had an encounter tonight NBFR sorta WWYD

ambrvan

I was home alone. H and the kids were at MIL's just down the street. As I was coming out the door to head down there to join them, some guy walking up the street heads to my driveway and asks me for a couple dollars and tells me he and his son are hungry. I would not find this odd when I lived in Memphis, but here in such a rural area, these things don't happen.

He never tried to approach me closely, stayed a good distance away. I told him to stop where he was and he did so and as I was trying to get back into my house (I had already locked the door) I told him I didn't have any money but if he was hungry I had food I could spare if he stayed where he was. (Are your eyes bugging yet?)

I got inside and locked the door behind me and called H to come. Then I gathered up some Ramen noodles and apples and put them in a grocery bag. I cracked the door and told him to stay where he was and I would set it out, he could get it after I was back inside and then he had to leave. I was very clear and gave instructions. If at any time he had acted otherwise, I would have called the police and grabbed the shotgun.

He thanked me and headed back the way he had come. As he was leaving, DH pulled up and I thought it was going to get ugly. But luckily, the guy just ducked, apologized, and kept walking. H made it very clear it was not alright to come back and that we are armed. Then he called the police, which was my next step anyway. They said they had gotten calls about him approaching houses like that all day and had been looking for him.

Yes, I know it could have turned it bad, but I felt like I had to give him a little benefit of doubt until he gave me a reason not to. I tried to stay alert and keep my wits about me. I mean, although chances are he was just a scab, what if he genuinely was hungry? Wwyhd?

And now I'm nervous he might show back up. That it might have just been a cover to feel out a victim of a break in or something like that. Our house did get broken into October last year, and now I'm thinking of that. Our what if he comes back looking for more or thinks I am kind and wants to take advantage of that?

Edited for typos.

xmaryrickx

You did the right thing. You diffused a situation. You were commanding enough that he listened.

Could it have turned bad? Yes. But he could also be a man in need of food for his son. Being in a rural area there are less resources than in a metro area. You were firm but kind. I say that's a win.

ambrvan

unfortunately my dogs don't bark at strangers. They roll over to be petted and wiggle with excitement.

Wahoo

I'm glad that everything went well.

Personally, I would not have helped out.  I may have given him the phone number for our local food pantry, but I would not have gone into my home and given him anything.

The reason.....I would not want him coming back.  I have just started to leave the house without DD and DS (DD babysits).  Not to freak you out, but I know someone who's grandmother was murdered when people asked to use their phone, she let them in, and they robbed and killed her. 

I give to our local food pantry, tons of charity projects through the school, church and scouts, and donate toys and clothes to the thrift shop, but just handing things out to a stranger is something I would not do. 

 

nurrieum

I worked at a homeless shelter throughout high school, my reaction would've been different. I wouldn't have called the police, I would've given him what I could and sent him on his way. Now, I would not have invited him into my home but I wouldn't have called the police. I'd have else directed him to the local shelter. Sadly, there are cons out there who take advantage of the kind, I feel that if you protect yourself from vulnerability yet remain kind that how you should be. I hope that he gets on his feet again and finds blessings.

ambrvan

We do not have a shelter of any kind near here. The nearest is an hour away. We have no soup kitchen. The help people in need receive is dependent upon mission work of the local churches. And unfortunately instead of opening their doors during inclement weather fire those who need it, they kick their doors and close. Granted, homelessness is very uncommon around here, virtually unheard of. Virtually. Not completely. There should be something out there to help those that need it.

The reason I was going to call the police is because they were the only period I could think of that would have the means to get him shelter (they can and do arrange for transportation to the shelter when needed) and probably know more about available resources than I do.

My husband, however, was obviously not of the same mindset when he called. I told him that man did nothing wrong when he came up so there was nothing they could arrest him for. I told him that I appreciate him being so protective, but I would hate to find out that the man starved to death the next week in the news if I didn't give him something. He called me dramatic. I told him it was just an example, but it illustrates my point.

I didn't know who else to call except the police. In Memphis there would have been plenty of places I could have called for him, but not here. I should really look into that. There has to be more than I know.

ambrvan

I meant if he at anytime became threatening tried to come into my house. Of course I am not going to let my guard down that much. It is in the bedroom for a reason and I will use it if I feel threatened. But he did not threaten me. So I didn't even pull it out.

