NWMR - Family Holidrama... Need to vent badly...

mae0111

We are hosting Christmas dinner at our house for both families this year. Typically my mom does heavy appetizers on Christmas Eve, but she didn't mention anything. So I figured siblings were doing their own thing to prepare, and mentioned to my parents that they could come over for something casual Christmas Eve, so they wouldn't be alone.

Turns out my sister is having a party with family and friends, and didn't invite me. I saw her tonight. She still didn't mention it. First I thought it was just my parents going over for a small dinner, but later I found out that there will be 15-20 people there.

I've been crying pretty much ever since. I called my mom to find out why I wasn't invited, because I have a bit of a history with this sister and thought it best to go through my mom.

So now, of course, I've been invited. Oops, sorry, just an oversight. I'm not going.

I was seriously so excited for Christmas this year. New house, DD1 "gets" Santa, the whole family together. I'm so over it now. I seriously just want to stay in bed. DH is angrier than I've ever seen him. It's going to be a tough day on Wednesday...

jess9802

I'm so sorry.

We host Christmas breakfast every year for my family, and the year I was pregnant with DS my brother and his then-fiancee decided that our 9 AM breakfast time was "too early." My mom knew they'd been up watching movies until 3 AM, so she and I both ended up crying in the kitchen. DH was pissed, my poor stepson was bewildered...and then at 10 AM bro and his wife arrive at our house just as the rest of us were finishing breakfast. My mom was happy and I was so livid I could barely look at them. The Cold War continued a week later at their wedding, when DH and I were included in one family portrait. (I think she was pissed at me in part b/c a few weeks earlier I bailed on her bachelorette party at the last minute due to morning sickness.)

Anyway, try not to let one sibling ruin the holiday for your DH's family, as well as your DD's, even though I know it's easier said than done. It sounds like you're hosting a lot of people, so just make time for everyone else who no doubt love you, DH, and your DD very much.

82Sonia

Why don't you speak to your sister directly? You said you have "a bit of history" so the lack of invitation clearly wasn't an oversight.  Maybe this could be a good opportunity to resolve whatever problems you have.   

Ago

My dad and our immediate family has been ousted from celebrating with his brothers and their families for several years now.  I do miss those big get togethers, but when we were feeling left out when this first started happening, we developed our own traditions and honestly, I think about the bad memories of those get togethers - they were really loud, my cousins were spoiled brats, and at times, HUGE arguments would errupt.  No thanks.  I'm sorry that you are dealing with this and that you are feeling so down about the holidays.  Keep some traditions that you enjoy, relax, and make it your own!

MamaAllison

I'm sorry, that sucks.

On the bright side can you spend more time with your immediate family?? I'm personally wishing we had less people to visit on Christmas since we are in a new house as well and my DD1 is getting the whole Santa Thing for the first time as well. My Christmas Eve tradition is to open a book and pjs for each child and then change the kiddos into their pjs and read the book - maybe you could do the same and it might be a happy distraction??

jess9802

@ClaryPax - Your mileage may vary, but I think showing up late for hosted events is rude. It's especially inconsiderate when your hosts have other obligations (as we did that day) and can't sit around waiting for you to decide to get out of a bed and come over for the one holiday get-together you'll have with that particular side of the family. It was not at all clear that my brother and his FI were coming at all for breakfast - my mom was fairly certain that they were skipping it altogether, and that's what prompted the tears.

financialdiva

I understand you were hurt but who were the other ppl she invited? Your siblings? Did she think you already had plans? Did she invite your parents only bc she didn't want them to be alone?

I don't know the whole story, but maybe she didn't leave you out to be mean. I hope you enjoy your Christmas anyway.

mae0111

financialdiva said:

I understand you were hurt but who were the other ppl she invited? Your siblings? Did she think you already had plans? Did she invite your parents only bc she didn't want them to be alone?

I don't know the whole story, but maybe she didn't leave you out to be mean. I hope you enjoy your Christmas anyway.

She invited my parents, our other sibling, and some friends. Total of 15-20 people. She did think I had other plans. Before I knew about the party, she asked me what we were doing. I said nothing, that my inlaws weren't coming until Christmas Day. Nothing. I found out later about the gathering, and called my mom to find out what was going on. Against my request, she called my sister and screamed at her, which got me invited. I thanked her, and declined.

So now she and her family are refusing to come to Christmas at my house, and she's not taking my calls. And our parents are pissed.

Merry f'ing Christmas.

financialdiva

:-( I'm sorry this all happened. Big hugs to you.

mae0111

@ClaryPax - I wasn't looking for an invitation. I was hurt that she didn't think to invite me in the first place. I don't have to be invited to everything, but for God's sake, it's Christmas Eve.

This is how it felt: she planned a party and didn't invite us. She then confirmed that we had no plans while we were sitting next to each other, and she didn't invite us. My mom called her, and suddenly she was soooo sorry that it "didn't occur" to her to invite us, but we were welcome to come by.

Now, would you jump at that invitation? Because it just didn't seem full of the Christmas spirit to me. I would have felt uncomfortable and awkward the whole time, like the only reason I got an invitation was because she was told she had to include me.

I do appreciate the different points of view. As I said, we do have a history, so I may be hypersensitive to situations like this.

RondackHiker

Why didn't you call your sister rather than go through your mom?