Facebook

nurrieum

Maybe this has been discussed to death but since I've been out of the loop for a while I missed it. 

How many step moms have BM or BM's family on facebook? (or variations of that depending on how you're blended). 

BM kinda made it a deal when DH and I got married and made a fuss that I hadn't added her, so I did. That hasn't always been the best

but I've never deleted her for fear of causing another issue. I haven't added any of her family though, even ones I know causally and am on

friendly terms with. I feel like that would be weird so I don't go there. 

katie_cj

I have my exMIL, exSIL, and a few extended family members of my exFI. We were close and I never deleted them, I still correspond with them on occasion.

I did delete and block my ex when it was clear that FB communication was not in our best interest. I have never added any of his girlfriend's or his daughter's mother. I don't have any desire to.

mccall0113

I am friends w BM 1. Def not #2. Two totally different mentalities. Can you guess which child is more grounded? Can't fix crazy

CurlyQ284

I am friends with BM and her mom. Her mom even added me as family. She's nice, we have stayed at her house when visiting the girls and she stayed here once when they were visiting family in our state.

DH is friends with both of them and BMs sister. Ive never met the sister. I think he may have aunts and uncles but I'm not sure.

mrslucid

I'm not friends with BM on facebook, I don't even think she has a facebook page.  I know DH is facebook friends with her dad and sister.

cole2144

I have BM blocked and I would not allow her access if she asked. DH has her blocked as well, they do not have a good co-parenting relationship.

dmndsr4eva

Oh the joys of facebook.  I do not have FI's ex as my friend.  When I broke up with BD half of his family deleted me.  I am still friends with a few of them but as the years pass I realize it probably would have been wise to just delete all of them when we broke up. 

fellesferie

I'm FB friends with xMIL and xSILs. It has it's pros and cons, but overall I think it's worked out fine. It's possible I would accept a FB friends request from XH... I don't really know. 

+just+j+

I have no desire to be friends with anyone connected to XH. If you have a great relationship with your ex that you can do that - great. I think its unnecessary. I make no apologies for it.

+just+j+

XH and anyone i see any potential problems with are all blocked. Including his girlfriends children. I am trying to eliminate his drama.

ReeseFox

Bliz1712 said:

BM friend requested me and I figured if I didn't accept it would cause more problems then if I just did.  I used to block her from seeing all my photos and such, but now have become more laxed as our overall relationship has gotten better.  I'm also friends with her FI, but that was an accident.  H is friends with BM.  And the reason I blocked her pictures was because after our wedding, H posted pictures.  BM tagged herself in the photos and added descriptions of all the photos.

That is crazy. But I'm curious, what kinds of things did she say?

twister22

Sigh. I have a very extensive block list. All of BD's family is on the block list, as his BD's now XGF/BM2 and her family. That whole group was a strange brand of crazy.

If you don't really want to be friends with BM yet don't want to block her, then why don't you limit your settings? Make newer albums have the settings that friends except BM can see. Same thing with statuses. FB allows you to limit your audience like that.

MommyEllenSue

BM and all of her family/friends are blocked. I have to deal with enough of her drama for the kids sake on a daily basis. I sure don't need FB drama added to the list.

nurrieum

Bliz1712 said:

BM friend requested me and I figured if I didn't accept it would cause more problems then if I just did.  I used to block her from seeing all my photos and such, but now have become more laxed as our overall relationship has gotten better.  I'm also friends with her FI, but that was an accident.  H is friends with BM.  And the reason I blocked her pictures was because after our wedding, H posted pictures.  BM tagged herself in the photos and added descriptions of all the photos.

That's bogus. I would've blocked her too, that's creepy!

twister22 said:

Sigh. I have a very extensive block list. All of BD's family is on the block list, as his BD's now XGF/BM2 and her family. That whole group was a strange brand of crazy.

If you don't really want to be friends with BM yet don't want to block her, then why don't you limit your settings? Make newer albums have the settings that friends except BM can see. Same thing with statuses. FB allows you to limit your audience like that.

