Unreasonable or no?

EMT

So, ILs are trying to book their flights for after #2 is here.  I love that they want to come but it is a bit difficult to schedule due to the obvious (estimated due date is ESTIMATED).  My EDD is 1/31.  They originally wanted to come first week of Feb.  I obviously didn't like that because if I haven't had the baby by then, I will be in no mood to have guests (especially ILs!).  So, now they are looking at second week in Feb.  But then I hear that FIL is booking a ticket but MIL will just fly standby "so that she can be here right after the baby is born."

So, here's my question:  is it unreasonable for me to want them to come at the same time (they are together/married, etc.)?  DH is looking at me like I am crazy but if I have the baby at all early or even on time or a little late, MIL will be here a few days after and then FIL will be here after that.  They came separately after DD too but this was because they had a dog at home that they couldn't leave alone (the dog passed this year).  DH seems to think it was so great having MIL around.  She WAS very helpful but having just had a baby; I was very emotional and EVERYTHING she did annoyed the sh!t out of me.  I just don't want them (or any visitors for that matter) here for two weeks (MIL first, then both, then just FIL).  I think a week is enough and they should do it together (so we can figure out what the new normal is as a family without having visitors for an extended period of time because they are drawing it out).  Even if she is flying standby and even if it means she doesn't see DS until he's 2 or even 4 weeks old, I'd prefer she arrive and leave around the same time he does.  Am I unreasonable to want this?

EMT

P.S. they stay at our house.

Starr_Mom

It totally doesn't sound unreasonable to me. As a new mom (whether it's your first or tenth baby), you make the rules. Stand your ground and just tell DH that it will be best for you and the fam if they come together later.

Brideofranken

hmmmm.I don't know if it is unreasonable to a normal person...but it is NOT to me..But I am weird with my ILs ..I wish my FIL would NEVER show his fat gumdrop shaped head around here EVER. my MIL is fine, but I have never spent an extensive amount of time with her, so when she said she'd like to come here for 2 WEEKS after the son is born and my parents leave...I didn't know what to think. 2 weeks is LONG. I get sick of MY family after 1 week, I am not sure...plus I agree about figuring out the new norm...

yeah, I don't think you're crazy. I also remember being an emotional trainwreck then for awhile...

good luck- I'm interested in knowing what you decide.

co18co

Nah.  Your house, your rules.  It's really hard with everything being up in the air, but I am from a divorced family, and DH's parents (thankfully) live in WA, so everyone would have to travel, and it'd basically be a month of visitors.

 

I'd be chomping at the bit to get on with "real life" with 2 babies, personally.

 

BOF...you crack me up.  I basically feel the same way with my FIL/MIL.  But, no matter what, two weeks is a long time.  They'll be wanting to be home, and you'll be wanting them LONG gone! 

luluroo

Nope, not unreasonable at all....you have no idea how Maddie is going to adapt to the new baby (most likely she will be great) but with extended visitors, etc it would be a lot easier to get things back to normal as soon as possible.  Plus, it is just stressful to have anyone staying at your house for an extended period of time.

EMT

Brideofranken:

yeah, I don't think you're crazy. I also remember being an emotional trainwreck then for awhile...

I distinctly remember having thoughts about snatching my baby out of her arms and running to my room/slamming the door and staying under the covers with DD the whole time.  I was convinced it was the onset of PPD but it miraculously lifted once MIL left.  She was very sweet and made us home cooked meals every night and cleaned up and stuff.  But, it is still an invasion. 

IL relationship is a complicated one for me and it has gotten moreso since kids.  I know it's not just them and some of it is clearly me (they are lovely people just different) but I just think maybe it would be best to not draw out our visits either way.  Have them stay long enough that we enjoy their visits but not too long that they wear out their welcome.

AZ_Erica

I'm with you.  They should just plan to come mid Feb or sometime you know the baby will be here already.  My MIL was planning her flight SECONDS after DS was born.  Not kidding, they were still stiching me up and she was calling asking DH when I could pick her up at the airport etc.  I think they just get excited and don't think.

jennrg1019

I don't think you're being unreasonable.  I felt like crap after I had Allie and would not have wanted my ILs staying at my house for any more than a brief visit. 

You should tell her that the doctors think you're going to go beyond your due date and she should book her flight for the last week in February.

mrsterry

Well, do what you want and stay true to yourself.  I welcomed visitors immediately after having both of my boys.  I was a tad disheartened that it took my friends so long to come by after having Alexander (nobody even came to the hospital).  Everyone heard about it so they knew not to make the same mistake when Christopher was born. 

I would've loved for my ILs to have come right after I had Christopher (they came a couple of weeks after I had Alexander)...but they didn't and I was upset.  I thought they had the perfect time to come, even if it was just my MIL.  Her birthday is June 11th...I thought she could've come as a birthday gift to her from my FIL to see the baby, AND be present for Alexander's bday party that was on the 14th...didn't happen.

They didn't see Christopher until he was just shy of 2 months old when he and I flew up to VA from FL for another reason. 

Oh, and my mom was around from the beginning of May until the beginning of July and I had him on May 30th....

breezee_bean

Does your MIL come our other times without your FIL?  She might just see that as one of those times.  My MIL goes to see my SIL/BIL without my FIL all the time. 

I don't think that you are being unreasonable, as this is your time to call the shots.  At least if they have each other for company, maybe it won't feel like you have to entertain them. It totally bugs me that people get their panties all in a bunch when it's not about them, it's about you. 

HasteTheDay

I can't imagine having anyone staying with us that soon after either of my girls were born. I totally know what you mean about it feeling like an invasion. I got the feeling that it was more about the good feelings *they* would get from being there when the baby is born and a lot less about actually being helpful to DH and me. KWIM??

EMT

HasteTheDay:

I got the feeling that it was more about the good feelings *they* would get from being there when the baby is born and a lot less about actually being helpful to DH and me. KWIM?

Yes I totally KWYM.  But then I think it isn't about just me.  DH really enjoys having them around & he's so proud to show off his kids and they ARE their grandkids.  And it is DH's house too you know?  But, I shouldn't discount the way I feel emotionally and physically after just having a kid.  And under those circumstances, I think what I need/want is paramount.  Just have to get DH to understand that...he doesn't seem to understand what an emotional roller coaster it is (in fact, he doesn't seem to care to understand women at all and I don't know how to make him understand as he will never go through it.