Life Question..

kjf114

So do any of you feel since this process of working for a miracle that you have changed views in life? I don't know if its been because my life feels on hold for 2 years or what.. But I want to do something different with my life and make a difference. I'm a planner and obviously I can't plan this baby time but now everything I have worked for getting where I'm at I find myself so unknown. Odd if any of that make sense. Lol

GettinCrafty

OMG, yes. It took DH and I awhile to come to the decision to TTC. That was three years ago. We finally jumped into it with both feet, in part, because we were ready for the "next big thing." We've had several conversations along the way about redefining that "next big thing" if this doesn't work. Grad school for both of us? More travel? Change up his career? Maybe a move? Not too sure. 

But yes -- I think DH and I would both totally agree with your "do something different with my life" urge! 

RunCC37

Yes, I have had feelings like you described. At times, I have felt that what I am doing with my life is arbitrary and meaningless. But I've found after a lot of thought, that everything seems to be arbitrary and meaningless if you really stop and think about it! I try to redirect my thoughts any time I catch myself going there, because it is really depressing. In truth, I have a great job (teacher) and know that I am making a difference... even on the days when I feel blah. I really think everything in our lives is just tainted by infertility... it really sucks the joy out of everything.

poohniki

I definitely am thinking of taking a new path. I am a teacher and going to school for school psychology, but I am thinking of getting certified to do counseling for infertility. I feel like I have gone through most decisions and with a little specific training, I could feel like my misery can help others. I just don't think I can actually talk about it if it never works out for me; I'd be too bitter. 

hopefulsprout

Yes! I'm a career counselor by trade. I am often thinking about this kind of stuff with my students and those thoughts also often spill into my thoughts about my own career.
With our IF, DH and I have had a lot more conversations of how we'd like our lives to look should we not be successful. He gets a lot of "purpose" from his job--(go teachers :-)!), but sometimes I wonder about mine. Also, (like many of you, I'm guessing) we picked where we are living based on proximity to "grandparents" as well as the quality of the school district. And, we bought a big house. Sometimes I think about instead living very lean and traveling the world, wondering if I can do something that makes me feel more "meaningful". Sometimes these thoughts leave me feeling hopeful about the future, and sometimes they just make me sad. I guess it depends on what hormones are running through my system at the time, and how well my counseling brain is helping me control my thoughts.

I've definitely thought about working with others struggling with IF. I know right now I'd have too much transference to even try to counsel them, but I'm hopeful I could in the future. I agree with you,poohniki, I'm too bitter right now.

I've also fantasized about going to medical or nursing school to help with IF research, though I'm not a science person. I even had a dream once where I was helping run a huge fundraising event, similar to a Relay for Life, that was all to benefit IF research. While I feel like I'm always thinking about IF in some way or another, these dreams at least help me keep hope alive!

kjf114

Yes, yes, & yes. I pondered grad school but business field is not something that gives me meaning. I make a decent salary but not something that fulfills me- dull-drum work everyday leaving myself unchallenged. Animals is my passion but to go to vet school would be too costly, time, location, & baby timeframe just seems too impossible. (Unless i win the lottery) Trying to figure out what gives me meaning, be helpful and make a career. In the mean time I put a request in to foster animals for recycled rotts a local specific breed rescue.. Also plan on volunteering at the animal shelter I would love to make a career with but just don't know what to do

ksgsmu

It hasn't changed my views on my career.. but has def changed my views about other areas of life.  I don't have patience or time for drama or negativity . I get enough with IF.   It has caused me to reevaluate both relationships and activities I was involved in.  For instance I use to meet up with a group of girls ( not close friends) to do random girl stuff (You know lunches, nails etc...) Nothing is wrong with that but they were pretty shallow and gossipy etc)  I am just not in that place anymore... I would rather be helping others and encouraging others by volunteering etc...  I just want to spend my time in a more meaningful way.  So I backed out from that group and now I go on a lot of one on one coffee dates with close friends and even some new friends. Our conversations are deep and meaningful and we share a lot. It is so much more rewarding! I have so much more compassion for others too.  I can empathize with struggles that I couldn't really relate to before.   IF sucks, but I am grateful for some of the things it has and is continuing to teach me in life.

HeatherHam10

I've definitely changed my view on life and find that I am not going to take my life for granted as well as my view on my relationship with dh.  I also feel like I won't waste my life doing something I don't love and that stresses me out.  I am a teacher and although I love it, sometimes I wonder if the stress is worth it forever.  I don't know it all just makes you think more!

LSN8308

i never thought i would be in this position... everything thats "wrong" with how my life is now and how its supposed to be winds back to IF being the cause. education is so important to me, not necessarily for a career but because i just love learning. in my DHs words, i would probably just go to school for the rest of my life instead of work lol. which is not far from the truth! and i am so fortunate to have someone like DH in my life that wants to take care of me and feels responsible for me so that takes the pressure of working... for money anyway lol i cooking/cleaning/errands count too! but for me im an all or nothing girl. i kept putting off school because i wanted a family, want to be a young mom and have a home of my own and decorate and have play dates and join the PTA and fill my days surrounded by family and friends and my kid(s) and who knows maybe i can go back to school when the kiddos go to school full time or even go to college.

and it makes it even harder because it seems like everyone i know has kids! and its a hard dynamic to adjust to. and on top of that, DH and I live with his parents. it started off as him wanting to "take care of them" but 5 yrs later, i think his hesitations to move have a lot to do with us not having kids yet and frankly thats a big issue for us now because for me, although it would be a devastating adjustment to think about a life without children, its something i might be able to see for us. but not if it means living with his parents the rest of our lives and not having my own home. its weird, but i still dont feel "officially" married because we havent experienced being on our own yet. but if a BFP is gonna give him that push then I'm gonna househunt the second i get that beta (FXXX)))