I've lurked for a while now, but would like to be more active. I am 36, with year-old twins. When they were three months old, I discovered my husband was on heroin. We've been living apart since. He goes back and forth about being there for the kids, most likely depending on how actively he's using, I think. There's a lot to navigate, but I am handling it.
Hoping this next year is a much better one and thankful for the support and compassion I've read on this board. Happy New Year's, ladies!
OK, I thought I was just being sensitive abt the people on the BMBs. They really are snarky, and provide zero sympathy in the way of single pregnancy issues.
I still lurk around there bc I like hearing from women in the same stage of preg... but honestly reading about the things people get upset about... oh my goodness. You're crying bc your wedding photos didn't turn out the way you wanted? Complain about real problems. Ugh.
OK, I thought I was just being sensitive abt the people on the BMBs. They really are snarky, and provide zero sympathy in the way of single pregnancy issues.
I still lurk around there bc I like hearing from women in the same stage of preg... but honestly reading about the things people get upset about... oh my goodness. You're crying bc your wedding photos didn't turn out the way you wanted? Complain about real problems. Ugh.
I have a love hate with august 13 snark. But weve suffered more then a few bsc posters
I'm glad it's not just me noticing the snark. On my bmb some girl recently posted a question about weight gain and there were immediately two pages of trash talking her.
I'm glad it's not just me noticing the snark. On my bmb some girl recently posted a question about weight gain and there were immediately two pages of trash talking her.
Alright now im curious what bmb your on. Its been my experience on bmb we dont snark unless snark is waranted. Were snarking on someone currently for pissing on people who nicely answered her question on randomly lactating
Hello! I am 28 got pregnant will my little boy when I was 27. BD and I had been together for 2 years, broke up but would hook up after. He ended up moving away and a year later I got a job not too far away. Things started to get more serious and we seemed to be on track to get back together until I found out I was pregnant. Then he suddenly realized he had never loved me...funny how it took a baby to realize that! At first he wanted an abortion but eventually came around. I admit he is an awesome father and very involved. He can be very selfish at times and tends to think of how thinks affect him versus our son more. It's hard though because I had moved away from my family as a temporary situation for work, and now he refuses to let me move back. So I am in the process of finding a lawyer that will help with that.
Hello! I am 28 got pregnant will my little boy when I was 27. BD and I had been together for 2 years, broke up but would hook up after. He ended up moving away and a year later I got a job not too far away. Things started to get more serious and we seemed to be on track to get back together until I found out I was pregnant. Then he suddenly realized he had never loved me...funny how it took a baby to realize that! At first he wanted an abortion but eventually came around. I admit he is an awesome father and very involved. He can be very selfish at times and tends to think of how thinks affect him versus our son more. It's hard though because I had moved away from my family as a temporary situation for work, and now he refuses to let me move back. So I am in the process of finding a lawyer that will help with that.
How far away would you be moving? Im assuming you have joint custody of your lo, or do you have full custody? I can see where you wanting to move away would bother your bd if hes an active parent who loves his child.
From a physical joint custody stand point you moving away can make drop offs a giant pain in the ass, bf has joint custody of his son and his baby momma is always moving so hes always driving long hours to pick up or drop off his son.
From a full custody stand point he could feel like your trying to take his child away from him.
@Roxalot sorry that past couple of days have been hard. LO is going through a growth spurt and I'm BFing constantly. Yes that was a Bears jersey, for what it was worth that day
You in IL? I do, I went to a dock party about 2yrs ago and met someone one the bears team. Cutler? I think... I don't know anyone on the team. But I told him he couldn't be *that* famous because I had never heard of him. I was also really drunk
You in IL? I do, I went to a dock party about 2yrs ago and met someone one the bears team. Cutler? I think... I don't know anyone on the team. But I told him he couldn't be *that* famous because I had never heard of him. I was also really drunk
I am in IL. I'm also a huge football fan. Cutler is the quarterback for the Bears, that's actually pretty cool that you may have met him or some one from the team. The closest I've ever been to meeting a player was seeing Hester at a Bulls game.
