How to get DH more involved - or am I nuts

mrs.chaiffetz

I love my husband.  He is amazing and has always been my #1 supporter in everything.

 

With that said, he is awful at IF stuff.  I did get him to BD on schedule this month (previous months it was like pulling teeth because he felt rushed).  I try to tell him everything going on and what is next but he really doesn't seem interested.  I cannot tell if he is just as scared as me or if he really is okay with everything either way.

I know we need to have another talk BUT if anyone else has ever done this how did you start this conversation.  I don't want to sound mean or like he doesn't care I just want support.  Also my husband is a psychiatrist.  I feel like sometimes I am just another crazy patient.  LOL  You would think a Dr. would understand why this is so hard but its the complete opposite for him.

 

Any suggestions???!?!?!?!   OR is the 2WW just making me plain nuts.

ronniesgirl1981

You're not nuts. This crap is hard! Does he go to any of your monitoring appts with you? My husband and I agreed that the next time I have monitoring on a weekend, he NEEDS to come. He literally does not know what's going on. Us gals spend so much time obsessing, researching, and bumping...they do not. He is not going to get on a message board, but I can let him see what is going on with me first-hand. Also, he's in charge of giving me clomid at night and he gave me my trigger shot. I think there are ways to get them more involved but there is always going to be a division.

supermorena

I agree with @ronniesgirl1981. There is just a difference in the way we process and handle all of this. Since he is so supportive usually, maybe have a conversation about how HE feels comfortable being involved. If charting and mucus is too much info for him, leave that part out. If he can come to appointments and give you shots, do that! There will always be more that falls on the female,so let him be choose what his part is in all of this. Good luck!

ky29

***previous pg mentioned***

 

 

My husband has been the same way.  He would get annoyed with how much I would talk about things, and just seem uninterested.  Regarding scheduling BD, I would tell him what days (in advance if possible) I wanted to schedule.. but I wouldn't make a big deal about it if he wanted to switch it around when the time came.  I think that helped make it feel less scheduled.

Also, I don't think they really get as emotionally involved as we do.  However, after my m/c, he has been a completely different person regarding ttc.  He's very involved, asking questions, and doesn't get upset over ttc conversations.  I think he finally sees the other side of it, and it took getting pregnant and all that to get there.  Like ronniesgirl said, encourage him to go to your appts if he can.. and my DH gives me all my shots & that helps him feel involved (and I really think he likes stabbing me in the stomach..)

I think it's just hard for guys.  You aren't crazy, I totally understand where you are coming from.  But sometimes taking the pressure off for a bit (off him at least) will help. Good luck!!

mrs.chaiffetz

Thanks girls.  It is so funny because I posted this before grocery shopping and when we got there he made a comment about "maybe we can park in the expected parking spot - we don't know yet".  It literally made my heart sing a little bit.  He also mentioned that he thought in pregnancy you were suppose to sleep on your side.  No idea about this one but it was something!  I think he is trying and maybe I need to just look more at how hard it might be on him too.

 

He has never gone to monitoring with me but I would say he is pretty busy.  He does ECT (electro shock therapy) starting at 5-6am everyday.  Plus he has to get there early to set up for the patient. 

We have been trying for 6 years but 3 were in medical school (not too bad but he was busy) and now 3 years have been residency.  Finally this year he doesn't have to do a lot of overnights so it helps.  I would say in our 6 years only 5-6 cycles have gone off as planned.  BUT he is almost done being a chief resident and we only have 1.3 years left.  So even though its hard I see the light at the end.

I go to hypnotherapy but he doesn't go to any.  I just don't see him doing it but you never know.  It is an option.

pcrumley

***(Movie Warning) Might sound random but sometimes we Netflix movies, and I recently watched this one called 'conception ' it's about diff couples that are trying, or infertile, or just get pregnant and how their life's go thru this process. So sometimes I'll spark up convo afterwords if I can't think of a good way to approach it. In general men aren't really the "sharer of feelings" so it's understandable. I'd ask if he could just try and make it to one appt, even if it's just a blood draw. Worth a shot right ? And I'd try a dirty movie night or something to mix it up or whatever you and DH r into. But idk maybe I'm crazy

mrs.chaiffetz

pcrumley    I will give it a try.  We have Netflix so if nothing else I will watch the movie!  LOL.  I  am a little addicted to their movies.

pcrumley

Who isn't lol

mrs.chaiffetz

I watched the movie. It was really cute especially the couple with injects - sooo relatable