Who is in with you?

ksyknelvr73

Your MIL is crazy.

DH was the only one besides medical staff for DS. It will probably be the same this time, although I'm thinking about asking my sister if she wants to come in for it.

Susanbeth85

Um...no. That sounds like something my husband's step-mom would say.  She has already informed me that she will touch my belly as soon as I am showing

I like the motto "if you didn't help put it in, you don't get to help get it out!"

Good luck putting your foot down!

megs&hops

#1 I had an emergency c-section with DD, so it was just DD's father.

Fast forward 6 years and a new marriage.

#2 I had to have a repeat c-section with DS. My DH gets very faint when in a doctors office, he would have passed out in the OR. So , I had my mom in the OR with me.

#3 Another repeat c-section for this one. Since my MIL has all boys and we have gotten to be pretty close, I have asked her to be in the OR with me.

I wish more than anything that I could have DH with me, but they would have to scrape him off the floor.

lucreciac

Um, what?

I had just my DH last time. Same this time. I don't need anyone else there all in my business. WTF?

Mztwilson

My MIL said shed never want to be in the room when baby is born. Let her in when babies cleaned up and I'm presentable. My mom on the other hand wants to be there. But I'm thinking it's just me the hubs and the dr

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erind228

I agree with everyone...she has no right. With my first, everyone was out in the waiting room. I pushed for 2+ hours and they kept texting my husband and going to the nurses station to see if I was ok. My Dr. even made a comment about them. It was annoying. The second time, no one was there, but my husband. So nice. It will be the same this time. I would have your husband talk to her. I always have my husband deal with his mom when we have "issues" like this. It's good he shares your feelings, and don't let her harass you about it. Put your foot down, and if she brings it up again just tell her your mind is made up. Good luck!

bhead81

I plan to have DH, my best friend and possibly my mom.  My mom drives me nuts at times so I may have to kick her out...we will see.

tdf2010

For DD, I wanted it to only be DH, but my labor progressed way faster than expected and my mom had no time to leave the room while I was pushing.  This time it will only be DH.  More than likely, no other family members will even be at the hospital until after this LO is born since we will have DD at home.

lellymine

njbabymama said:

definitely not selfish!  it's a very personal experience, it's your decision who gets to be in the room with you.  dragging your SILs into it is really immature and beside the point anyway, she's not your mother - would any of your SILs wanted to have had their MILs in the room with them?  it makes sense if they wanted their mother with them, but they shouldn't be pushing that onto you.

She's going at this really strongly because my SIL (DH's brother's wife) gave in and let her be in there with both her kids. She got bullied into letting MIL come in so it really peeves me that she's backing her up saying it should be a family event.

sarahlynnc317

With DD it was my dh (now ex) my mom And my sister. With DS it was just me and the doctors.
This time around it will be DH, my mom, my sister (if she wants) and if my MIL wants to she can. I don't care who visits while I labor but that is it in the delivery room.

Cstarks2013

For my son it was my husband, ( ex husband now ) my mom, my twin sister and my step dad. I will not be repeating this mistake. I thought I wanted all the support I could get but my nurse was the best support of all! Lol. It will just be me and my SO this time.

LindsayDesigner

DH was the only one in the room with me. My Mom wanted to be there but I told her no. She understood and didn't make a big deal about it.

hubbs173

FTM and I only want my DH there. And I'm pretty sure DH won't want anyone else intruding on our moment. His mom passed away long before we ever met and I don't think my mom will try to be in there, so I don't think I have to worry about anyone invoking their "right" to be in the room.

ricecakes1216

H and maybe my mom, maybe. I told H I would rather deliver in my car than have MIL in the delivery room. We plan on making the nurses the bad guys if we need to.

Luna C

joules235 said:

 MIL took some terrible video (like 10 minutes of close up of my nether regions while pushing with no baby visible...)

My jaw is on the floor. You are kind to even allow her to do that. I would've been cursing a blue streak.

liberty95

lellymine said:

njbabymama said:

definitely not selfish!  it's a very personal experience, it's your decision who gets to be in the room with you.  dragging your SILs into it is really immature and beside the point anyway, she's not your mother - would any of your SILs wanted to have had their MILs in the room with them?  it makes sense if they wanted their mother with them, but they shouldn't be pushing that onto you.

