anyone pregnant and single, not by choice?

jdias428

I'm 13 wks and just moved back in with my parents (Bummer). Unplanned baby, so bf was shocked at first, but supportive. Once finding out, after about 2 weeks of him waivering, sometimes pressuring abortion, though telling me I was the love of his life the whole time... he eventually just disappeared. After another 2 weeks he contacted me saying that now he wants the child in his life, but does not want a romantic relationship with me. I've been depressed what seems like the entire pregnancy with first his waivering, then the loss of bf. I want to be happy about the baby, which IS something I want, but I've been so consumed with this depression, it's been devastating. Can anyone relate to this? 

MinnesotaMomma91

Bd wasnt a bf, but he was a good friend. Alot of our mutual friends called him my body gaurd. We got super drunk shortly after i seperated from my xh and well ds happened. At first he was unsure, then excited, then him andhis xw reconciled and he decided he wanted to be uninvolved party with ds.

He pops up randomly in our life but always disapears again. I do have a wonderful bf who loves ds and has stepped up to be dad to my little boy.

I guess i was more hurt he didnt want ds then about him not wanting me.

Welcome to the board, it does get easier, just focus on the good things

20thirteen

Funny, most people on this board are single, not by choice, to the point that a couple women started a thread to find any one on this board who was single by choice...

Welcome, I'm sorry you're going through this.  My BD wouldn't talk to me about the pregnancy and ended up leaving me (his secret girlfriend dumped me since he couldn't do it himself) because he "just couldn't be a father".  Even though he was playing daddy to the kid of the psycho he left me for. That just makes the kind of sense that doesn't. 

You'll see. It gets easier as time passes. Maybe you'll get lucky and find someone new that is willing to step up to the plate of daddy-dom.  My current BF was an old flame that contacted me out of the blue when I was 8.5 mo along.  He's been DD's daddy ever since.  He was at the hospital when I was in labor, he was there when I gave her her first bath, he was the first one to start feeding her solids.  When BD makes an appearance (he has 3 times now), he gets all jealous that my BF changes her, feeds her, consoles her.  But BD walked out, so I feel like he's not allowed to be upset. Just my personal opinion...

The heartache will pass, soon you will find that all the prepping for baby will takeover and you'll start to realize that you're doing what is best for you and LO.  And that is what you have to focus on. Good luck! We're always here for support and any questions you may have!

Much love!

jdias428

it sucks, I'm still in this stage of wanting him to come back, hoping he'll come back. I'm calling it a stage, bc i sincerely hope I won't be like this forever. And honestly, I can't fathom having to deal with him once the baby arrives. How will this not crush me anytime he wants contact with the baby? I have this recurring horrible daydream that the first time he comes to see baby once it's born he brings another woman with him. I'm totally driving myself nuts.

MinnesotaMomma91

jdias428 said:

it sucks, I'm still in this stage of wanting him to come back, hoping he'll come back. I'm calling it a stage, bc i sincerely hope I won't be like this forever. And honestly, I can't fathom having to deal with him once the baby arrives. How will this not crush me anytime he wants contact with the baby? I have this recurring horrible daydream that the first time he comes to see baby once it's born he brings another woman with him. I'm totally driving myself nuts.

Ok, so you need to stop torturing yourself. Thats all your doing torturing yourself. It is inevitable you will both move on. And heres how you move past the pain.

Only have contact relivent to lo. Trust me its better that way. For both you and your bd. Your coparenting now, there is no need to talk just to chat.

Dont think about him, just dont. Hes made his choice and you cant change his mind.

Koribratt

My bd just left last week when I was 6weeks. I found out he had been talking to an ex gf and when I confronted him things got physical he hit me and even spit in my face. I moved out of our apartment and am now living back at home with my mom. I was devastated but I am trying to keep busy bc stress isn't healthy for the baby. Stay strong girls, we deserve so much more.

MinnesotaMomma91

Koribratt said:

My bd just left last week when I was 6weeks. I found out he had been talking to an ex gf and when I confronted him things got physical he hit me and even spit in my face. I moved out of our apartment and am now living back at home with my mom. I was devastated but I am trying to keep busy bc stress isn't healthy for the baby. Stay strong girls, we deserve so much more.

Im sorry to hear this. Will you be filing charges? Filing for a restraining order? Does your now ex want to be involved with your lo?

20thirteen

For such an intense reaction, I would strongly advised speaking to someone in law enforcement... that doesn't seem right.  Even if he wants to be a part of your LO's life, I would be concerned about him getting physically abusive towards the baby... And so early on in your pregnancy... That is really a sign of trouble ahead and, even though I know you are devastated, it's for the best.  You should not put up with abuse, especially while pregnant.

jdias428

oh my goodness. getting physical is not ok... and spitting? please remove this person from your life permanently. and yes, law enforcement should be involved. 

i'm sure the situation has been devastating. nobody wants to be cheated on, never mind in your situation. and given your situation, it's going to be so much harder to deal with and accept. but please, let your exbf's behavior and reaction to the confrontation be assurance to you that at some point soon, you will not be upset about losing him. because you didn't lose anything. you GAINED. please stay away from him for both yourself and your baby's sake. 

Chirl1006

Hi ladies! I am currently 35 weeks and single. I found out my bf was cheating on me at the beginning of November and broke it off, there was an altercation and we can just basically say that my ex has mental issues and has been in jail off and on since while going through court for probation violation and restraining order violation. It's hard being alone but I know it's better than being with someone who was never really there for me to begin with.

MinnesotaMomma91

Chirl1006 said:

Hi ladies! I am currently 35 weeks and single. I found out my bf was cheating on me at the beginning of November and broke it off, there was an altercation and we can just basically say that my ex has mental issues and has been in jail off and on since while going through court for probation violation and restraining order violation. It's hard being alone but I know it's better than being with someone who was never really there for me to begin with.

Sorry to hear about your xbf. I had a restrqining order against my xh. Its rough to deal with.

I promise things get better. Welcome to the board