The 2nd child question....

PB102012

So I have a feeling that I am the baby of the board with the youngest LO? How did you ladies deal with 2nd child questions early on? I have already received the questions about when we plan to have a second child. I find myself saying "we're just focusing on our little girl right now...." I feel like if I admit now that I am only planning on having one that people are going to judge me (I have received comments when I am honest so I stopped being so upfront).

How did you all answer this question? Did you decide that you were OAD as early as I did or did it take a while?

PB102012

EAMartin1004 said:

We were OAD from the very beginning and expressed that when we were asked. But we heard a lot of "oh you'll change your mind" type comments. DD just turned 2 on Sunday and we still haven't changed our minds. We still get asked about having more and stick with the same answers. I try not to dive into all my reasons though since its really none of their business.

We hear the "you'll change your mind" comment constantly. It's aggravating

KatieB19

Yup. I would very matter-of-factly say that we are done. I actually do a little laugh whenever people ask. "Haha no we're good with one." I think people get taken aback at the certainty in my voice, so they don't tend to press it. If I get a "you'll change your mind" I respond with the same tone. No, we're good.

I never give reasons. There are counters to almost everything and I'm not looking for a debate. Just be certain and confident in your response. Otherwise, people will assume you are going to have another and will just continue to ask you when it's gonna happen.

kristennd

We did not get questions that early. Maybe in part because he spent time in the NICU. That would have been a little insensitive.

We did not decide ourselves until he was about 18 months. I don't think you should decide on anything significant during the first 12 months. About your life at all, not just child-specific. The sleep deprivation alone. If you were already OAD going in to it, that's totally different.

Some people really do think they're done during the newborn stage and then really do change their minds. And it doesn't make them bad people at all. But it does mean that you get second-guessed. It's really better to just not discuss it. At three months, I'd reply with "You're bored with this one already?" and change the subject.

PB102012

Thank you ladies! I am more one and done for financial reasons. I don't think I could give LO everything I wanted to if I had two children. Looking back, her newborn stage wasn't that bad and she sleeps really well, so overall she's been a very easy baby. I think for the time being though we will be vague about our answer, that way we're covered if we change our mind too.

KL777

DH and I did not know right away.  I don't remember how I responded early on, since we weren't for sure. Once we were for sure, I just plainly said we were done---and those outside comments really started to get annoying.

kristennd

christy32685 said:

Thank you ladies! I am more one and done for financial reasons. I don't think I could give LO everything I wanted to if I had two children. Looking back, her newborn stage wasn't that bad and she sleeps really well, so overall she's been a very easy baby. I think for the time being though we will be vague about our answer, that way we're covered if we change our mind too.

That's definitely one where you want to be vague about your reason. Speaking from experience. Everyone gives you that standard "Oh love will find a way" drivel about your finances. "The material things won't matter anymore..." Even though the exact same people say "Well they should have thought of that before they popped out more kids" about anyone on public assistance.

MidwestMeetsMA

christy32685 said:

Thank you ladies! I am more one and done for financial reasons. I don't think I could give LO everything I wanted to if I had two children. Looking back, her newborn stage wasn't that bad and she sleeps really well, so overall she's been a very easy baby. I think for the time being though we will be vague about our answer, that way we're covered if we change our mind too.

I always reference how easy DD is!  "We'll never have another because we've been so spoiled by how great she is!"  

KatieB19

christy32685 said:

I think for the time being though we will be vague about our answer, that way we're covered if we change our mind too.

See, I think being vague invites more questions. Or at least gives people "permission" to continue asking. I didn't want people questioning or giving me a hard time.

Ironically, when ds was 2, I did start to get the itch. I was so adamantly OAD, I never thought it would happen. But just like I didn't care what people thought about me being OAD, I didn't care what they thought about me wavering. I talked to friends, asked about experiences with having more than one, explored birthing options... And then came back to OAD because that really is where my heart is. And I have never been given a hard time about it. Had I changed my mind, I feel like it would have been more of a celebration attitude than an "I told you so" one.

Although, full disclosure, I never once let on to my baby happy family that I was wavering, lol. Those people are crazy

jlk5909

Surprisingly we haven't been asked by family yet. DD just turned 18 months last week. Since we are still fence sitters my line has been "if we have another" when discussing the future..I'm hopeful people have caught on to the fact that we aren't definitely planning on another.

Fianschneid

When people ask, I give them a quick and certain "Nope." If they ask again or ask why, I tell them that DD completed our family.

No one has pressed it beyond that (to my face), if they do, I plan to tell them, in great detail, about DH's vasectomy.

MrsCodeMonkey

I was asked in the past and kept saying "maybe one day" or something vague. I had a miscarriage a few months ago and I was sensitive to the question after that. As soon as someone got pushy I told them about it and it shut them up.

I'm thinking of coming up with a more comical answer like "we like money too much to have another." Someone here had a great response and I'm blanking on it. I think I'm going to get snarky with people who push it.

PB102012

@MrsCodeMonkey I am so sorry for your loss.

 

I am all about getting snarky! People are nosy!!