Vent

coastalmaine

One of my best friends just won't let go of the idea that I "need" to have another baby....specifically a girl ( like I can control that). I know she means well but she doesn't get how much it stirs up all the guilt I carry with me surrounding DS going it alone when we are old. This is my only reason for feeling any guilt but it is a big one and she just stirred that right up today I guess I just need to vent to people who understand where I am coming from...

Arcadia1114

I'm sorry. People think they can discuss our bodies. I'm sure she means well. Dh is an only and has an amazing relationship with his parents. Since he and I are in this relationship for the long haul, I know that I will help him when his parents get older, just as he did for me when my mom passed. We also have fantastic friends who helped us through that difficult time. Having another child does not guarantee a life long friend and a companion after we are gone. That argument never made sense to me as I know many siblings who are not close.

PhantomPower

I'm sorry the guilt feelings were stirred up. That is the only issue that makes me feel guilty sometimes. Is there any way you can ask your friend to drop it? I know that's easier said than done sometimes.

Like Arcadia said, a sibling isn't a guaranteed companion. A lot of siblings' relationships are destroyed by something like the death of a parent (fighting over the estate, etc). The onlies I know in life have awesome friendship networks and seem to have more support than most of my friends with siblings.

coastalmaine

Thanks everyone... I know you are right... I need to say something.

PB102012

I am sorry she won't leave it alone. I agree with PP's.... just because you have a sibling doesn't guarantee you have a friend for life. I have not spoken to my sister in years (she has a major "poor me" complex and has had her children taken from her several times). 

People love to give their opinions, but I always feel like asking them if they plan to carry the child, wake up with the child at night, support them, and pay for college? No? Then shut it.  

hopefulmom81

I really don't understand the mentality of commenting on someone else's family structure.  That would be like one of us saying, "You should have only had one".  It is SO RUDE!

As for your guilt, I am an only and have never once questioned it.  I love it.  I think, for those of us onlies, you don't know what you don't know.  Singleton life is all we know, so we, in general, are happy with it.  I loved being an only and really appreciate my parents making a decision to provide me with the resources they deemed the most important (their attention, finances etc) over a sibling.  I see so many screwed up siblings that I know even when they pass away, I am in a better position than most.

Your friend needs to shove it.

Arcadia1114

hopefulmom81 said:

I really don't understand the mentality of commenting on someone else's family structure.  That would be like one of us saying, "You should have only had one".  It is SO RUDE!

As for your guilt, I am an only and have never once questioned it.  I love it.  I think, for those of us onlies, you don't know what you don't know.  Singleton life is all we know, so we, in general, are happy with it.  I loved being an only and really appreciate my parents making a decision to provide me with the resources they deemed the most important (their attention, finances etc) over a sibling.  I see so many screwed up siblings that I know even when they pass away, I am in a better position than most.

Your friend needs to shove it.

Dh mentions many of this same things you did. His parents took days off from work to do special things with him, hunting with his dad, trips to NYC with his mom, etc. They were able to help him a lot of help with college. He has the best relationship with his parents of anyone I know. His childhood solidified our decision to raise an only.

jlk5909

I have the guilt too, but we aren't 100% oad yet. If we do decide to be I am not looking forward to this type of reaction. I hope she responds well when you tell her how it makes you feel.

Fianschneid

If she's really your best friend, you should be able to talk to her about this. Next time she brings it up, give her a "Yeah, I've been meaning to discuss this with you" and tell her how you feel.