TTC and can't sleep

Gabesbride63

Today at my retail job there was the cutest little girl that was probably about 3 or 4 years old.  After her mom purchased her times and was getting ready to leave, the little girl told me "Now my stuff" and put imaginary items on my counter.  I played along and rang up her items and completed the whole transaction, and she went along as if she was purchasing real items.  She was so bright and adorable I just wanted to pick her up and squeeze her, but people don't let strangers do that to their babies.  I don't blame them.  I had to choke back tears as the next customer approached my register.  I want my one child to play imaginary games with.  My husband and I have been trying for two years now.  I have PCOS and irregular cycles.  I've been taking Metformin for the last year and it has regulated my cycles.  I also lost 80 pounds, still not my goal weight, but closer than I was before.  No baby yet.  My husband and I got laid off from our full time jobs this year and aren't in the best situation financially.  We haven't stopped trying, but I stopping tracking my ovulation.  Although I know we haven't gave it 100% or probably not even 60% of our effort, not because we don't want a baby, but because we are too busy job hunting and trying to establish a future for ourselves, I've afraid it's not going to happen.  Thoughts like these keep me up at night.  What if I'm never able to have a baby?  We could always adopt.  By the time we give up on trying, are we going to have enough money and be young enough to adopt a child?  Every month someone else I know announces they are pregnant.  The majority of them weren't even trying.  My cousin is going to have two babies from two different mothers who are going to be less than a year apart in age, and he's never been married.  If it is so stinking easy to get pregnant, why can't a married couple who has been TRYING for two years not get pregnant.  Do I need to get a divorce, because it seems more people get pregnant outside of marriage than in marriage these days, lol.   These are the thoughts that keep me up at night.  At the moment I am a few days late.  I took a test last week (due to nausea) and it came back with the dreaded one line, but maybe I took the test too early.  I have all the signs, ie; emotional, crampy, sore breasts, heavy uterous.  But those are also the signs my period is just taking it's sweet time and giving me a few days of a glimpse of hope before the disappointment and frustration starts flowing. 

CowgirlK39

So sorry you feel this way. The best thing you can do is focus on your situation financially first. I understand the frustration with other peoples choices, because I have the same gripe about it. My neighbor has three kids from different dads, two she doesnt have custody of and one she does, and she is in all sorts of trouble legally and financially. It angers me that she can have three kids with little income, and DH and I are still trying to get financially ready before trying to have one. But those are their choices, and you have to tell yourself they are just that. Can't get hung up comparing yourself to others all the time. Focus on your life right now.... how old are you anyway?

Gabesbride63

I'm 33.  It just gets me so frustrated when I see people that look at each other and get pregnant.  But I know I was ranting and whining and I apologize.  lt will happen when come when it's right for us, fate has a funny way of working that way.  My husband just interviewed for a full time position, and I may go back to school for my Masters.  I don't want to wait to have a baby though, I'm impatient, I want it now!  LOL

anderson2008

I can relate to Cowgirl. I'm in the same boat. I see all my friends (and a few of my family) having babies with no job and mostly out of wedlock with no daddy in the picture. Luckily for them, they have parents who can babysit all the time. I'm not so fortunate. My parents and I learned money management at the same time. So we are all digging out of our debt at the same time. They both have to work full time to support their own bills let alone helping me with child care. So I have to pay for everything on my own. Some days it's overwhelming to say screw it I'll mooch off government assistance. But that's not the mom I want to be. I want to be the mom who has the means to put my kids in girl scouts or soccer or band or whatever they want to be involved in without worrying about that expense. So I'm trying to get in a better situation than I am now. Set a goal and try to meet it. Goal #1 would be a stable full time job. Good luck.