I don't really have issues with her, the stuff she caused drama on I was able to diffuse so I haven't needed to take the time for that. I've debated adding her one sister that we get along with but don't because I don't want to boundary cross. I only considered it because she could see pics of SS but I question whether that would be more about me showing off so that's another reason I haven't. Thanks for the tip if I need to do so I will!

coopsbaby

I stayed fb friends for a while with exh, mostly so I could see if he posted anything inappropriate and I need to have the kids block him, but he's been good about things like that. He did, however start crap about dh every time we did something fun with the kids so I had to block him. I unblocked him after dd1 graduated high school so he could see photos. His gf is blocked on my, dh's and all kids fb and will remain so always since she's nuts.

I didn't unfriend any of exh's family after the divorce except hid idiot brother who was snooping on my fb and tagging exFIL in all photos of dh for some reason, so he is blocked and I changed my settings so people can't tag my photos without permission. 

I am still fb friends with exSIL and another exBIL, but they are on restricted lists, and ex-aunts and uncles have full access since they are completely sane and think exH is an ass for ignoring his kids and being a big old cheater. I like them. I also have a few of exH's cousins. 

bebe11

I am FB friends with BM1, and my ExSIL.  I recently deleted my exMIL only because of issues with my ex and I didn't want her to know what is going on in my life (not that I post much anyway) and I know that my ExSIL doesn't like my exhusband (she is married to ex's brother).

On the other hand, both of my Husband's ex's (BM1 & BM2) and FB friends with all his family.

allgood921

When DH took BM to court for custody a lot of FB posts were used against him (for example he'd have a country song lyric posted about drinking a beer, she submitted those as 'evidence' that he was an alcoholic).  As soon as she was served papers she had me and DH blocked as well as her DH blocked us.  It's been over a year since then, we've all made peace and have become friends.  They both still have us blocked.  It's irked me in some ways because it's like "Ok, I thought we were past this 'hiding everything' nonsense" but apparently not.  Maybe one day I'll ask her about it.  For now, I'm just keeping the peace :]

Ilumine

nurrieum said:

Maybe this has been discussed to death but since I've been out of the loop for a while I missed it. 

How many step moms have BM or BM's family on facebook? (or variations of that depending on how you're blended). 

BM kinda made it a deal when DH and I got married and made a fuss that I hadn't added her, so I did. That hasn't always been the best

but I've never deleted her for fear of causing another issue. I haven't added any of her family though, even ones I know causally and am on

friendly terms with. I feel like that would be weird so I don't go there. 

You actually let some other person dictate to you?  And you don't think by doing so, you created a very early precedent with this woman?  She tells you to do something/throws a temper tantrum and you do it?  

cole2144

Ilumine said:

nurrieum said:

Maybe this has been discussed to death but since I've been out of the loop for a while I missed it. 

How many step moms have BM or BM's family on facebook? (or variations of that depending on how you're blended). 

BM kinda made it a deal when DH and I got married and made a fuss that I hadn't added her, so I did. That hasn't always been the best

but I've never deleted her for fear of causing another issue. I haven't added any of her family though, even ones I know causally and am on

friendly terms with. I feel like that would be weird so I don't go there. 

You actually let some other person dictate to you?  And you don't think by doing so, you created a very early precedent with this woman?  She tells you to do something/throws a temper tantrum and you do it?  

You have a right to keep details of your life private from his ex. She has no right to demand something like this. I would have said absolutely not.

Ginlyn0

I'm not friends with BD or SM  or any of his family (they are all blocked- BD doesn't have FB but I blocked his email in case he ever made one) and I have BM and SF and their family blocked as well.

I am FB friends with my dad's first 2 wives who are the BMs of my oldest sister and then my brother. These women were never my SM since I'm the baby of the family but I see them often enough so I guess that is sort of ironic LOL. My dad is not friends with either.

nurrieum

You actually let some other person dictate to you?  And you don't think by doing so, you created a very early precedent with this woman?  She tells you to do something/throws a temper tantrum and you do it?  

