How do you reprimand an 18 month old??

MaggieF516

Hi there, My son is nearly 18 months.  For the past several months, he has been going through a phase where he hits and pulls people's hair.  He was at the gym daycare this weekend and pulled another toddler's hair and made her cry.  We were also at the kiddie playland at the mall and he pulled another little girl's hair and also made her cry.  I feel absolutely horrible about this!  He seems to be happy and good-natured and then he will just go up to other kids and hit them or pull their hair. I always say "No, that's mean.  We don't hurt other kids" or something like that and take him away, but I don't know what else (if anything) I can do.  After the mall incident, I took him away from the kiddie playland and then the threw a temper tantrum.  He is watched by his grandma during the day and doesn't go to daycare.  I wonder if this is contributing to his lack of social skills?  I know this is somewhat normal behavior, but I'm not sure what to do and I don't want him hurting other children.  I don't know what else I can do so he realizes that this is not acceptable behavior.  Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

seunrine

Our pediatrician told us to use a time out and to use 1 minute for each year of age. Good luck!

michelle615

My 18 month old son goes to daycare and is currently defying us on the things we are trying to teach no/redirect him.  I'm guessing it's more of an age thing.  It sounds like others in his age group at daycare are going through this as well.  We still haven't tried time outs but after this past weekend of a LOT of laughed at and ignored nos, I think it's time to see if those work. 

 

RedDDD

We try time outs but you have to hold them in place....an 18 month old us not just going to sit in a time out.  Its really hard but I guess the only thing you can do is be consistent and eventually they will understand the meaning of a time out.  My son laughs when I put him in a time out but I just keep saying "we dont hit our friends" "we play nice with our friends" "gentle touches" etc.  and I talk to him and hold him down and then say I love you and hes off running and a lot of times doing exactly what I just told him not to do

traveltheworld

I guess luckily, the first few times DS hit, he did to me. I told him no in a stern voice and immediately got up and walked away from him. He cried and cried, but I ignored it. After he calmed down I said "gentle hands" and took his hand and got him to stroke my face.

He did try to push another toddler once, and I also immediately removed him and put him in a corner. He wouldn't stay put but at least hopefully he got the idea that if he pushes, he will not be able to play anymore.

cedenton

Man, I sure know how you feel. My son has been in daycare since 6 weeks and he's a hitter. Apparently he doesn't do it as much at daycare, myself and the dog seem to get the brunt of it. But, when he's not feeling well (he has a double ear infection) he takes it out on others. Like the poor kids at the indoor playground at the mall.

We've tried everything, but nothing is working 100%. Just keep at it. He'll get it eventually.

fanofanne

LalaMama81 said:

It's age more than anything. 

For hitting and pulling hair I would removed him from the situation and demonstrate a gentle touch on his face telling him that is how we touch people. You have to do it a lot before they totally get it. 

I know some have success w/ it but I think 18 months is too young for a timeout. 

yes, we do "gentle" when they start to hit or pull hair.  after hitting, i'll take their hands and show them "gentle".  though now, (especially dd) will hit her brother and then do "gentle".  lol.  oh, kids.

ashiscute

What others said mainly.  It's definitely an age thing vs lack of social skills thing.  I think you did the right thing removing him from the play area at the mall.  

Everyone has a different opinion on time outs but we started at 18 mos with DD.  I was 8 mos pregnant and wanted to have hitting in check before baby came.  I started with 45 seconds and I did not hold her down.  Good luck

vamomtobe

Aside from showing them how to be gentle, letting them know that we don't hit/scratch/bite/etc, and being consistent in correcting behavior, I don't think there's much else you can do.  

We do time out, and I don't really think LO gets it (he's 20 months).  But it's useful to me that he has learned that when I say time out, he goes and sits in the time out chair and he doesn't get up until I say so.  I've heard one minute for every year but we only do 30 seconds.  When time out is over, I explain again why he was in time out, and to be gentle.  I figure that eventually it will sink in.

Totally normal toddler behavior!  Try not to feel terrible, it won't last forever!  

SunAndRain

Dd is 17 months and we do timeouts for 1.5 minutes. She does sit there and cries. But she sits, or else I put her back on her spot and restart the clock a la Super Nanny style. Then I crouch down and explain what she did wrong, how I expect her to behave in the future, tell her to say sorry which she does by stroking my hair, and then I tell her I love her and we hug it out.

I think her daycare is consistent with time outs which helps. But I also think our toddlers are capable of understanding a lot more than we realize. now I ask dd if she wants a time out and that seems to be enough to get her to behave. We will see how we'll that pans out in the near future, though

dancingmatilda

Time out is great with my 22 month old. Now if we tell her to go to time out she goes on her own and will sit there. We don't do minutes. We make her stay until she stops crying or until we think she's had time to think about why she's in time out. When it's time to come out we ask her why she's in time out and she always knows what she did wrong. Then there's lots of hugs and cuddles. Every child is different. You will probably have to try several different things before finding what works for you.

DawnLilly

RedDDD said:

We try time outs but you have to hold them in place....an 18 month old us not just going to sit in a time out.  Its really hard but I guess the only thing you can do is be consistent and eventually they will understand the meaning of a time out.  My son laughs when I put him in a time out but I just keep saying "we dont hit our friends" "we play nice with our friends" "gentle touches" etc.  and I talk to him and hold him down and then say I love you and hes off running and a lot of times doing exactly what I just told him not to do

I was scrolling on my phone and accidentally flagged this. I am sorry if it looks like that. I loved it after hoping that would fix it... Idk can't tell on my phone

Stillharbor

Timeouts at this age don't work because LOs don't understand why they are in the timeout. My LO is 13 months and she is starting to explore the house. She recently found the cords to the laptops and cell chargers. When she tries to put her hands on them we firmly pat her hands until she lets go. After a few times, if she goes after the cords again she usually stops when we use a stern voice and say no. Another instance, my youngest brother was biting others. My mother tried to put him in timeout and say no but it didn't work. So one day after yet another biting incident, she turned around and bit him. He never bit again. He finally understood that bad things can happen when you do bad things.

LuckyNumber16

I also think 18 mos. sounds a little young for a timeout. My daughter is 29 mos. and I'm not sure she'd understand what was going on. We also get the cracking up at the "no's" so I don't know if she can totally differentiate from disappointed Mommy and Daddy and making funny faces or just pretending to be mad Mommy and Daddy. We also did the "gentle" technique--when she hits or grabs we take her hand and have her stroke the person or animal and we say, "Niiiiice. Niiiice." It even worked on our Christmas tree! She now pets the tree and says, "Niiiice," instead of grabbing at branches and pulling.