She's going at this really strongly because my SIL (DH's brother's wife) gave in and let her be in there with both her kids. She got bullied into letting MIL come in so it really peeves me that she's backing her up saying it should be a family event.

Be strong and set a boundary now, otherwise it will be IMPOSSIBLE to do so once baby arrives.

kks4471

Only DH will be in the room with me. I know his parents want to be in town though, so I need to talk to him about not letting them in until baby is here. I can totally picture them pestering nurses, asking every 10 minutes if I've delivered yet. I don't want them stressing me out!

Luna C

ugabamafans said:

If it was me, guess who wouldn't be told that we are even at the hospital until baby was here?  My body, my rules.

THIS. So much this.

Luna C

A third thought: If you do tell her when you go to the hospital, make sure the nurses know that she is NOT welcome in the room with you.

Our hospital has a very strict policy on family visitors and they will firmly back you up if you say Person X needs to go.

MNOpea

With my first it ended up being DH and my best friend. I wasn't really planning on having my best friend be there but when it came time to deliver I wanted her in there. This time I don't even know what state I will live in so hopefully at least DH!

Rosebud2587

DH and my mom were in the delivery room with me. My dad was also in there for a little bit but he left before things got really serious.

I loved having my mom and DH there to coach me through my contractions. I don't think I would have had a successful med-free natural birth without them. 

momof5sept18

With DS1 My mom and (ex) MIL fought over who would be in the room, but i got an emergency c section, then DS2 was a repeat scheduled c section so it was again, only medical staff, ex , and I. This time it will be my new DH and I plus medical staff, and my sister will bring DS#1&2 up to meet the baby. This is DHs first so we'll have some us time with baby, then the boys will come up, then after family time relatives will be allowed. And the first one to be a SA or a B word will be kicked out promptly. Me & my MIL have never really gotten along and neither have her and DH. So shes the least of my worries.

SaraT717

With the first I said just DH and I and I said DH couldn't go past my waist but what really happened was DH saw whatever the hell he wanted my mom was there and took pictures. In the end I really didn't care about anyone but myself and getting the baby out if me lol! For #2 probably the same I'm guessing.

Pepper6

My mom has been in the room for all my neices/nephews births and goes on about loving to see the baby come out.  Long before we even started trying for kids, I told my mom that would not happen with me...I don't want anyone without a medical degree down there, not even H.  She is persistent that "by that time, you won't even care, you'll just want the baby out, so you won't care that I watch". To which I respond "exactly, which is why I want to set the rules before I'm out of my mind in pain..."  I love my mom, but I know she would not respect my wishes...so she won't be in the room (she's known this for a while and is probably disappointed, but wouldn't try to change my mind, she knows that's just how I am). 

Luckily, my ILs are not pushy at all, and frankly I don't think my MIL wants to be in there anyways.  I'm cool with immediate family being at the hospital while I'm in labor depending on the time and my pain level, but once I start pushing...it's just me and H.

HeyAmberNicole

I'm being kind of mean about it. With my son, everyone and their mother was in there because I delivered where I worked.

This time, it will just be my boyfriend. I'm kind of being anal about visitors too. I want to be a few hours postpartum/post-op before people come in. Like on pain meds and have already fed the baby at least once. I'm asking friends to wait until 24 hours or until we're home to visit. 

I really want bonding time between boyfriend, baby and I. 

jesus4life2

midwife, nurse, hubby, me, photographer ( my BFF but I tell her to be "invisible" ) and of course, baby!

allrightmeow

My mom my MIL and my hubby.  My mother had not been at the birth of her two previous grandkids since my sister had a CS.  My MIL and I had a rough start but are in a better place so I didn't mind her being there.  

This time we will be having the baby in the state we live in so it will be just my hubby and I.  Im hoping they will allow my 5 year old to be there too. 

nflan16

I would never let my MIL see my who-ha!!!