Lets see, I was 20 years old and terrified of causing a stir, I was brand new to this situation. Perhaps I did, personally I seriously doubt the Facebook issue had much do with the precedents set at that time, it worked in our favor in the end. You do the best you can and hindsight is 20/20, However despite being brand new to a blended family, I wasn't brand new to her, I went to high school with this women, have known her since before SS was born. At the time we began this journey I had hoped because we had run in the same circles, we could keep it good. For the most part, we do. It's a tricky slope we're still navigating. So again, I doubt that any established precedent had to do with that.

Mkherren12

Sm is blocked. Xh unfriended me a long time ago. I used to be friends with sm's sisters and mother but unfriended them awhile back. I am still friends with xh's extended family. They are all super nice and I was close with a lot of them. Shoot xh's aunts and xh's mom came to my wedding to Dh! Lol

Hollyhelton

cole2144 said:

I have BM blocked and I would not allow her access if she asked. DH has her blocked as well, they do not have a good co-parenting relationship.

This but BM uses other peoples fb profiles to look at our stuff. Grrrrrr

coopsbaby

Hollyhelton said:

I have BM blocked and I would not allow her access if she asked. DH has her blocked as well, they do not have a good co-parenting relationship.

This but BM uses other peoples fb profiles to look at our stuff. Grrrrrr

Lock down your settings. Nothing is public on mine unless we are friends, so exh can't see anything from anyone's profile.

Hollyhelton

coopsbaby said:

Hollyhelton said:

cole2144 said:

I have BM blocked and I would not allow her access if she asked. DH has her blocked as well, they do not have a good co-parenting relationship.

This but BM uses other peoples fb profiles to look at our stuff. Grrrrrr

Lock down your settings. Nothing is public on mine unless we are friends, so exh can't see anything from anyone's profile.

I just saw you posted this thank you. I'm going get on my computer and look at the settings. It seems Fb changes their settings all the time and my Mobil fb app doesn't let me do much setting wise.

coopsbaby

Hollyhelton said:

I just saw you posted this thank you. I'm going get on my computer and look at the settings. It seems Fb changes their settings all the time and my Mobil fb app doesn't let me do much setting wise.

Yeah, I think the privacy settings are easier to set on the computer than mobile. You have to check it every once in a while too because sometimes they change stuff and then your settings may be more open.

emme022

Hollyhelton said:

I have BM blocked and I would not allow her access if she asked. DH has her blocked as well, they do not have a good co-parenting relationship.

This but BM uses other peoples fb profiles to look at our stuff. Grrrrrr

BM as far as we know does not have a facebook( she went through 5 diff ones during her and SO's less than 2 yr relationship so who knows really) and neither of us are friends with any of her family members so we thought we were good.  Someone I was friends with a long time ago, around middle school, added me a few months back and I thought nothing of it...then one day SO saw my facebook and said he was pretty sure she was BM's sisters bestfriend.

So what I did, and you could do if you know you have friends on your list that would let BM use their accounts to look at yours, is put her on my restricted list.  I can see everything she posts(which has actually come in handy once or twice in exposing BM's lies) but she can only see things I post if it is a public post.  And she does not know she's restricted, just that I never seem to post stuff.  

misscarter87

cole2144 i totally understand..this is the same thing i have blocked bm and all her fam and friends we werent friends in fb all of a sudden after she seen me and dh took christmas pics she started being super nice and requested me about a week or 2weeks later she started all sorts of drama on my page i instantly deleted and blocked her still 3yrs later her and her fam and friends are still blocked and its staying that way.

misscarter87

@MommyEllenSue this exactly i agree i dont need any facebook drama added to the drama we already have a few yrs ago i tried making peace finally accepted her request um that lasted about a week or so then she started major drama with me &dh when she seen christmas pics we took together so i instantly deleted her off my facebook

JessH1474

When BM first made a FB page, she asked to be my friend right away and I accepted her. Then it got to the point where she was being horrible to DH and saying nasty things, so I deleted her.  Once I deleted her, she would purposely tag SS12 in posts that were clearly stabs at DH so I blocked her completely so I don't have to see anything she posts anymore.  DH has her, her family and close friends all blocked lol.  Her and I are civil to each other, but we aren't friends, so I don't see the point in having her on my page anyway.

cole2144

Exactly why I would never allow her access to my page.