And no, he was white. I am offended you would ask. I would defend myself and be wary of any stranger that approaches my home, especially when I am alone. If you're going to start putting race in this, you could could very easily say that if he hadn't have been white I would not have even give the measure to give him food. But honestly, it wouldn't have mattered to me. I would have been wary but acted the same if it had been a black man or Chinese woman.

Racism only exists when people inject it. And you just injected it into this thread. Racism will never cease to exist unless people cease to give it power.

ambrvan

And did everyone miss the part about him not asking for food, he asked for money? This was an automatic tip off that "maybe" he isn't being honest about being hungry. But I offered the food and he didn't refuse as most people do if they're looking for something else.

This is not my first encounter with someone looking for "assistance." Only my first encounter with someone approaching me at my home doing so. And when he said they just cut his foodstamps, I knew he had access to assistance other than me. That detail was left out in my OP because I didn't think it was important.

Forgive me for being a little wary of strangers after someone attempted to kidnap me from my own yard at 16yo on 3 occasions and my own mother would not believe me, even when a neighbor witnessed it. I will not become a victim.

I didn't owe him anything. I did give him food. And you're going to hassle me about it? I wasn't questioning whether that was right. I was wondering if I was stupid for even doing that much. If I took to much risk doing that. What your Valeria was home and you offered assistance to a stranger who turned the tables on you? Sorry, I don't trust humanity that much.

ambrvan

Also, too many typos to correct. On mobile. Sorry.

And Tif, I am not trying to start a war. I re-read my two above posts and it may but have been worded the best, but being on mobile, I don't feel like editing them. We live in two different parts of the world. Even elsewhere in the States, this would be a different situation. But here, there are too many options for an honest person not to approach a woman alone for money for the person that does so not to look dishonest. If that makes any sense at all.

Haven't you heard that everyone in the United states is on welfare? You don't even have to have a job here anymore! That's a joke by the way. And not against people on welfare, against the government. At one time, were on assistance. So I in no way disrespect people who honestly receive assistance and work. Covering my butt here, because I could see that getting turned around on me, too.

Littlejen22

First, I live in the suburbs and as a SAHM have actually had a police officer specifically ask me to be on the lookout for people asking suspicious questions. I think I posted recently that I had a guy around 18-20 knock in my door saying his friends do got loose and showed me a pic and asked if I had seen it. I said no and he went on his way. After I remembered the officer telling me last year to be on the lookout and I called the police. The officer that came out said he did not believe for a second that the guys story was real and that he was not checking things out even thought he thought it was weird they knocked on my door with two cars in the driveway. He was glad I called. Oh, and the guy was not white but I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that I would have called regardless.

Ambrvan, I have not had any issues with anything you have posted in years and have no issue with this but honestly you have posted some insanely racist stuff in the past even if you did not think of it that way, i wont speak for Tif but people here have long memories so you should not be shocked on assumptions.

Yes this is an AE

I am sorry but ever since you posted that you named your child after a member of the KKK, I cannot see your posts under a different light.

I am actually surprised that people forgot about that so quickly

Yes this is an AE

Yes this is an AE said:

I am sorry but ever since you posted that you named your child after a member of the KKK, I cannot see your posts under a different light.

I am actually surprised that people forgot about that so quickly

I didn't mean to pay that under the AE I use when I use to post when I was fostering.

I still stand by the fact tht it was an extreme over reaction. Would I feel uncomfortable in that situation? Sure but treating a guy like criminal it's a complete different story.

I am leaving this thread now because this post just solidify my opinion about you. Not that you care or should.

ambrvan

You are absolutely right about that last part, Jen. I do not call my son by his first name for that reason because I of how my husband says he picked it. Although I can honestly say, I don't think that new it matters because even my H has not brought that up in years. We call him by his middle name Wyatt.

I have not forgotten that thread. And I am ashamed if it. I am not the same person I was then. I was stupid and ignorant for defending my grandstanding reasons due claiming to have come up with his first name. And honestly, if I did not have kids, I may not have changed. But my kids changed my perspective on things.