Hahaha, the last player on the Bulls that I know anything about is Michael Jordan. HAHA! That pretty much dates me right there. I was in 4th grade I think when everyone was talking about "three-peat" and what-not.
I'm much more into hockey than I am into any other sport.
I'm no spring chicken myself, so no worries. I like hockey too. My XFIL had season tickets to the Chicago Wolves, a minor league team, my XH and I would go to a couple of games every season. I was so excited when the Blackhawk games started to be shown on TV, although I haven't watched a lot of games lately.
I know who the wolves are, lol! I've seen a couple of their games too I haven't seen many hawks games this season, which kills me... But I like to tell everyone that DD was their good luck charm last year for the Stanley Cup.
First of all, I LOVE seeing all of the the pictures of your little ones!
I'm 20 and this will be my first child. I was with BD going on four years. I was completely in love with him and gave him everything I had (including a LOT of money lol.) Things were good for us until my best friend committed suicide and after that my world slowly fell apart.. I wasn't the same fun loving person I had been before and in stead of him trying to help he just went out and got another girlfriend. For the next year & a half he went back and forth between me and this other girl and was probably dating both of us. I cared for him so much that I believed his bullshit lies that things would change and that he would never hurt me again. We talked about getting married, having a family & spending our lives together. Things stayed good between us for awhile after that. We moved out of town and got an apartment. Things slowly took a turn for the worse. We couldn't even stand to be in the same room as eschother. He was miserable and hated me and I hated myself because all I wanted was for him to love me... Somewhere in between the fighting I ended up getting pregnant. BD was really excited, told me everything was going to change and now I was a part of his family. I was so happy.... Until I logged into his Facebook and saw him talking to his ex, and telling her where he could pick her up at. I was devastated but that just proved that NOTHING will ever change him. I broke up with him right then and there and we got into another huge fight. Things got physical he hit me, spit in my face, threw all of my shit in the street, got me on the ground with his hand over my throat telling me "I'm gonna show you crazy" IT WAS TERRIBLE. How can you be such an idiot to put your hands on the woman holding your child. Ironically, two days later he got arrested and thrown in jail for doing the same thing to his sister! While in jail he started dating his ex again. Can I add my 2 cents & just say WHAT A STUPID B****!! Your relationship started in jail and he was there for assaulting his sister? Haha whatever she can figure that one out for herself, I honestly pity her because he is such a lying, manipulative bastard. Sad thing is, she knows it!! Now I have absolutely zero contact with BD and told him last time we spoke that if he ever wanted to see his child he better get a damn good lawyer. He'll probably be a dead beat anyway, which i hate to say because I want nothing more than my baby to have a family. I feel so guilty that I can't give him/her a mom and a dad together. They say everything happens for a reason .....
Good riddance to that piece of shit! He's not a man if he's abusive to women! Welcome to the board!
This. All of this. No man who lays hands on a woman is a real man. Hes a little bitch.
Its sounds like youve been through a lot since your friend commited suicide and then adding the toxic relationship and domestic violence into things. I would suggest talking to a therapist or a counciler(sp?).
I swear im not trying to be mean saying that, but it can be very theraputic to talk about these things that youve been through.
Welcome to the board youll find an awesome support system here.
welcome @Koribratt! You definitely deserve better. I second seeing a counselor. I have been seeing one since the beginning and it is very helpful to have a non-biased person to talk to. Everything does happen for a reason, the reason just isn't always clear at first. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
I was dating him and he tried to force me into getting an abortion. when it didn't work, we broke up. he hasn't been around for anything. not a single doctor's appointment or anything. He eventually started dating a girl who won't "allow" him to see his child either or be in her life. (according to him)
I have been meaning to intro myself for a while. I have an 11 month old son who is my whole world. His dad (my ex bf) tried to make it work you much fighting and him treating me like crap. I'm a nurse and just moved into my own house. His dad and I rarely see eye to eye on anything. BD has had some drug issue in the past an was in jail for the first couple months of my pregnancy. He is ex military. He was injured in combat and is now on disability for it and for the PTSD. We are currently trying to be friends and get along for the sake of our son but it is so hard sometimes.
