MIL wants to throw us a shower

bingbongsmama

This is very much about her celebrating becoming a grandma again (our second child). I know she's excited, but I really don't want to go through with this.

Last time she invited all of her old lady friends and the family, asked for a list of my friends but didnt invite any.

I was really upset at one point (hormonal & sensitive) when a family member gave us cash (which I really appreciated) but mil forced me to hold up each bill in front of the room and show what/how much I got. I felt really embarrassed and talk about tacky! This is typical mil though.

DH thinks we should just let mil have her party but I'm dreading the awkwardness and we've since moved away so add to that a 4+ hr drive. WWYD?

Disneygeek77

I would politely decline

MMason12

No way!  You won't have fun and you won't be uncomfortable. I would 100% decline the shower. 

EastCoastBride

You're DH isn't the one who has to sit in front of these people and open the gifts.  So....

 

say "no". 

bingbongsmama

Actually DH sat with me and was equally as mortified, he kept trying to hush her. Her friends and sisters/mom are just as tacky so maybe I shouldn't have cared, I'm just more of a private person. I know she'll be pissed when I decline.

BlondieBia21

Yes, politely decline. Second showers aren't high thought of on this board, or with anyone I know IRL. If she wants to have a party, she can have her friends come over. Could you agree to a meet the baby party after lo is born?

dufferoo

First time around, I'd say Eh, let her have her fun. It actually sounds like it was a good thing she didn't want to invite your friends to the tack-fest. Second time around: She's already had her fun; just say no.

Luna C

BlondieBia21 said:

If she wants to have a party, she can have her friends come over. Could you agree to a meet the baby party after lo is born?

This. If she just wants to show off the grandbaby, have a simple brunch or something shortly after the baby is born. That's lovely and isn't gift-grabby looking. 

bingbongsmama

I'm DH's family they do showers for all babies, even same gender.
I'll have to tell her no, even though it will start WW3.

Disneygeek77

Have your husband tell her no then.  Don't give reasons, just say no.

jobiann

I'm on the politely decline train! Even better like PP said, have your husband do the dirty work!

beautiflaw

I would decline, but say she can have a "grandparents party" (i've heard people do this now) for baby stuff to keep at her house. could save you some headache if you travel to her house for the holidays and whatnot. you wouldn't have to bring your own gear cause granny's already got it. let it be on her head if her friends think she's tacky.

bingbongsmama

She can have a grandparents shower if she wants, doesn't bother me. But we only see them 1-2x a year and stay in a hotel.

beautiflaw

MandJS said:

beautiflaw said:

I would decline, but say she can have a "grandparents party" (i've heard people do this now) for baby stuff to keep at her house. could save you some headache if you travel to her house for the holidays and whatnot. you wouldn't have to bring your own gear cause granny's already got it. let it be on her head if her friends think she's tacky.

Just because people "do" things doesn't mean they should. Do NOT encourage her to have a grandparent party. If she has one, well, that's on her. But don't put the idea in her head. It's gross and tacky.

Oh I definitely think its tacky, but the OP said she didn't want to deal with WW3. I felt like if she's gonna do something tacky anyway, it might as well not drag her in with it. It sounds like her MIL is determined to have a party whether her DIL wants one or not.

Although since the OP says they rarely visit the MIL, it makes no sense to do a grandparents shower. Mostly when I hear of people doing this its for grandparents that are going to be watching the baby while mom and dad are working.

I like the idea of a meet the baby party. Its not called a shower so it doesn't sound gift grabby, but if MIL's friends WANT to give the baby a little something you can accept it graciously as a gift from the heart, as opposed to an obligatory shower present. You could say, "MIL, I don't feel up to a shower this time around, what about a meet the baby party instead?"