Who is in with you?

lellymine

MIL just informed me she would be in the delivery room with DH and I since she's been in there for her other 15 grand kids. I told her that absolutely wasn't happening. She's furious and says it's her grand baby so it's her right.

Who is/was in the delivery room with you and DH?

Read247

The doctors. No one else is even allowed at the hospital to come visit. My baby, my rules.

snowpants

Lol at her "right." 

DH was the only one (besides doctors and nurses of course) with me when DD was born.  He'll be the only one allowed in for this baby too.  There's no way in hell I'd want an audience for giving birth, not even people I absolutely love like my mom or sister.  Not a chance. 

crhein26

Wow....that's pretty ballsy for her to just tell you she's going to be in there without asking!

As for me, I would imagine only DH and I.  I'm not really about having other people besides doctor's and nurses all up in my business!

Bmcmullin01

Just my mom and my husband last time and it may be the same this time..or just my husband idk

abastian00

Aw hell no. It's not her baby. My MIL is similarly pushy, so I have zero tolerance!

Just my husband, OB and whatever other medically necessary folks will be with me in the delivery room.

jaybee11

If my mother is in town when I deliver, she can be there...if she wants (haven't talked to her about it).  Since she lives 9 hours away and I'm having twins, I doubt that will be likely anyway.  In-laws aren't invited.  If you didn't see it when I was a baby, you don't get to stare at it when I deliver one out of it.

Jubeckmarie

Just tell your MIL you will be happy to accompany her to her next pap.

I hope she's not making you feel guilty about this. You have the right to say no to whomever you want, regardless of who they are!

Beeank

If you're there during conception then you're allowed to be in the labor room.

I laugh at my in laws when they say they'll be in the room with me. My parents know better! So rude of people to just assume.

My MIL and SIL said they'd both be there bc they make a great birthing team. Eye rolls forever. [-X

tbmadeamistake

Last time, DH and my doula.  This time, just DH unless my sister is available to come up, and that I'm unsure of.  Heck, this time I don't even want visitors untli after we're home.  Last time they kept interrupting my naps!!

 

ETA: For her first, my sister had my parents AND her in-laws in the room when she gave birth, men included.  Her FIL was even holding her leg back at one point!!  Nope, no sir, not happening.  Too weird.  She did not repeat with the second.

kellyjayne

DH and the medical staff. My rule is, if you weren't there during conception, you will not be there during delivery!

flerlgirl

Your MIL is BSC. 

It will just be me and DH in the room. I'm having a c/s but regardless that's the only person I want there.

Luna C

My doctor, my midwife and the Dude. And probably a bunch of random students since it's a teaching hospital. But that's it.

I will likely put my favorite aunt on the list of approved people (my hospital requires you to name them in advance) because my mom is dead and she's the closest thing I have to a mom now. But I don't really expect her to show up for the labor unless something horrible is happening.

I offered to let my MIL come, although I don't really want her there, but Dude put a stop to that talk.

ETA: I would tell her that she could shove her "right" to be there where the sun don't shine. If you don't put a stop to the pushiness now, she'll be questioning every other parenting decision you make for the next 22+ years.

twistsandturnsto2

FTM here but we have decided that it's just me, H and my mom. And part of the reason why my mom is allowed in is because she works in L&D, not at the hospital we will be at, and can ease Hs fears/concerns when it comes to my care. DH hates hospitals and doctors, so it will be good for him to have an experienced person he knows to calm him down.

Other than that absolutely no one else is allowed in until I am ready. I have never wanted an audience and don't intend to have one. My hospital also includes an hour of just baby and parent bonding time before they will even consider guests, an added bonus.

lellymine

Jubeckmarie said:

Just tell your MIL you will be happy to accompany her to her next pap.

I hope she's not making you feel guilty about this. You have the right to say no to whomever you want, regardless of who they are!

Oh she's laying it on so thick. She even got DH's sisters and my SIL involved and they couldn't believe I "was being so selfish. They're the baby's family too"

lest12

Just DH.

God help either of our mothers, or anyone else, if they try to suggest that they should be in the room with us.  Absolutely no way in hell.

MSUMands

Just my DH. Hell would freeze over before I'd allow anyone else. Birth was such an intense and intimate experience the first time, just say NO to anyone you don't want in the room!

liberty95

lellymine said:

MIL just informed me she would be in the delivery room with DH and I since she's been in there for her other 15 grand kids. I told her that absolutely wasn't happening. She's furious and says it's her grand baby so it's her right.

Who is/was in the delivery room with you and DH?

It is NOT her right! She has some nerve! The labor process is very personal and every woman has a right to ensure that environment is how she wants it.

My rule is: if you didn't help put it in, and you are not helping to get it out, you are NOT invited to the delivery.

I apply this rule to belly touching as well.

dragonfly711

Omg how could she just assume. That is between you and hubby.

I figure just me and hubby. My mom can be outside waiting.

k2k2tog

Put your foot down! If you don't want your MIL, don't let her be there. She'll get over it.

My husband will be there. I won't mind if my mom or MIL wants to pop in to say hi during labour, but when it comes to the delivery, it will be me, DH, and the doctors, and that's it. 

twistsandturnsto2

@liberty95 love the rule! Very well put!

OP your MIL sounds like a peach :-O You are completely NOT being shellfish at all!

dragonfly711

lellymine said:

Jubeckmarie said:

Just tell your MIL you will be happy to accompany her to her next pap.

