HELP HELP HELP!!! I Need HELP please!!!!

JennyGirl84

Hello fellow moms-

First off I would just like to say that, I am a proud mother of one beautiful, healthy girl named Savannah and I'm totally in love with her. She was born July 24, 2013 and is the best thing that ever happened to me (literally!).

Ok, now that that's cleared up, let me tell you whats been going on; excuse me if I ramble a tad within this thread Im just insanely frustrated and don't know what to do. Ill do my best to be as clear and thorough as possible.

Since day ONE Savannah has been a very difficult baby. She had reflux in her first few weeks of life and is kind of spoiled with attention. Once she finally started to chill out and began being entertained by her surroundings around month 2, she then started the beginning stages of teething. It wasn't so bad at first, we just noticed her sucking on her fist a lot and at the time, her sleeping schedule was not so bad either. She actually was a good sleeper from the get-go and would sleep in her bassinet/play yard in our bedroom after falling asleep with me.

Around the end of month 3, I saw that the teething was getting more and more irritable for her. To add onto this, I also am still breast feeding- heres where the shit hits the fan. After she got her series of shots at month 4, her teething and behavior was INSANE! She doesnt even take to the pacifier and I have literally bought every teething contraption you could possibly think of; she wants nothing to do with them! She only wants my BOOB! Literally every hour or less she is on my boob sucking the ever-loving shit out of it...so much that the nipple is starting to become soar again just as it was in the beginning. On top of that, she has now been sleeping in our bed almost full time and wakes up every hour or two in the middle of the night, tossing and turning until I put my boob back in her mouth. It has become the only way my daughter will fall asleep comfortably. 

She is now approaching month 5 and is FULL BLOWN teething! We give her Tylonol twice a day (once in the morning and once at night) to sooth her pain a little-  as much as it does take the edge off a tad, it still doesn't fully remedy the amount of agony she's in. On top of sucking on a constant basis, she is also eating solid food which I started this month so she is over-eating which then leads to her spitting up on a constant basis.

I know there isn't a cure for teething and there isn't a device/remedy out there that can fully take away her pain but I need advice here...really good, SERIOUS advice because I'm losing my mind. Mid January I plan on stopping the breast feeding because I will be going back to school full time and Im afraid it's going to be a disaster- not to mention....I just cant take the idea of breast feeding her anymore after 6 months. Since the beginning I feel like she latched on right away and has never removed herself from my boob. at first it was a beautiful experience but now it's just irritating because I can't get her off. 

If anyone has any solid advice I would greatly appreciate it...I dont know what else to do and Im on the verge of tears here. 

I love my baby girl and want her to be comfortable but she's starting to control everything and I cant live like this. On top of soar nipples, I have a bad back and can't take her sleeping in my bed any longer. So, on top of all this she is also making me physically weak as well.

On another note- we've tried the "cry it out" spectrum but decided it was a terrible idea- we've even got a lot of suggestions NOT to do that so we decided not to go further.

Please help me just by throwing some ideas at me, I'll try anything at this point. 

Sincerely,

the helpless mom, Jen

persephonerose

Five months is rather early to CIO, I would not go that route for teething pain, since she is legitimately in pain.  Some ideas...

Move to exclusively pumping, that way she still gets the preferred year of BM and your boobs get a break.

Check with your doctor or check out the book on baby lead weaning, but we did a little bit of baby lead weaning around 5 months and let him chew on things like grilled sticks of zucchini and frozen fruit and that seemed to help our teething.

Try Hyland's teething tabs

Remember this is only a temporary stage!

Coconuthead

Hello. Sorry you are going through this. My 4 month old DS is very much a comfort nurser as well and we also bedshare. I know it can be rough sometimes but I kind of like being such a source of comfort for my LO. Some nights are rough and we are up a lot but I don't really view that as a nursing thing so much as a baby thing. Some babies sleep well, others not so much. My LO won't take a paci either.

