Dad has left us, I'm not sure how to explain to my 7yr old... Help?!

Rachelmarie033

I'm expecting my second baby any day now and dad has decided he is going to have no part in her life. He left as soon as I told him I was pregnant (after 8 years together) and has not shown any interest at all in being involved. Now the very odd part is we also have a 7yr old together. He is very adamant to continue to be part of her life. Now, I've made my peace with this and decided that I will raise my girls the very best way that I can and do it on my own if needed but I do not know how to explain the situation to my older daughter. How in the WORLD do I explain to her that her dad is not around for her sister but he still loves her? She's a very smart girl, and we have not yet talked about dad for her baby sister. But it's only a matter of time before the question arises. I can see the wheels turn in her head trying to figure out the questions to ask me. I have no answer for her, I don't understand it and can't possibly even begin to explain it to her. How her father could continue to love her but not want her sister. She's so excited to be a big sister! And Im excited! I just want my girls to feel loved and be assured that there is nothing wrong with them. Has anyone been faced with a situation like this??

RondackHiker

If she asks, say "I don't know. That's a question for your father. Just knowthat I love you and your sister very much."

I'd also consider family counseling. This will be painful for you and both girls.

studyinpink

I have no advice. Just wanted to say good luck and we are here if you want to chat.

ShakeyJakey

If you take him to court and prove paternity, wouldn't it force him to be involved? If he doesn't want to be involved it might not be a good idea to force him to be but he should help financially. Hopefully hechanges his tune once the baby was here.

Personally, NOT SAYING THIS IS THE BEST IDEA, I would tell him all or nothing. Be there for both girls or neither. It's not fair to either of your girls either way, but to me it seems like him not being involved is better for everyone. He sounds like a real bag o dicks.

studyinpink

Paternity test and child support definitely sounds like a good idea.

Rachelmarie033

Oh yes, paternity test and child support are in the works. And right now, I've given up on trying to convince him on being involved. I feel like I've fought and lost that battle. Now my focus has turned on how to deal with the emotional issues this is going to cause for all of us involved and how I make this easier on both girls.

ShakeyJakey

Rachelmarie033 said:

Oh yes, paternity test and child support are in the works. And right now, I've given up on trying to convince him on being involved. I feel like I've fought and lost that battle. Now my focus has turned on how to deal with the emotional issues this is going to cause for all of us involved and how I make this easier on both girls.

Well hopefully some court ordered counseling (for him and you all) will be in the works. I can't imagine any judge would be okay with saying he can be involved with one girl and not the other, if they are both his (not saying they aren't, but it would be a different story if everyone knew it wasn't his). 

That sounds like a really crappy situation and I'm sorry you and your girls are going through this.

angelashly

No advice different than other posters, but how stressful for you.

angelashly

I hit post to early and it won't let me edit. Good luck with all you do.

Rachelmarie033

He didn't doubt the baby was his until his mother put that in his head. Where that idea came from I have NO idea. His mother and I have had some words between us... And I can only think she's said it to hurt me. It's not like this was a total surprise for my husband and I, I don't think its that babies freak him out. I've made myself crazy trying to explain it. I can't. There is no explanation, there is no reason for it other than sometimes people are crappy out there in the world.