is even scared about the idea of having his balls tampered with, which is understandable. However, if he really doesn't want another child, I'd be a bit uncomfortable with the idea of him "supporting you if you were to get pregnant." If he definitely wants to be done, and feels strongly about it, I think it's one thing to say that that he'd be supportive now but will be a different reality if it were to happen. Again, not to say he wouldn't be supportive but would it end up causing some unhappiness in the marriage because he didn't actually want it? I think he needs to really weigh what's more important: missing a few workouts or the possibility of another child that he's made it clear that he doesn't want. This was pretty much what got my husband to schedule his appointment. For us though, we were both definitely done, he was just procrastinating so he really needed a fire lit under him. Like others have mentioned though, you both really need to be on the same page before making the decision. It's hard though. I don't know how you get to a happy place when one person really wants something this important and the other doesn't.

MrsCodeMonkey

The withdrawal method is not very effective...at least for us (I got pregnant while attempting it). We use condoms for now. DH doesn't want a vasectomy. I get insanely moody on birth control.