I don't want to give you advice on weaning/not weaning however consider in what form your LO will be getting comfort once you wean. You may still be up with your LO whether they are taking comfort from nursing, or rocking, or snuggles.

Also another thing to consider is that perhaps cut back on the solids? You said you felt your LO was overeating with the bfing plus solids. Food before one is just for fun and your LO should still be getting the majority of their nutrients from breastmilk or formula so I would cut back on solids first.

Lastly you said you felt your LO was spoiled. Rest assured they are not. You cannot spoil an infant so no worries there.

Also for your sore nipples make sure your LO is latching right. If not pop her off and on until it is right. A little expressed milk with lanolin really have done wonders for my nipples.
Hang in there mamma!

Eta: typos

BelhurstBride

Look up the 4 month wakeful and into the Wonder Weeks book. There's a lot that goes on developmentally at this age and it can be really difficult on LOs, they look to what they know is comfortable (snuggles and nursing with mom) to try to soothe themselves. It'll pass, with time.

JennyGirl84

We definitely do not let her cry it out anymore- we tried it once and felt it wasnt the answer.

Trying to pump these days is impossible bc she is ALWAYS on my boob and I dont get a lot out when pumping unless im away for more than 2 hours. When her 5 months approaches, I will look into the weaning although I must admit, I dont think she'll find comfort from it.

I did look into the 4 month wakeful and believe that's whats going on here. Shes been like this for the past month and I think the teething just increases her neediness. My biggest worry is, what happens when i start school and need to stop the breast feeding? She does take to the bottle but what if this behavior continues past 5 months and she cant sleep unless being on my boob? I guess Ill just have to find out. 

pantsarella

Ditto the wonder weeks. Babies go through a ton around this age- developmental changes, physical changes, etc. Sleep regression is totally normal (my DD just went through a month of it). 

To me, it doesn't sound like she was teething at 2 months- developmentally, they start to suck on their hands and drool a ton. But I haven't ever heard of it taking 3 months to cut a tooth. So if she doesn't have one by month 5- she probably wasn't starting at 2. BUT- it does sound like she's having a rough time of it with the other changes. Definitely start preparing to wean, you don't want to do it cold turkey after you go back to school and have no way to soothe her. Sleep problems you just have to wait out unfortunately. I feel your pain. I've been sick for a month (bronchitis twice, 3 rounds of steroids and 2 rounds of antibiotics) and DD wasn't sleeping for more than an hour at a time. And that was when you were holding her. If you put her down at all, it was 30 minutes or less. Don't make her cry it out!

Crequito

So sorry you're going through this - teething is a bi**h.  A few things that have worked for us have been: letting a wet washcloth get cold in the fridge and giving it to DD, giving her a chilled (not insanely cold) bottle - she'll chew the nipple as she drinks, orajel nighttime formula, letting DD gnaw on a cold carrot, and these contraptions that are mesh on a plastic ring that you can put ice in and let LO gnaw on.

Good luck.  It will eventually pass. 

JennyGirl84

Nicb-  I understand what your saying but Im not talking about survival here. One of the biggest tips I had gotten from most moms before I had my daughter was to always "gain control" or "have control." Granted, no matter how hard you try, in the beginning it is IMPOSSIBLE to be in control. You are on baby radar 24/7 and of course, I own up to my responsibilities and take care of my DD. What Im talking about is not being able to sit her down while I pee for 1 min or possible even do the dishes unless shes on top of me. Being that she is my first, I am a new mom but I do know that she did have a period where she wasnt as needy so I automatically suspected something to be off (besides the teething) which is the reasoning for my post. More than anything, I believe we're going through a 4 month wakeful and this is all just temporary- not to mention, I needed to see if anyone else had been through this stage (which is what I later found out after i posted this) and needed reassurance that I wasnt doing something wrong. Thats all basically. A lot of my friends that have babies or had babies around savannahs age seem to not have these fussiness issues Im having so I obviously needed advice. 

