2 under 2?! What's it like?

LeoLauren

Not sure what I was thinking... Maybe it was the fact that my amh is almost zero and I'm almost at the age borderline where success rates started going down but I think ivf #3 worked which means that I will have 2 babies under 2. Omg - when I think about it, I'm starting to get scared at the amount of work but mostly I'm afraid that I'll be short changing my son of our attention... How do you moms with 2 under 2 do it? Any advice? How do you manage? Any guilt?

Ruthie04

I have 14 month old twins, so it's a bit different. But, the best piece of advice anyone gave me was to always say yes to help if it is offered. People are always going out of their way to open doors for me, grab my bag...Just today, we were at a play group and both boys were screaming and clawing at me to pick them up. Another mom ran upstairs to rummage through my diaper bag for my sippy cups. Last week, the dentist locked my car and carried my diaper bag into the office for me so I could hold both of their hands. Every little bit of help is a big deal. 

The biggest issue for me is being out and about. I have to plan for trips based on what locations can fit my stroller. With the holidays, many retailers are out of the question unless I ERGO one and do the single, as they've crammed their shelves and we can no longer fit into the aisles of some stores. If I don't use a stroller, I have to make sure that there's a plan in place to get them both buckled into car seats, while keeping one from running into the street. That's the biggest thing- you have to plan ahead for everything! 

It's definitely difficult to do 2u2, but it has so many benefits. They constantly give each other hugs and kisses. So adorable!! GL!

Robeano

This is a fantastic thread.. I will be following.

Eve_Angelique

My SIL had this and she ended up having 2 girls, and they are such good buddies. It was extra stressful right away with two "babies" needing attention and such, but as they got more and more independent it became more easy to deal with. 

IBackBevo

Idk, but the situation you described (even undetectable amh) was me exactly. My sons will be 20 months apart. Too late to turn back now. I don't know how I am going to cope exactly, but I think we may get an au pair ir live in nanny.

I guess better to have not enough hands than empty arms?

laura1

My older 2 are 15 months apart.  For me, going from 0-1 and then from 2-3 was much harder than going from 1-2, even when they were so close in age.  The pros of 2u2 are that #1 is still kind of a baby - you haven't gotten away from watching their every move, changing diapers, and bottles/nursing wasn't all that long ago.  Having another newborn isn't that much of a shock because you just did it!  And #1 will still nap when #2 is born - if you can coordinate the naps, that can even allow you to nap or just get things done..  I didn't realize how huge that was until we had #3 and #1 wasn't napping any longer.  There is just no down time.  And finally, my DS and DD#1 are BFFs.  Of course they fight, but whenever we go anywhere, they stick together like glue, and always refer to each other as their best friend (so cute).  

The cons - they are both babies.  They both require lots of attention, and #1 isn't old enough to do anything on his/her own so you have no "helper."  Again, I didn't realize how great that was until we had DD#2 and both DS and DD#1 could run around and get me a new diaper, wipes, pacifier, etc.  There were many, many, many times that both would be crying and you have to decide who to help first.  I was told to help the toddler first if the newborn could wait, since the toddler would remember and could become upset by having to always wait.  I also would make a big show of helping DS before DD if they were both crying.  I would say "DD, it is DS's turn now.  When I am done, I will help you to" - even though DD was an infant and had no idea what I was saying - it was all for DS!.  But there were times that DD had to go first, so I would give DS the same story - and he was very good about it.  

As they get older, they have built in playmate.  We could do lots of sibling classes, and they are almost always in the same class - they did soccer together, My gym, music etc.  I am finding it harder to do activities with DD#2 since we are always so busy with the other 2's activities!  

Anyways, that is a long and drawn out answer, but it is totally manageable.  Definitely get some sort of baby carrier (Ergo, ring sling, moby, bjorn, whatever) - that way you can wear the baby and then chase the toddler around.  That has been the best way to keep everyone happy for me.  A bonus is if you bf and you learn to nurse with the baby in one of those (we did the ring sling).  It was a life saver - we could be out doing things and if the baby needed to eat, I didn't have to interrupt the older 2 - I just covered up, latched her on, and off we went!  

GL and congrats!!

LeoLauren

@cinciem @laura1 how do you spend quality time with your older one without neglecting a brand new baby? Who helped you guys in the beginning? I know that since I have siblings it's a gift but since my son is only 7.5 months now, I can't picture taking a minute away from him. I guess it will be different when he's 17 months although I also can't picture running around after him massively preg.

mcgeeva

My brother and I are 11 months apart. My mom said it was a little tough in the begining but sooooo worth it. She just had my brother out of bottles when I came and he was already walking at 11 months. We were the best of friends growing up. I will have a child turing two when the baby comes if I make it full term and that freaks me out. But everyone that has kids close that I know says it's been tough but well worth it.

itsmevkb

I gave up on guilt a long time ago, I just don't have the energy for it anymore.  Ha!

My first three were all about two and a half years apart and I'm not going to lie, I liked that better than the 16 months that are in between my third and fourth.