I hope she's not making you feel guilty about this. You have the right to say no to whomever you want, regardless of who they are!

Oh she's laying it on so thick. She even got DH's sisters and my SIL involved and they couldn't believe I "was being so selfish. They're the baby's family too"

You are not being selfish. What does your hubby say?

supgabs

It will be my SO, medical staff, and myself. I am not even planning on telling my family that I am at the hospital until after the baby is born.

ncbelle

Yikes!  She's got some boundary issues!  No one was there except for DH and the medical folks.  Your birth; your call!

1medicwife

It will only be DH and medical team. I really don't want anyone in the waiting room either, but I will be too busy at that point to really care.

MamaDuck2013

Just dh...we generally don't tell the Grandmas until after I have given birth. Last time, my mom tried to get my medical information from the nurses and thankfully they told her nothing.

mommyof2boys922

Only DH... I am also having a c-section but I think it would only be him if I weren't.

lellymine

dragonfly711 said:

lellymine said:

Jubeckmarie said:

Just tell your MIL you will be happy to accompany her to her next pap.

I hope she's not making you feel guilty about this. You have the right to say no to whomever you want, regardless of who they are!

Oh she's laying it on so thick. She even got DH's sisters and my SIL involved and they couldn't believe I "was being so selfish. They're the baby's family too"

You are not being selfish. What does your hubby say?

He agrees with it being just him and I. When he told he that she told him he'd change his mind when it got closer and he'd want his family to be involved in the birth of his first born. I think it's going to be 6 months of her badgering me. Looking forward to it...

binkybabies

OMG, some of these responses are freaking hilarious!!! Take her to your next pap!! that is one i MUST remember!!!! MIL has not mentioned being in the delivery room, THANK GOODNESS!! I already told my DH that he's the only one in the room with me besides medical staff. My mom hasn't made a big fuss out of it...hell, she's even planning a vacation next xmas instead of being around for her first grandchildrens christmas (we're having twins) When i reminded her she was going to be a grandmother by then, she just went, oh, maybe we can go in November then...

Good luck with your MIL!!!! If that were me, I would have totally laughed in her face when she pulled out that line!!!

KristaU831

the beauty of living far from family… just us! my mom might fly out before my EDD to watch DD. she wanted to be there last time to see her early but said she had no interest in being in the room.

then she was talking about being in the room this time and i was like ummm the point of you flying out early is to watch DD not watch my vagina gape open.

OP your MIL can kick rocks. and so can your SILs, a birth is not a spectator event, it's not about the baby, it's about you giving birth. 

ElTrain5

Ha, I told MIL that she wasn't getting anywhere near the delivery room before I was even KU. I've seriously considered printing out her picture to add to my birth plan of "people you are not to let near me". For me, DH, Doula, and My mom if she makes it from NY in time (we are in IL).

Luna C

One more thought: I was speaking to the head nurse of the Labor & Delivery section at a big teaching hospital here in Philly. She's been a nurse for 30+ years, and she mentioned that her DIL had asked her to attend her labor and how honored she was that she had been asked, because, "I'm not sure I'd want my MIL in there even if she was a nurse."

So the idea that Granny has a "right" to be there based on the fact that she's Granny is BS.

alicatand

It will just be my DH and doula for the delivery, but my mom and MIL are welcome to pop in and out while I'm laboring on a "let's wait and see" basis.

I was in the room for my best friend's delivery last year and it was amazing - I don't have any sisters, she has 4, so she's very open and wanted me to have that experience. I was so honored to be in there with her during such an intimate time - but definitely solidified for me I don't need anyone else other than my DH and professionals .

lscal20

Just my DH. There's absolutely no way my MIL would be in there. My mother, yes, but she gets worked up when I'm in pain/sick or whatever, so she'll be happily waiting in the waiting room.

fuhryfam

Dh & medical staff only.

Be sure to make it explicitly stated in your birth plan who is allowed in the room & who isn't. The medical staff will abide by your wishes (within reason, of course...and keeping the pushy grandma out is definitely within reason ). :-)

wtfisup

Grandparents don't have rights to your child. Or birth.

Me and H only. Not just in the room - at all. I don't want anyone in the lobby waiting. We're telling no one but a friend until I'm rested, stitched, and fed.

BruiserB

Um, no.  Not her uterus.  Not her vagina.  Not her "right".

H and I are both firmly on board with the rule of "if you weren't there at conception, you're not there at birth" (except medical staff...).  All our parents and family are welcome at our place with the dog or in the waiting room while I'm pushing this thing out of my hoo-ha. 

Katieluc106

My mom my MIL and my husband. My dad was there but opted to wait in the hallway while I was umm..... Wide open. Haha it will be the same with this one. I wouldn't change it.

curlylocks3

lellymine said:

MIL just informed me she would be in the delivery room with DH and I since she's been in there for her other 15 grand kids. I told her that absolutely wasn't happening. She's furious and says it's her grand baby so it's her right. Who is/was in the delivery room with you and DH?

I'm dying laughing at the thought of anyone thinking its their right to see my vagina. Good for you for standing up to her!

It will just be me, H, and whatever necessary medical staff. 

AandJ28

It'll be just H and I. I'm preparing for the talk with my mom about this since she'll insist on being there - after all, everything is about her so she must be there. She'll probably be posting live video on fb for all to see. 

AllyTales

If all goes as planned.. My twin sister and mom (and H, of course).