Now that Im aware of this being a crucial, developmental age, it seems to all make sense now. It seems as though many of the posts I see on here are moms talking about their 4 month olds sleeping/nursing issues.

Thank you, everyone, for the much needed advice and reassurance. Hopefully we'll get past this soon enough!

taraleanne

OP - yah, all this sounds normal to me! If it helps, I noticed a BIG change in baby's neediness around 6 months! 4 months is a difficult stage! I remember, it wasn't that long ago  But it will pass... it will pass before you know it and then you're up for a new challenge. It will pass, and so on. Wonder weeks is quite accurate for me! It really helped to get through the "stormy periods" cause I knew it was just part of his development and would pass. It always did even when I was skeptical!

 Even now, at 6m old, in the evenings my DS is quite needy. I don't know why, he just is. Any other time of day he seems to be able to play independently but around dinner time- nope, needs to be in our arms.  It's difficult. When hubby is working evenings I ask my  mom to come over for dinner some nights so I can have a bit of help!  It's getting easier though, as he gets older.   Word of advice: don't compare her to your friends babies around the same age... I say this because I have done that with my friend whose baby girl can have way longer wake periods, is way more independent and way more flexible than my baby is and I'm a bit envious. But then I'm reminded of things that my baby does that hers doesn't - STTN, falls asleep independently and does not rely on nursing to sleep and I remember that all babies are different and they are inevitably going to give us a hard time at some point!! My baby gives me a hard time during the day and hers at night. Ah well!  It's SO hard not to compare, it's human nature, but try try try not to. 

All the best! 

=Lee=B

6 months was a big turning point as was when she could sit herself up on her own and play.

Do your best to survive for now.  Seek some outside help, hire a teenager to come hold the baby while you take an hour to yourself...anything to let you regroup.

Find some ways to help her ease some teething pain, so she hopefully seeks your boob less.  Something cold to chew on etc.  My daughter lived on cold melon from the fridge for months when her bottom 2 teeth came in (BLW, it was cold, helped her apply pressure and tasted good).

Keep in mind that she is seeking more than milk while at the boob...she is seeking comfort and pain relief...if you choose to stop nursing (we've all been there and understand the pain and reasoning) find other ways to help her get that needed comfort and relief.

Again, it sucks, royally.  But, it does get better. Hang in there!

anotherlady2013

Could it have been too early to start solids? Maybe her tummy wasn't ready and that's causing issues...? I don't know, just trying to come up with something no one else already mentioned.

JennyGirl84

Thanks everyone- I had honestly had NO idea how crucial this age was and will definitely take all of your advice and ride it out. I definitely have to stop comparing my child to everyone else's  because their not the same child. Knowing that this stage is perfectly normal is bringing me ease as well.

Redhead- She was aBIG baby from birth and is still growing which is why I got the OK from the doc to start solids. She's pushing 5 months and is over 29 inches and is 17-18 pounds (she's got her dads height!). I started her on light solids like fruit (which I puree myself) with the occasional oatmeal. At first I thought the same, but she seemed to be digesting it really well from the start. I have a doctors appointment coming up and will check in with her just to make sure but I dont think its the food.

pantsarella

RedheadBaker said:

One of the biggest tips I had gotten from most moms before I had my daughter was to always "gain control" or "have control." Granted, no matter how hard you try, in the beginning it is IMPOSSIBLE to be in control.

Yeah, sorry this is terrible advice for an infant. They don't cry to "get control", they cry because they need something. And sometimes that's just be picked up because you are the only familiar and comforting thing to them in the big, cold world. There is no control to be had at this point, only sanity to try to save. 

Michelle N

It's normal to be going through what you described (or at least, I hope so.. because we are going through it too). My advice is to forget about control. Control is an illusion. I recommend reading this:

https://nurshable.com/2012/07/19/the-wio-wait-it-out-method-of-sleep-training/

This too, shall pass. Your LO won't be using you as a pacifier in high school. You'll survive.

Also, your LO was not teething. And it's sore, not soar. 

