what ?s did you have for prospective e-moms?

bumpuser794640

We have our first meeting with an e-mom on Jan 7, and I'm trying to cone up with a list of questions to have in mind so we won't feel as awkward. Do any of you have suggestions of things to ask (or not), things you wish you'd asked, etc.?

MrsMuenich

What kind of music she likes! Or books, movies, tv shows, etc.

bumpuser794640

Pinkie78 said:

I'd ask about her hobbys, how she is feeling. Early on you will get a sense of how much she wants to share about the pregnancy. If she wants to talk a lot about the pregnancy, then ask more questions about when she will have appointments, etc.

Our son's BM really wanted to talk about the baby so we shifted things that way, it's great to have a list but be prepared to shift topics.

Did she pick you???

She is choosing to meet us, but I'm not sure if/how many other families she may be meeting with. I hope we match with her, though!

MagickalNarwhal

The only questions we had on our list were about family holiday traditions and favorite music. Both questions went over like lead balloons...soooo awkward! It was obvious they were scripted questions. Letting things come up organically went much better for us. But, I guess it was awkward no matter what!

justjinny

We didn't really have a list of questions, but I guess I was prepared with ideas of small-talk type topics to talk about.  Our first meeting was sort of like going on a really awkward double date with someone you had just met at work or through a friend of a friend or something. 

I think we talked about where everyone grew up, how long they had lived where they do now, what sports they follow & if they had a favorite team.  It was right after labor day weekend, so we all talked about what we did with our extra day off and that helped lead into talking about hobbies.

I suppose you could look up ideas for conversation starters to keep in mind? You might want to ask the agency if there's anything you should specifically avoid talking about that the BM might feel uncomfortable about.

CarolinaGirl2014

When I met with the PAP's, I had a long list of questions written out for them. They wanted me to start with my questions (as actually being a match depended on how they answered those questions for me). From there, we sort of fell into normal "first date" talk about everyone's childhood, where they've lived, hobbies, etc. We found topics we connected on (for us it was our holistic/ "crunchy" approach to life) and had fun conversation. So I'd suggest having more of a guideline of anything that may be important to you before accepting a match, but focusing on just getting to know her and clicking over even the weirdest thing you may have in common. As an EMom, it was nice to not have "scripted" questions but to really get to know them and envision them raising my baby.

Also, I loved their honesty. I know they were nervous, but when I asked my questions about religion, parenting ideals, etc they were 100% genuine and it didn't matter to me if what they said was the exact answer I was looking for. I saw their hearts and that was what I needed.

They did ask a couple questions about how I would raise her myself in regards to her ethnicity. She is biracial, and they initially had some fears about being able to give her everything she needs to never feel like her race was a negative thing. After we were matched, we've developed a relationship where they've asked me questions about myself and more about why I chose adoption.

I hope a perspective from the other side helps. If you have any questions I may be able to help with, feel free to PM me. It has been a life saver getting the perspective you PAP's and AP's have given me. Can't wait to see how the meeting goes!

maryoosa

Our conversation was pretty organic---
We let our son's birth parent (then expectant parent) take the lead and she'd ask us questions and then we'd ask similar questions back.
Our only two questions that weren't like that were about the birth father and about why she was choosing to explore adoption.

plus12012

We didn't have a list of questions. We tried to approach the situation just like you would talking to anyone you know is pregnant. How they've been feeling, if she knows if she's having a boy or girl etc. We also just talked about her interests, family, favorite things. I also brought a bunch of pictures of our families and close friends. Showing her the pictures and talking about the people close to us gave her a good sense of who we are and when our initial conversations seemed to be coming to a lull it was a great way to keep the conversation flowing without having to reach for things to say.