Pessimism

Jen071407

I can't shake it. I'm waiting on af (cd1 may actually be today if this spotting picks up like I'm expecting), and I just can't help but wonder if maybe we just aren't supposed to ever have another baby. Like it's just not in the cards. We aren't very religious at all, so I don't really have the comfort that some have with praying and believing God has a plan. We're doing our 6th, and mostly likely final, IUI before moving to IVF (most likely February). And I already feel like I'm agreeing to IVF so that I know I tried everything, but I really don't expect it to work. I need someone to slap me with the optimism stick. 

freakyfast

I can not slap you only ((HUG)) you. 

KC1212

I am religious and I do not think that it is EVER God's plan to put a woman through the suffering of IF secondary or otherwise. He WIRED us to be mothers.

I get pessimistic occasionally, but I'm a fighter failure is not an option. I think do an IUI and go into IVF with all guns blazing. (Hugs)

bcw2009

I am right there with you!  I actually told DH this weekend that I don't even know if I want to have another baby anymore?!?!  We are doing a self induced "break month" (no temps, opks, timed sex) and I just flat out bailed on having sex during most of my fertile week because I wasn't "feeling it".  I am certain that this is just a defense mechanism as I am so sick of month after month seeming like failure.  Truly, I don't believe it is in the cards for us and I have the same nagging pessimism...
Sorry!  It stinks!!

SnowflakeBride06

bcw2009 said:

I am right there with you!  I actually told DH this weekend that I don't even know if I want to have another baby anymore?!?!  We are doing a self induced "break month" (no temps, opks, timed sex) and I just flat out bailed on having sex during most of my fertile week because I wasn't "feeling it".  I am certain that this is just a defense mechanism as I am so sick of month after month seeming like failure.  Truly, I don't believe it is in the cards for us and I have the same nagging pessimism...
Sorry!  It stinks!!

This was me last month. I actually looked forward to AF because I knew it was coming and I felt come control over it.

IF is heartbreaking and I do rely on my faith but its still really painful.

Hugs.

Sometimes a break just eases the struggle a bit, at least for me it was motivation after to try harder this month

(HUGS)

tuscanbride2007

((HUGS))  I had this same thought occur to me yesterday as I started spotting while I cleaned up the guest room (where all of our baby stuff has been stored). This roller coaster called IF sucks!

CheesyPeas

((Hugs))  I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, hun.  I haven't gone down the IUI or IVF route but feel the defeat and pessimism every cycle when my temp drops way too soon and I become depressed about my body being a complete failure at this cycle business.  On those days, I do often look at my son and reassure myself that he'll be an awesome individual even if he grows up an only child.  And then one day I'll wake up feeling anxious to try again, and we wash, rinse, and repeat.  If the good days stop coming, I know I'll be done with all of this.  But as long as they keep coming, I keep pushing forward.

I hope your hopeful days are waiting right around the corner, Jen.  ((hugs again))

Jen071407

Thanks guys! As usual this place is the only place I feel like someone truly understands all of the emotions and craziness that I/we go through each cycle. I'm sure some of this is just part of the normal roller coaster of waiting for the inevitable (and evil) CD1, and I'm crossing my fingers that that hope @cheesypeas mentioned shows back up when I pop that first clomid pill cd3. Just gotta keep on keepin' on  :ar!

pettycrocker

I wonder this at least 5x per day. Seriously the only reason I have to go forth with ANOTHER effing IVF cycle is so that my boo @freakyfast doesn't have to go through it by herself. Idk if it's just because it's the end of the year.. But I feel so over TTC lately, and it doesn't help at all that my kid has been a jerky toddler lately. I don't know why in the mother eff I would want to go through this shit again. 

Womp womp. 

CeCe8579

Big sweet cuddly hugs....but not in a creepy way! I am so sorry! My fingers are crossed for you!!!! When in doubt just throw potatoes!

lucky7wife

I'm not religious either.  It's hard to remain positive in these sorts of situations.  Remember that one day you will look back and see the path that led you to your family.  It might be IUI, it might be IVF, it might be something else.  But each step gets you closer, and one day you'll appreciate the design that brought it all together.  The waiting isn't for you, it's for your child - the specific child you are meant to have.  

Hugs!

annibes

All I can offer is hugs. This CD1 put me in a pretty dark place, too. We're waiting on genetic testing to decide whether we even should go forward with IUI. Our appointment isn't until January 10, so we have a few weeks to wait. I know we should take a break until then but I don't know if I can make myself stop TTC even though I know there's very little chance it will happen for us naturally.

LindsayF24

Hugs to all of you CD1 is the worst. It always puts me in such a dark place. And I always get my hopes up too high during the 2WW.

suzieq9980

I know I'm new to this whole journey but I have had the same feelings as all these test results are coming in.  There are days it feels hopeless.  I'm sending lots and lots of hugs to you. This process certainly bites a big one!