That link opens up a page that does not exist (according to my phone), BUT I recognize the blog and I have read your story before. I still can't believe it! That is so crazy!
Wow! I'm not a SM anymore, but I'm glad to see things have changed on this board since I was. When I was pregnant with my first little man I was honest (too honest, evidently) and got flamed HARD for it. I was recently divorced, hooked up with a friend of a friend, and got pregnant. It sucks, it happens. He turned out to be a huge douche so I gave him the option of being involved, and he didn't want to be. I walked away and never looked back. When I told my story I was ridiculed for having unprotected sex, not involving BD, and even for what I named my son. I'm glad to see even though it can get snarky around here, you all aren't a bunch of total bitches. Lol
I think only one or two maybe three of our regs have activley involved bd/xh in the childrens life. Most of our current regs are better off that the bd is gone
I met XH when I was 22 and just starting grad school. We married 2 years later in 2006. He often made "jokes" that were degrading and not funny. It got old pretty fast and I worked a lot so we didn't spend a ton of time together. He would get physical sometimes when he didn't get his way.
I got pregnant with DD in 2010 (planned). I was also finishing up my PhD at this point which lead to a lot if jealousy from X. He had a hard time to hold a job and was often depressed. He took it all out on me.
DD was born in May 2011 the day before I was set to defend my thesis. Defense got pushed back 6 weeks as a result. My plan was to stay at home for a few months. I was not going to continue on a typical track like most of my grad school friends which made X very angry.
I think he resented DD because she took up a lot of my time and was a pretty demanding baby. He could not accept the lifestyle change of focusing on someone other than him. The verbal abuse got pretty bad during this time.
My 30th birthday (and DD's 1st) party was the tipping point. We met our new neighbors and X spent the entire night telling them how lazy/worthless/stupid I was. I was back working at that point. He was just being an ass. I was very upset ( and a bit drunk) and sat in my backyard sobbing for 30 mins. My best friend was there and we had a long talk. X went to bed without saying anything and DD had been asleep for hours. BF and I decided to walk about a mile to the closest bar because fukk him.
Well he found out the next day and unleashed a spew of physical/verbal and sexual abuse. He started telling DD how lazy/ worthless I was.
The night I called it quits was about 6 months later. DD was sick and did not want to sleep in her bed. I put her in out bed but she tossed and turned and coughed ect. DH went ballistic. Called her a spoiled effing b1tch, wished he never had her and went to sleep in the guest room. I packed some stuff, took my baby and left. Spent a week with a friend and moved out in March of last year. Best thing I ever did.
Found out later he had been cheating on me for a while. I refuse to be alone with him in my apt.
But when I moved out I met the sweetest, kindest man on the planet. We have been dating for a year and he has been a better dad to DD in the last year than X has been in the last 3.
Re: whats everyones story?
From a physical joint custody stand point you moving away can make drop offs a giant pain in the ass, bf has joint custody of his son and his baby momma is always moving so hes always driving long hours to pick up or drop off his son.
From a full custody stand point he could feel like your trying to take his child away from him.
