Just need to whine for a second.

littleredfish

So I've mentioned that I'm starting a new position at work in the new year. DH has informed me that his 5's (the last part of his training) are beginning in the new year and he has a couple of prep courses for them as well. The dates are not set in stone, but this is the approximate time he will be gone. 3 weeks in January, 1 week in February, then mid March to mid June. The last one is kind of what's deflating me. Not only will I miss him terribly, but he is the drop off and pick up for DD's daycare because my hours do not fit their schedule. The close earlier than I finish in the evening. I sent an email to my manager and she said we could "make it work" for that time but she wasn't thrilled that it takes weekends off the table for me since I have no family close by to watch her, and going rate around here for weekend care would be minimum $100 at which point working seems pointless. THEN DH messages me last night to say he was talking to guys who will be on his course and apparently the longer one is to be 6 months, not 3. I'm not eager to take this news to work. I really hope this doesn't effect me getting the position now. 

Should I just get weekend and evening care and suck it up to be able to work the assigned hours, meanwhile, making almost no money to cover the extra care for just that time so I don't piss off my bosses? I know I should just ride it out and see what they say when I present it to them, but asking to work no evenings and no weekends for more than half the year seems like a HUGE demand on my part when they are graciously giving me this perfect position I never asked for. /whine session. WWYD?

selockar

For the perfect position I would pay for the extra care. I wouldn't want to lose it for something like that. 6 months is a long time to ask for accommodations. Your boss seems to be understanding. Is there anyway you could work every other? That way you can still make a little extra.

najzomax

I agree. I would explain the situation and make it clear that I understand no weekends for 6 months is too much to ask. I don't know what the norm is for your workplace but I'd start by asking to only work one weekend a month and then negotiate from there. What about another mom in the area? Maybe DD could go to a friends house one weekend and then you could take her friend for the day the next weekend? Is your husband military? I know the base here has free child care for so many hours a month to help the parents when their partner is away for extended periods

littleredfish

We could afford it, but our savings would drop as a result due to the extra cost. Am I fair to ask for reduced weekends, but still ask for no evenings? There are 2 shifts at my workplace. 8-4:30 and 10-6:30. DD's daycare is only open until 5:30 but DH has always done the drop offs since I work the later shift and always have. I believe they want me to continue working the later shift for this job too. Paying somebody for pick up and 1 hour of care everyday, plus weekend care is a lot. So I need one or the other and I feel changing shifts should be the easiest compromise for them. Does that sound right? That means I would be presenting it as "these are the X weeks I need to work around. I understand that is a long stretch of time, so I was wondering if we could maybe work out for me to do the early shift for that time, and 1 weekend a month. After DH is back, I would be more than willing to switch back to the later shift and make up weekends." Is that my best approach? 

littleredfish

najzomax said:

I agree. I would explain the situation and make it clear that I understand no weekends for 6 months is too much to ask. I don't know what the norm is for your workplace but I'd start by asking to only work one weekend a month and then negotiate from there. What about another mom in the area? Maybe DD could go to a friends house one weekend and then you could take her friend for the day the next weekend? Is your husband military? I know the base here has free child care for so many hours a month to help the parents when their partner is away for extended periods

Our base has a care center that offers extra care to accommodate for parents on leave, but due to limited spaces, we were not able to get into that center so we put her in a regular center. It's worth looking into though to see if they'd make an exception for taking her for weekend care.

I only have 2 friends that would be comfortable/what I would consider reliable to watch DD consistently. Unfortunately, they live far away; 1 20 mins away, the other almost 35 mins and each in opposite directions. So basically I'd have to hire somebody especially for this. My mother has offered to come up and help, but I live 4 hours from her. As much as I'd LOVE the free help, I cannot in good conscience ask my mother to drive 4 hours up and 4 hours back every 3rd weekend for half the year. 

najzomax

Just to out this out there... You aren't asking, your mom is offering. My mom lives a little over two hours away and she comes up about once a month, sometimes just for the day. I know for a fact that if my mom could help me out AND get to see DD every three weeks she definitely would do it. If she came up for the whole weekend she would get to visit both of you. Helping pay her the gas money would still be cheaper than daycare probably. I'd consider doing this if she is offering. It doesn't solve the week nights problem but it would help with the weekends.

littleredfish

I sent my boss an email with some general details asking for a meeting with her and the executive director for when I get back from vacation on Friday. Hopefully I'll have some more details ironed out by then. I've also put the feelers out to friends who maybe have younger siblings/cousins/etc with babysitting experience looking for more experience and money.

