Social Skills

mommyof4boys

We had part of Jon's IEP meeting on Friday to go over his educational eval and psych eval.  The teacher felt he would benefit from peers more than being pulled out for social skills.  We agreed to pull it as a related service but had agreed to put it back when he's a bit older as needed.  

Here's the difficult thing...Matthew needs social skills.  Jon was 1/4 of his group and the other two boys only go 2 times a month.  He needs it more than twice a month.  The case manager suggested pulling his as he will be alone two times a month.  I disagree.  The case manager said he is the kid who does need social skills but wasn't sure what to do with him in a group by himself.  I suggested pulling typical kids of Matthew's choice and doing a lunch bunch on those off weeks as his IEP says they must push in twice a month.  They won't do it.  

What would/should I do?

mommyof4boys

-auntie- said:

mommyof4boys said:

We had part of Jon's IEP meeting on Friday to go over his educational eval and psych eval.  The teacher felt he would benefit from peers more than being pulled out for social skills.  We agreed to pull it as a related service but had agreed to put it back when he's a bit older as needed.  

It's hard to say. On one hand being as proactive as you can now will help keep Jon closer to where his NT peers are headed than opting out of social skills. At around 10years/4th grade his peers are going to make a quantum leap socially- if he's a a little shaky now, adding it back later may be too little, too late.

On the other, social skills practice with other boys on spectrum who are not driven to social interaction can be a little pointless. While we did agree to Social Thinking in small groups in school, the skills were mastered on our watch by engaging DS in scouts and music where there was a natural mutual interest and more typical kids who were willing to do the work of being social.

Their circle of friends are all similar in diagnosis.  We put both boys in scouts and religious education.  I am lacking time or I would put all three kids in social groups.  Jon is the kid that is a bit quarky, has his own interests, and is quiet/shy.  His teacher said she has encouraged him to be with the group and as a result has a bunch of girls that gravitate towards him.  She said they girls like playing with him.  He likes running and playing tag with the other boys in his class.  She felt his speech was more of an issue than his social skills.  I agree they need worked on and not sure how.  He'd be in a group with just him and Matthew.  That's also not teaching him anything.  I can do that at home.

Here's the difficult thing...Matthew needs social skills.  Jon was 1/4 of his group and the other two boys only go 2 times a month.  He needs it more than twice a month.  The case manager suggested pulling his as he will be alone two times a month.  I disagree.  The case manager said he is the kid who does need social skills but wasn't sure what to do with him in a group by himself.  I suggested pulling typical kids of Matthew's choice and doing a lunch bunch on those off weeks as his IEP says they must push in twice a month.  They won't do it.  

This is a tough one. Ideally, pushing in social skills during a less structured part of the day can really help a kid who needs to learn to behave in the expected manner in the cafeteria or on the playground. Lunch Bunch and Circle of Friends with typical peers seems to be more of a primary grade strategy. I don't see them used effectively much past the start of 3rd grade. Pulling peers in individually to be a part of your son's service delivery can be a bit dodgey- what if Matthew selects someone who is a poor fit? Or what if he gravitates toward a child who himself needs supports but of a different kind? Or what if the kids he chooses don't want to have lunch with him?

Both boys will be in 3rd grade next year.  Matthew is immature and a "young" 8.  He is a bit more nieve.

What would/should I do?

I wish I had a good answer for you. Like I mentioned, we chose to do a lot of the social skills work on our own time because DS tended to get paired with kids who were more atypical than he was and just wasn't moving forward socially.

They wanted to remove social skills from him all together as well.  I believe Matthew needs them.  He melts if people don't want to do what he wants when he wants it.  He also needs help in reading emotions, non-verbal cues.  The case manager said the social worker's background is social skills and she works wonders with the kids.  I believe she would be a valuable resource for Matthew.

mommyof4boys

He does need to be flexible. Part of this is my fault. I didn't realize until I suspected he was on the spectrum that he had issues around this area. Having multiples means you are on a schedule. Having three under 2/3 means you are on a schedule. I thought it was me until he was 4/5 ish. It's a combo of him not reading his emotions and others. He will read emotions every once in a while and has the ability to be quite empathetic. His teacher said she caught him rubbing the back of another kid in the room and telling him that "it would be ok and he would help him" when the kid was upset about not understanding a skill. Then we have moments when he can't figure out anything and seems lost. He tends to be stuck in the everyone must feel the same way and think the same way mode as well. We're back to multiple meltdowns with him every week. Fun.