I had no reason other than blindly accepting what people told me to think the way I did. And that was not the kind of person I wanted to be. That was not the kind of person I wanted my kids to be. My H is not so quick to change his habits, but he knows names and slurs are no longer accepted in this house. But I am not that person anymore, it pains me to know that people still remember that whole shebang from about four years ago.

Littlejen22

Ambrvan, I have seen you post over the years and have no doubt that you have grown and changed a lot and I also have no doubt that you were raised that way and it is not an overnight thing to overcome. As for your sons name, you call him Wyatt and that is fine and I am pretty sure you call him by his middle name because it is common to do in the South and I thought you called him it before the post anyway. And your sons name is Nathaniel right, just like my son? No one would ever suspect anything if you did not proudly and ignorantly state it. Even if is first name was Nathan almost no one would ever thing twice about it and even after living in Franklin and driving by the statue for him on Rt. 65 for over a year I did not even know his name until your post. Seriously, if you don't tell people they would not have known. But like I said, you proudly told people on here where his name came from and then tried to tell us all that he was not a bad guy. I honestly hope that you really have grown and started thinking for yourself, I do still have serious concerns for you about your DH and that he thought this was awesome and that he has often had a do as I say attitude towards you, you seem like you want more and want to grow and I hope that he will also or your kids will have that same thought process and attitude. In the meantime people are going to make assumptions about you.

CurlyQ284

I try to give as much as possible to help others. I donate stuff all the time, give money to homeless when I'm in DC etc but if someone came to my home, I would be freaked out for sure regardless of the guys race. I wasn't this paranoid before but now that DS is here I'm anxious all the time. We moved near the center of town and there are lots of people walking up and down my street so I'm a huge ball of anxiety at night especially. Not sure if I would have called the cops, I probably would have gone into my house and locked the door without helping. It sucks but I'm too scared for DSs safety.

Couldnt police help this guy to get to a shelter or something? I'm not sure he was breaking any laws so maybe they could help?

The KKK/naming thing was bad but I think I missed that thread, I only remember it being brought up from time to time, i dont remember thr original thread. Amber does seem to have grown/changed over time. I think when she first started posting she was VERY young (like 19/20 I think?). I guess it would be easy to make inferences in this situation based on previous information. In any case, its hardly worth an AE...

xmaryrickx

If someone approached me in the driveway of my rather rural home, I would freak the F out. Seriously. And I am not an overly paranoid person. I am not scared of random homeless people approaching me in the city. But in the middle of nowhere? Yeah, no. I would likely have called the police. If he had no malicious intentions I am sure that the police would either tell him to get on his way or offer a ride to a shelter. However if he did have malicious intentions I would hope the cops showing up would scare him off. I can't believe there is anything at all flamable about this. We all have natural instincts. When they say something isn't right, you should listen. It's better to be safe than sorry.

hopanka

I refused to open my door when two dirty city workers rang the door bell in a 90 degree weather, asking for a little bit of water to wash their hands. They were doing something in the road, but i wasnt sure what and i didnt see the city truck's logo that well. Eve if I did, anyone can put a logo on a truck. I was alone at home, so i apologized throuh the closed door that I couldnt help them. IDGAS, if anyone judges me....I live in L.A. and dont want to be on the news. Who cares I'm in a nice neihborhood, we hear that all the time about people being shocked that something had happenned in THEIR neighborhood where nothing ever happens. If I was Ambervan, I would not have been any less cautious.

hopanka

Oh, and the AE shit in this thread is cowardly and pathetic.

+just+j+

I am with Mary - my parents live in the country and they are wary of anyone like this. Its not normal to get someone looking for food in rural areas.

As far as the KKK remarks, i don't understand what that has to do with this post.

ambrvan

I absolutely agree with everything said here. I can't change the fact that I said what I said. I was blindly supporting something I knew nothing about other than what I was told because I didn't want to disagree with DH or admit that he was wrong (he named DS, I gave up the name I thought we had picked together before he ever said anything about his reasons which I really don't think were all that valid or real, just funny to him at the time), thus making me wrong. I was stupid and ignorant and extremely naive. I was only 19. I am embarrassed that that thread will be out there on the internet forever, never to be able to deny I said it.

I used to defend him insanely. I don't make excuses for him anymore. He is who he is, and some of his views of things are just ugly. He now knows that I don't agree or follow him on these and that he is to keep them in his head to himself. I can't change how he sees things. I can only hope that by changing the way I see things, it shapes my children more than he does.