IveGotWhateverItIs

Be Strong!!!  If you really feel that you don't want her in there, stick to your guns.  I agree with a couple others about not even telling her that you are in labor.  That will help bunches.  She may be pissed afterwards when she finally gets notified but once she sees that sweet baby's face hopefully she will get over herself and realize that it wasn't about her afterall.  Good luck. 

MissBHaven1024

With DD#1, I had a c-section, and DH and my mom were with me. With DD#2, just DH was with me. This time, it will just be DH as well.

lifeisbetteronthered

One of my SILs tried to tell me the same thing when I was pregnant with DD. Her logic was because she wasn't going to have kids and her sister had c sections, I "have to allow her" to be in the room with me. I told her in no uncertain terms "no". We even went so far as to only tell my father when we went to the hospital, he's out if town, and I was worried that DHs family would show up in the waiting room even though I told them they weren't welcome.

In the end it didn't matter because there was an RSV outbreak and no visitors were allowed in the hospital. Baby met everyone when they all showed up at our house the next day with dinner. We had a wonderful first 24h getting to know our baby alone, then a nice visit the next day with family. We plan on doing the same thing this time around, RSV outbreak or not.

MollySm

I had my H, my sister, and 2 close family friends.  I loved having them and would happily have had more people.  I love sharing such an amazing moment with people who love my daughter.  This time I am sure it will be different people, but I am not sure who yet.  I was in labor for 30 hoirs, and H and I really liked having people in and out to talk with, and to keep our minds off things when it was taking so long.  I was in the room when my nephew was born (I caught him!) and that was another amazing experience.  I know I think differently than lots of people on these boards, but I feel like my H and I get to experience so much alone with my daughter.  I love sharing with people who love her when I can.  

Luna C

@Mollysm: Nothing wrong with having the entire extended family in there with you -- if that's what you want. I think people are reacting so strongly only because OP's MIL announced she would be there. 

That's pretty freakin' presumptous for anyone. 

Mrs_D_in_KY

PLEASE do not allow anyone to push their way into the delivery room with you or make you feel bad for your decision. Your baby = your decision.

My MIL kept referencing a story where she flew in from South Carolina to Kentucky and got there just in time to watch (now ex) SIL push out my nephew. I ignored her stories and luckily so did DH.

My rule was besides the obvious medical staff, unless you were at the conception. You will NOT be a part of the birth. My parents fully respected my decision but I think MIL was a little upset. Oh well I have zero regrets and am glad DH was the only one there to experience the birth of OUR son.

The same rules will apply for this LO.

And if you don't want to be the bad guy, the nurses usually have no problem telling the family where to go.

MollySm

Luna C said:

@Mollysm: Nothing wrong with having the entire extended family in there with you -- if that's what you want. I think people are reacting so strongly only because OP's MIL announced she would be there. 

That's pretty freakin' presumptous for anyone. 

Yeah, I get that.  I was just responding to the initial question.  Mostly because I think it's good to have both opinions out there.  I was on the Bump with my first pregnancy, and I spent half the pregnancy thinking that I only wanted H and I, it was a special private moment, etc.  And then one day I realized that I didn't actually feel that way.  I am an open person, andcI wanted to share with people who loved my daughter and would remember that moment forever.  I only thought I felt that way because people on the Bump had felt so strongly about it and had been posting it for months.  

Lynnja616

No one. DH and I only.

PinkKEL9

My husband and my mom will be in there with me. I am super close to my mom and I want her there for support as well as my husband. This being our first child, I am sure we will both be nervous. 

My MIL lives 1,000 miles away, so her being there isn't really an option. They will come visit after baby is born. She wouldn't expect to be in there anyways. She is really chill and we get along great!

Luna C

Not to get off-topic, but am I the only one who finds it weird that so many MILs expect to be in the room, while the moms are less likely?

Personally, I can't imagine wanting to watch my son's wife pushing for hours. It seems awkward to say the least. I'm not sure I'd even want to be there for my own daughter's. (If she asked, I'd do it, but I don't think I'd request it.)

Maybe I'm just a prude. 

FutureMrsW9

Omg what a crazy.  It will definitely only be DH, me and my midwife/nurses.  Mothers and MILs are out of their minds if they think they can come in. *eye roll*  If you weren't there to make the baby, you're not going to be there when it's birthed.