I'm hoping they could arrange a 9-5 shift for me. That would be a manageable compromise for me.

That is true about my mom offering, I guess I just feel bad since I've done the drive enough to know how awful of a drive it is with 2 good stretches where there's usually bad traffic and the rest of it is horribly boring with nothing to really look at. Although I'll admit that since the reason I'll need the care is because DH is gone, I'd probably enjoy the company for a weekend here and there. It's more guilt that I know she'll come up, not take my gas money and then proceed to buy me food and clean my house. I know it's her choice, but still.

MrsH11710

najzomax said:

Just to out this out there... You aren't asking, your mom is offering. My mom lives a little over two hours away and she comes up about once a month, sometimes just for the day. I know for a fact that if my mom could help me out AND get to see DD every three weeks she definitely would do it. If she came up for the whole weekend she would get to visit both of you. Helping pay her the gas money would still be cheaper than daycare probably. I'd consider doing this if she is offering. It doesn't solve the week nights problem but it would help with the weekends.

I have to agree. My mother in law lives two hours away and comes to watch DD every week. She comes on Sunday and leaves on Tuesday evening. The Sunday trip is fine but the Tuesday trip home is awful because it is right in the middle of traffic and sometimes takes her 3.5 hours to get home. She is also one that will not take any gas money and usually buys food and tries to clean. But the truth is that she looks forward to it every week. She loves the quality time she gets with DD and she wouldn't want it any other way.

You know your mom best and know her threshold. If you don't think she can handle the drive and the time then that's fine. If you think she can handle it then consider it. I'm sure you're mom would love the one-on-one time, your DD will get to form a special bond, and you'll have peace of mind knowing that your DD is in good hands and you'll also get some extra company.

jennyelf

littleredfish said:

najzomax said:

I agree. I would explain the situation and make it clear that I understand no weekends for 6 months is too much to ask. I don't know what the norm is for your workplace but I'd start by asking to only work one weekend a month and then negotiate from there. What about another mom in the area? Maybe DD could go to a friends house one weekend and then you could take her friend for the day the next weekend? Is your husband military? I know the base here has free child care for so many hours a month to help the parents when their partner is away for extended periods

Our base has a care center that offers extra care to accommodate for parents on leave, but due to limited spaces, we were not able to get into that center so we put her in a regular center. It's worth looking into though to see if they'd make an exception for taking her for weekend care.

I only have 2 friends that would be comfortable/what I would consider reliable to watch DD consistently. Unfortunately, they live far away; 1 20 mins away, the other almost 35 mins and each in opposite directions. So basically I'd have to hire somebody especially for this. My mother has offered to come up and help, but I live 4 hours from her. As much as I'd LOVE the free help, I cannot in good conscience ask my mother to drive 4 hours up and 4 hours back every 3rd weekend for half the year. 

I know that the base I work at often can do week by week care pasting together weeks of families that know they will be on vacation for a particular week, try talking to your CDC director, I know mine bends over backwards to accommodate families when one parent is on deployment. Best of luck!

mrsshawnavanb

I assume you would have mentioned if so but do you know any other moms at the daycare that could possibly help you with pickup and an hour of care before you get home? Or, could you ask the director if there's any kind of outside help. Just trying to think outside of the box. Good luck

littleredfish

mrsshawnavanb said:

I assume you would have mentioned if so but do you know any other moms at the daycare that could possibly help you with pickup and an hour of care before you get home? Or, could you ask the director if there's any kind of outside help. Just trying to think outside of the box. Good luck

Unfortunately not. I've only picked her up a handful of times otherwise it's DH who's not really one for making conversation with the moms in the pick up line lol.