I do NOT feel that way. And I do NOT want my kids to ever have those kind of thoughts in their heads. It is a process to change your way of thinking when you have been raised that way, my family was largely like that. The kind of people who said they weren't racist, but the thoughts were in their heads. It's much easier to stop yourself from acting like or saying things like that than it is to stop thinking like that.

Littlejen22

I brought up the KKK stuff because Tiff assumed the person must not have been white and Ambrvan was all insulted that Tif could think that prejudice would play a role in if she woul call the cops or not. But if you named your kid after the first Grand Wizard of the KKK it is an easy jump to assume you are prejudice and would handle things differently if the person was white or not. So I spoke up saying from that previous post Ambrvan cannot be be insulted that people assume she is prejudice.

Like I said above, I would not have given a thing and would have called the cops regardless too. I think how you react depends on where you are from and I think Tif has a different life experience than most people here even though she has lived here.

+just+j+

I think bringing up an old post and judging her in regards to this matter was unneccessary. And i cant help but laugh and think, i didnt know the KKK was prejudice against hungry people.

But since we are going outside of context, and inserting beliefs, let me add this. Mandela just passed away and he was able to forgive those that jailed him for decades. If he can do that, maybe we can cut Ambrvan a little break. While i give her sons name a side eye, i think ambrvan is helpful, clearly has a heart and good intentions, and contributes a lot to the board. She cant be such a bad egg. She does not push any kind of questionable agenda here, so why cant we leave that in the past? If you are going to hold a grudge against her over something so long ago...then you are not much different.

I say this with respect for you all. Lets try to be kinder to each other, shall we?

Kumbaya
Feliz navidad
Happy hannukah

twister22

ambrvan said:

I absolutely agree with everything said here. I can't change the fact that I said what I said. I was blindly supporting something I knew nothing about other than what I was told because I didn't want to disagree with DH or admit that he was wrong (he named DS, I gave up the name I thought we had picked together before he ever said anything about his reasons which I really don't think were all that valid or real, just funny to him at the time), thus making me wrong. I was stupid and ignorant and extremely naive. I was only 19. I am embarrassed that that thread will be out there on the internet forever, never to be able to deny I said it. I used to defend him insanely. I don't make excuses for him anymore. He is who he is, and some of his views of things are just ugly. He now knows that I don't agree or follow him on these and that he is to keep them in his head to himself. I can't change how he sees things. I can only hope that by changing the way I see things, it shapes my children more than he does. I do NOT feel that way. And I do NOT want my kids to ever have those kind of thoughts in their heads. It is a process to change your way of thinking when you have been raised that way, my family was largely like that. The kind of people who said they weren't racist, but the thoughts were in their heads. It's much easier to stop yourself from acting like or saying things like that than it is to stop thinking like that.

It is very clear that you are a different person now than you were then. People make stupid mistakes when they are young, and I don't think it is fair to try to define a person by that. Ambrvan I am proud of how much you have grown as a person.

Littlejen22

J, on a regular basis I don't hold it against her or bring it up. I was just saying that if you posted things in the past that paint you a certain way it is not crazy for someone to question your motives. That was all I was trying to say. I just did not like that Tif asking if race played a role in this was twisted into her keeping racism alive, that was crazy to me which is why I said something. I am done posting on this, not meant with sarcasm, just meant literally.

ambrvan

I understand and am no longer offended. As I've said before. I try not to make excuses anymore. One of the things I have learned here and that this board has helped hooks me accountable for. I have also learned from my own mistakes and from watching my H that what you do in the past always affects your future. I have mentioned that to some advice seeking posters here before. This is a prime example of what I mean. I accept that.

Thank you all, though, for being willing to see that I am not that same person. It is so hard to convey such regret through this kind of media communication.

dannie2011

I just wanted to add another angle here. It is the Holidays and the time of the year that ppl start to check out your houses. They  try and see what the area is like and who all lives there, they are checking things out on the best time to break in. 

The fact she's in a rural area makes this a very big possibility as the would be thieves could be thinking that everyone is off to work and no one else will notice them. 

