Confused by BD

Lotus001

 I am currently 31 weeks pregnant and I am very confused by my BD of course lol! So we were only together a month when I got pregnant found out at two months and he left at 3 months pissed I decided to keep the baby and told me I chose to keep the baby I need to be prepaired to do it alone because he did not want the baby and could barely take care of his first son (which I didnt know about) So I carried on with life and became confident in the fact that I could do this without him because I have alot of love and support around me and that there was no reason I couldnt meet someone new that would be an amzing inluence on my son. Well when I was 5 months pregnant he popped back up texting me that he was sorry that he finally told his family and important people around him (still not his other BM) that he wanted to make things work with me cause thats what was right blah blah blah......needless to say I gave it another shot we went a like three weeks of things being great and than the weekend came on that third week and BAM back to oh we are moving to fast we need to work on our friendship (which I said first) and he doesnt want to commit because he is scared and it doesnt feel right and he has never really been single .....So we went back to not talking for 2 more weeks and again he texts me saying he misses me wants things back how they were and misses being able to touch my belly ect. So we did the whole thing again (stupid I know) and again the weekend comes up a few weeks later and I dont hear from him and he is back treating me like im nothing again. I do love him and would ultimately want to be with him and have a family but he is so up and down!!!! Has anyone else been through this and what did the final outcome look like. I'm confused, lost, hurt, still in love, but fed up all at the same time!!!

momof2buggs

First of all, im sorry you're going through this situation! It's not a fun one to be in. You will get through it, though. Trust me.

There really is no need to be confused by all of this. It is as plain as day that he does not want to be tied down. He won't commit. Be done with it, before baby comes. You owe yourself and baby to be emotionally ready to raise your child. Doing it alone is a big joke. But doing it with a partner who really isn't a partner, is an even bigger joke. 

MinnesotaMomma91

Im sorry to hear about your situation. I know your confused, but i think hes taking advantage of you and your confusion.

I think your best off kicking him to the curb since you are a strong woman cabable of doing it on your own.

Welcome to the board btw

20thirteen

I agree with PP, this guy will continue to treat you like this because you are letting him.  The only way to really heal is to get this guy out of the picture.  Tell him "when you're done being immature about this situation, we can sit and talk about what exactly your role in LO's life will be."  And if that means he pays child support and has visitation once in a while, that might be the best thing for you.  Or if you want to go the way I did, leave him off the BC and wipe your hands clean of him.  My BD only texts when his parents are in town.  Other then that, I don't hear from him.  And its really nice.  But you have to choose what will be best for your LO, if that means including this unstable guy or excluding him.  And he is unstable, let me stress that.  The way he is treating you is a sign that he is UNSTABLE.  Which should be a clear indicator that maybe you might really want to think about his level of contact with your child.

Good luck! Much love!

tig594

Roxalot said:

I agree with PP, this guy will continue to treat you like this because you are letting him.  The only way to really heal is to get this guy out of the picture.  Tell him "when you're done being immature about this situation, we can sit and talk about what exactly your role in LO's life will be."  And if that means he pays child support and has visitation once in a while, that might be the best thing for you.  Or if you want to go the way I did, leave him off the BC and wipe your hands clean of him.  My BD only texts when his parents are in town.  Other then that, I don't hear from him.  And its really nice.  But you have to choose what will be best for your LO, if that means including this unstable guy or excluding him.  And he is unstable, let me stress that.  The way he is treating you is a sign that he is UNSTABLE.  Which should be a clear indicator that maybe you might really want to think about his level of contact with your child.

Good luck! Much love!

This exactly.  You will be healthier and happier without him around. 

Lotus001

Thanks so much everyone! Its so obvious from the outside looking in that we are so much better off without him in our life and the games he is playing, but it is just so hard to let go and at times I feel like I failed i guess.Sometimes you need that swift kick in the ass to really open your eyes and to hear others opinions and experiences. This board has been super helpful for me! Thanks again!

blueyedsweety28

it is hard to let go, especially when he is the biological father to your child and you want nothing more than to have the perfect, happy family. takes a real man to be a dad. he has some growing up to do. stop letting him hurt you and constantly let you down! stay strong.

inthelost

it is hard to let go. really hard. but...you just have to do it. and the sooner you do the better off you'll be. i'm finally just getting there and it's been a pain in the ass.