Having two kids is work no matter what the difference in age and again, no matter what the difference in age, every mom pregnant with her second wonders how am I ever going to be able to give my first as much attention as I do now.  Simple answer, you aren't.  But, the more complex answer is that while your first will lose some of your individual attention they are gaining a sibling, a companion, someone to pay attention to them, to look up to them.  I also try and see it as they are gaining a bigger family unit which only expands the love.  Additionally, a child learning to play independently, learning that sometimes they have to wait, learning to share not just things but time, can be good life long lessons.  And, it's not that only children can't learn those things, of course they do, it's just that kids with siblings and especially those very close in age are forced into maybe quicker and sooner than an only child might be.

My husband and I often use a divide and conquer strategy to get more one on one, or two on two time with the kids.  So, he'll stay home with Sully and Maren and I'll take Shannon and Quinn out somewhere and then the next weekend we'll switch it up.  Even if it's a simple trip to Target the kids have fun and it's time with just mom or dad without everyone being there.

The biggest thing to remember in the beginning is that it won't always be like that - meaning the newborn phase.  When you have a newborn and a small toddler you are just in survival mode so you do what you gotta do and wait it out until your baby gets on a schedule and then you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel and can find your new way.  It all works out.

Saraevh

Well, it must not have been too bad because I've done it twice now!  

My first and second are 15mo apart and my second and third are 18mo apart.  I also have a very low AMH for my age and trying for the family I've always wanted was more important to me than the space between my kids.  Soooo, we've had three in three calendar years  And I feel BLESSED and happy that our family is now complete!  

It's tough at first.  A few people have already said what I would say, but basically the first couple of months you will just be in survival mode - lots of TV babysitting and not getting out, you won't be able to give as much attention to your older LO, etc but it gets better!  In the beginning, you just do what you have to do to get by.  

Then once the baby is in a routine things will fall into place and you'll be able to resume life per usual.  I'm also going to echo investing in a great baby carrier if you don't already have one.  Having two hands available to wrangle your toddler is a must when out in public!  I'm a SAHM and the carrier allowed me to get out as much as we were able to before the baby was born.  My kids are way more naughty when we are stuck at home all day, so this was a lifesaver.  We just had our third two weeks ago and I can't wait to be able to get out again.   

The times it majorly sucks is when everyone is sick.  Right now I am dealing with two very sick toddlers, my husband and I feel like we're coming down with it, we have a 2 week old and I'm trying to recover from a c-section.  For me, when everyone is sick it is the worst.  Otherwise it's really not that bad!  I promise       

queenbone

I'm not a 2u2 mom, but in hindsight I think there is no 'perfect age' to add another. I'm up to my eyeballs in fecal matter. Fo whatever reason DS2's bowels move whenever I sit down to nurse. In comparison potty training an only child was SO easy. I spaced them out to some degree in the hopes that the potty training would be done, but I think it would be difficult anyway because you are always going to have something going on with the other child.

This is my long winded way of saying, don't worry, you'll manage and do great.

laura1

To answer your questions - 1) just remember that brand new babies really only do a few things, and one of those is to sleep for like 22 hours a day!  DD#1 would sleep in her bouncy seat while I played with DS on the floor.  Or she would sleep in the car seat/stroller while DS had his Little Gym class.  Or she would sleep in the baby bjorn while we went to music class.  We still had tons of quality time with each of them.  DD's usually came after DS went to bed, or was napping, however!  2) My mom came to stay for a few days at the beginning, and DH was home for a week, but by the time DD#1 was 2 weeks old, I was on my own.  And while everyone has said you can't expect to go out much, I was actually the opposite!  We had to do something every day to save my and DS's sanity.  Thankfully DD#1 was born in May, so we would go for walks to the playground, play outside, or sometimes just go for a ride in the car.  Anything for a change of scenery.  I had DS and DD at Target and DS's Little Gym class when she was only about 15 days old.  DD#2 was trickier - she was born in December and I was afraid of the germs, but still, I had her at the kids pre-school Christmas show when she was 2.5 weeks old (in the baby bjorn), and she was at Target with me when she was only a week old.  Like I said, babywearing was a lifesaver, so I could keep going out - and learning to nurse on the go was even more so!

As for being pg with a mobile toddler, that was a bit rough.  I was exhausted at the end both times.  I actually remember after DD#1 was born feeling like taking care of a newborn +toddler was easier than being pg with a toddler.  That was not the same with #3 (I was totally outnumbered, and my 2 were older when she was born).  

Anyway, good luck, and I am sure you will do great!  

boymomstrong

I am in your boat girl! We could be 2u2 or 2u3 depending in when this babe gets here, its just going to be an exciting journey!

Mayzie15

IBackBevo said:

Idk, but the situation you described (even undetectable amh) was me exactly. My sons will be 20 months apart. Too late to turn back now. I don't know how I am going to cope exactly, but I think we may get an au pair ir live in nanny.

I guess better to have not enough hands than empty arms?

I love this quote and it definitely puts things in perspective