Anyone's siblings also dealing with IF?

BzeetyD

My sister and her husband have been lightly trying/trying to get PG for a year now. My sister is 35 and mentioned last night how depressed she is about not getting pregnant and how she doesn't want to see her friends' photos of their babies. She has been very very excited for us but I'm sure there are parts of our current state that really sting for her.

I have to tread a bit lightly in my encouragement/advice to her because I believe she thinks that because they're having trouble that she'll have to go through the trials and losses and years that we went through and I don't know if that will be true for them. I feel it's more likely that they will have luck sooner with a sticky baby.

I feel like we (Mister D and I) are in a very small percentage of IF people as far as the extent and troubles of our journey. We're special snowflakes, if that makes sense. I bet some of you feel/know this to be true of your own situations.

So, I want to be encouraging about getting tested and seeking out the right doc/treatments, and even about perhaps finding an IF therapist for her to see...but I don't want to be pushy. I think she knows that something is wrong but her only association with it is our horrible 4 years. So it seems extra scary to her.

What kinds of things would have been helpful to you to hear, early on?

If you've had siblings who've dealt with IF too, how do you share your journeys?

Thanks.

lincoln79

***coming out of lurkdom***

i think you are very thoughtful to be careful not to let your experience color hers, especially since it has been so trying.

my sister and i were treated by the same RE, even though we live in different states. she was about a year ahead of me with treatments and assumed everything would be the same for us, even though our issues are quite different.

she had a m/c with an iui, got pg with ivf #1 had my niece and is now pg again less than a year later w/o the need of medical treatment.

despite being open w/ her about all our treatments and our m/c 1 and 2, she was incredibly insensitive and told our parents that the only people who don't have kids are those who don't want them enough and that i must not be following drs. orders if i am having m/cs.

we didn't share the third ivf and simply communicated (by text) the loss of our twins (m/c #3) in september b/c we needed to miss a major family event. her response was to text me back that she is pg and that her pg is not a conspiracy against me. mh and i have decided to keep our distance from our family at this time while we heal from this year of grief and pursue a GC.

i communicate this as a worst case scenario. i think the best thing you can do is ask your sibling, "what can i do to help you right now?" if she feel lost about medical stuff, you can answer questions. if she wants camraderie, you can share how you have found these boards helpful. if she is feeling guilty about not being as involved or excited about your pg as she would like, you giving her permission to be protective of herself (and that you can understand that) could be a huge blessing.

i wish anyone in my immediate family would have approached this tough situation (which is nobody's fault) in that way.

you are being incredibly sensitive and kind and that is huge gift to your sister.

*****retreating back to lurkdom*****

Mrs.McIrish

I'm not in this situation but I agree that "most" people will not have the extended IF history that some of us here have. I'd actually say that to her. Getting tested is just getting tested. An easy fix may be possible.. She's at the over the year mark and 35. Don't waste time. That's the one thing I've heard repeatedly from a lot of people- regrets over wasting time. Ps: I would probably sugarcoat a bit-- I would never have wanted to know the road ahead of me and the $ I'd spend. You build up to that acceptance over time-no sense worrying her with that info that may never be an issue for her...

Mrs.McIrish

Omg Lincoln- your sister is a piece of work!! Guess all of us here didn't follow doctors orders. Big hugs for having to deal with her bs.

J&D2007

I really wish someone would have encouraged me early in to at least get testing started. I wasted so much time trying on our own thinking we were just unlucky. I wish someone would have said 'why don't you just go to a local RE and get a few tests done to make sure there isn't any big issues you would want to rule out'.

luvboston

Wow Lincoln your sister is "lovely" I would have punched her when I saw her.

My sisters have PCOS and I told the 27 yr old that perhaps she should get things under better control before she decides she wants to conceive because she forgets to take her meds etc. She snarled at me then thanked me later. 

I think that you should tell your sister time is of the essence and push her to go see a good RE. You don't want her to turn around later and say why didn't you push me to go.

If it was my sister I would just make the appt, no one should suffer like we have!

BzeetyD

Thanks everyone, very helpful.

I really really hope that they can get it figured out. We're pretty close and I know she and I would both LOVE to have cousins close in age. She's been fairly supportive of us and takes a lot of what we've been through to heart. I SO hope her journey has an easier and quicker solution.

Julie21613

My sister was a huge support for me.  She & I both have the same diagnose.  She went through it before I did.  After 6 months of trying with no luck she encouraged me to get tested based on her issues.  I am so happy I did.  It still took a very long time and heartache for both of us, but thankfully we were both blessed with happy endings.  So I guess my point is, I would encourage her to get tested sooner rather then later.... like pp said.. her's could be an easy fix.

and Lincoln....I cannot believe your sister could be that cruel.........I guess I didn't follow dr's orders either....sending you hugs!