GL

cinderin

I just wanted to say that it makes me sad that your child's most crucial source of comfort (breastfeeding) is being taken away from her at 6 months. :-( 

My DS is a very fussy baby (we say "high maintenance") always has been (he is about your LO's age). He already has a tooth (it popped through at 4 months). I have been EBFing him. I hope to until he is at least one (we will start introducing foods around 5.5 months or so). I also work FT and pump.

I hope you reconsider the BF. 

You can pump while you are away from LO. 

I know for us, watching my very fussy baby take comfort in something is such a relief for me (even if it is hard on me physically). He spends so much time upset/stressed (despite our best efforts). When he nurses and I see his body relax and he closes his eyes (and sometimes - for the love of all things holy - he falls asleep!) it is so amazing. And I know for him to go from fussy baby to content baby has to be such a source of comfort for him. Like nothing else. 

I hope you are able to comfort your daughter through this tough period. it is hard being a baby, lots of work and change. it is our job as the adults to do what is best for our LOs even if it means sacrifices on our part. 

shannoncorrin

Lurking....

OP, you have every right to cry for help! Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Mine is that I believe in a family centered approach to parenting rather than a child centered approach. I believe that is always in the best interest of my kid when mommy and daddy are happy (and their marriage is healthy). Right now, you are understandably not happy. Unfortunately the only way to fix it is going to involve tears. Can anyone help you? Maybe by watching your LO while you take a break. And they can intro the paci or bottle. Btw, good for you for bf'ing for 6 mo. I'm hoping to make it that long! We are giving our babies the best start while doing the best we can. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about how long you choose to bf.

trudibell

shannoncorrin said:

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about how long you choose to bf.

Exactly this.  

amandarins

Nicb13 said:

cinderin said:

I just wanted to say that it makes me sad that your child's most crucial source of comfort (breastfeeding) is being taken away from her at 6 months. :-( 

My DS is a very fussy baby (we say "high maintenance") always has been (he is about your LO's age). He already has a tooth (it popped through at 4 months). I have been EBFing him. I hope to until he is at least one (we will start introducing foods around 5.5 months or so). I also work FT and pump.

I hope you reconsider the BF. 

You can pump while you are away from LO. 

I know for us, watching my very fussy baby take comfort in something is such a relief for me (even if it is hard on me physically). He spends so much time upset/stressed (despite our best efforts). When he nurses and I see his body relax and he closes his eyes (and sometimes - for the love of all things holy - he falls asleep!) it is so amazing. And I know for him to go from fussy baby to content baby has to be such a source of comfort for him. Like nothing else. 

I hope you are able to comfort your daughter through this tough period. it is hard being a baby, lots of work and change. it is our job as the adults to do what is best for our LOs even if it means sacrifices on our part. 

I'm sure you mean well but there are tons of other ways to comfort a baby besides BF'ing. That might come off as somewhat hurtful to those moms who are unable to BF. Someone else's
choices don't need to make YOU sad.

ETA: yes, I am playing devil's advocate with this post.

I agree. My DS has been FF from day 1. I have multiple ways of comforting him and he enjoys a good feeding like any other baby. If OP wants to wean her baby, nobody should try to guilt her out of it. You need to do what's best for your family, and everyone is different.

PrimRoseMama

Prays for not another BF vs FF post. [-O<

BelhurstBride

I don't think she's trying to say that all babies need BFing for comfort. I think she's saying this baby, based on OPs post, seeks comfort at the breast.

seastar113

I would look up ways to try and introduce a pacifier and work at it! It can't be more work than breastfeeding every hour all day/night. If she had another way to comfort herself I think everyone would be a lot happier. You can still be her main source of comfort, but it sounds like she needs to suck all the time which is totally reasonable but not for you to solely fill the need with your breast. Try giving her a paci in the middle of the night after she's sucking on your breast and do a quick switch. Maybe she can get used to it in her sleep, even if u have to switch it several times all night.