Just food for thought
I'm 20 and this will be my first child. I was with BD going on four years. I was completely in love with him and gave him everything I had (including a LOT of money lol.) Things were good for us until my best friend committed suicide and after that my world slowly fell apart.. I wasn't the same fun loving person I had been before and in stead of him trying to help he just went out and got another girlfriend. For the next year & a half he went back and forth between me and this other girl and was probably dating both of us. I cared for him so much that I believed his bullshit lies that things would change and that he would never hurt me again. We talked about getting married, having a family & spending our lives together. Things stayed good between us for awhile after that. We moved out of town and got an apartment. Things slowly took a turn for the worse. We couldn't even stand to be in the same room as eschother. He was miserable and hated me and I hated myself because all I wanted was for him to love me... Somewhere in between the fighting I ended up getting pregnant. BD was really excited, told me everything was going to change and now I was a part of his family. I was so happy.... Until I logged into his Facebook and saw him talking to his ex, and telling her where he could pick her up at. I was devastated but that just proved that NOTHING will ever change him. I broke up with him right then and there and we got into another huge fight. Things got physical he hit me, spit in my face, threw all of my shit in the street, got me on the ground with his hand over my throat telling me "I'm gonna show you crazy" IT WAS TERRIBLE. How can you be such an idiot to put your hands on the woman holding your child. Ironically, two days later he got arrested and thrown in jail for doing the same thing to his sister! While in jail he started dating his ex again. Can I add my 2 cents & just say WHAT A STUPID B****!! Your relationship started in jail and he was there for assaulting his sister? Haha whatever she can figure that one out for herself, I honestly pity her because he is such a lying, manipulative bastard. Sad thing is, she knows it!! Now I have absolutely zero contact with BD and told him last time we spoke that if he ever wanted to see his child he better get a damn good lawyer. He'll probably be a dead beat anyway, which i hate to say because I want nothing more than my baby to have a family. I feel so guilty that I can't give him/her a mom and a dad together. They say everything happens for a reason .....
Its sounds like youve been through a lot since your friend commited suicide and then adding the toxic relationship and domestic violence into things. I would suggest talking to a therapist or a counciler(sp?).
I swear im not trying to be mean saying that, but it can be very theraputic to talk about these things that youve been through.
Welcome to the board youll find an awesome support system here.
How many of these drive by posters are still dirty lurking. Say hi if your a dirty lurker
One of the reasons why people need to talk about sexual abuse more is because of the hidden victims like you and your family.
How are you doing?
Im sorry that you had a bad experience before. I find it odd that they flammed you for not involving your bd if it was his choice not to be involved.
Anyways, tell us about yourself
I got pregnant with DD in 2010 (planned). I was also finishing up my PhD at this point which lead to a lot if jealousy from X. He had a hard time to hold a job and was often depressed. He took it all out on me.
DD was born in May 2011 the day before I was set to defend my thesis. Defense got pushed back 6 weeks as a result. My plan was to stay at home for a few months. I was not going to continue on a typical track like most of my grad school friends which made X very angry.
I think he resented DD because she took up a lot of my time and was a pretty demanding baby. He could not accept the lifestyle change of focusing on someone other than him. The verbal abuse got pretty bad during this time.
My 30th birthday (and DD's 1st) party was the tipping point. We met our new neighbors and X spent the entire night telling them how lazy/worthless/stupid I was. I was back working at that point. He was just being an ass. I was very upset ( and a bit drunk) and sat in my backyard sobbing for 30 mins. My best friend was there and we had a long talk. X went to bed without saying anything and DD had been asleep for hours. BF and I decided to walk about a mile to the closest bar because fukk him.
Well he found out the next day and unleashed a spew of physical/verbal and sexual abuse. He started telling DD how lazy/ worthless I was.
The night I called it quits was about 6 months later. DD was sick and did not want to sleep in her bed. I put her in out bed but she tossed and turned and coughed ect. DH went ballistic. Called her a spoiled effing b1tch, wished he never had her and went to sleep in the guest room. I packed some stuff, took my baby and left. Spent a week with a friend and moved out in March of last year. Best thing I ever did.
Found out later he had been cheating on me for a while. I refuse to be alone with him in my apt.
But when I moved out I met the sweetest, kindest man on the planet. We have been dating for a year and he has been a better dad to DD in the last year than X has been in the last 3.
Now if only X would effing pay child support.....