He very well could  be hard up and just looking for money to get food, but like a previous person mentioned the asking for money is a red flag. 

We really can only follow our gut, and doing so may have prevented something further from happening.

nurrieum

I know this is entirely after the fact but I live in a rural community but in town, were you saying someone approached you out in the boonies? That USA little different, when you said rural community, I simply think small town.

Moving on, not having been a part of this board as long as many, my impressions are different. Knowing no history of Amber it I still thought her reaction a little intense. You add the race factor and it seemed believable that she wad racist. Still that was when I assumed small town not lonely house in the middle of no where. Still yet though we aren't all who we were at 19. So good growth but sadly the things we do as young people follow us. It seemed to me you were still trying to back peddle but your not because your racist just that you don't wish to appear that way. Still you owned your need for personal growth from past issues and it's over.

ambrvan

nurrieum said:

I know this is entirely after the fact but I live in a rural community but in town, were you saying someone approached you out in the boonies? That USA little different, when you said rural community, I simply think small town.

Moving on, not having been a part of this board as long as many, my impressions are different. Knowing no history of Amber it I still thought her reaction a little intense. You add the race factor and it seemed believable that she wad racist. Still that was when I assumed small town not lonely house in the middle of no where. Still yet though we aren't all who we were at 19. So good growth but sadly the things we do as young people follow us. It seemed to me you were still trying to back peddle but your not because your racist just that you don't wish to appear that way. Still you owned your need for personal growth from past issues and it's over.

Just curious, if you weren't around for that whole shebang to know about that past thread, then why would that have seemed racist? The man who approached me was the same ethnicity as I was. Tifanico, I get, but you? I can only see that you drew ASSUMPTION from other people's comments or that you automatically ASSUMED he must have been not been white from my OP.

And aside from the side path this thread has taken, I feel like everyone has completely list sight of my original OP and now has an image of me standing there with a gun pointed at him threatening to shoot him. I said that IF HE HAD TURNED HOSTILE OR GIVEN ME REASON TO BELIEVE HE WAS TRYING TO PULL SOMETHING I had a gun in the house available for protection. It was not even in the same room or loaded. I will not apologize be being aware of my options for defense in case they are needed. That is one thing I need not apologize for.

As for the rest, I think we have pretty much settled that. Nothing I can say is going to change some people's minds. And that is just something I will have to live with.

Littlejen22

FWIW if someone approaches me like that on my suburban street I would have tried to get in my house and called the cops and waited inside until they arrived. No matter the race of the person I would have assumed they were up to no good especially given it in Christmas time and my childhood home was robbed the second week of December when I was a teen but no matter the month I would get same reaction. It is not normal for a guy to walk up to someone on anything other than a city or at least Main Street asking for money. Does this really happen innocently where other people live? Maybe you will all think I am a paranoid biotch but living in the North East I was not raised to be that trusting and maybe I watch too much Criminal Minds and CSI. And done get me wrong, I am very generous but on my terms. As for the gun, I am anti-guns but I don't think calling the police is wrong, let them figure out if he is legit and how to help him.

CurlyQ284

@Littlejen22, this has never happened to me. Ive never heard of people coming to your home like that. I'm Mid-Atlantic.

I agree, if the cops are called they can sort it out. If he's up to no good, they can make him leave the area. If its innocent, they can help him find shelter or some resource he might need.

nurrieum

ambrvan said:

I know this is entirely after the fact but I live in a rural community but in town, were you saying someone approached you out in the boonies? That USA little different, when you said rural community, I simply think small town. Moving on, not having been a part of this board as long as many, my impressions are different. Knowing no history of Amber it I still thought her reaction a little intense. You add the race factor and it seemed believable that she wad racist. Still that was when I assumed small town not lonely house in the middle of no where. Still yet though we aren't all who we were at 19. So good growth but sadly the things we do as young people follow us. It seemed to me you were still trying to back peddle but your not because your racist just that you don't wish to appear that way. Still you owned your need for personal growth from past issues and it's over.

Just curious, if you weren't around for that whole shebang to know about that past thread, then why would that have seemed racist? The man who approached me was the same ethnicity as I was. Tifanico, I get, but you? I can only see that you drew ASSUMPTION from other people's comments or that you automatically ASSUMED he must have been not been white from my OP. And aside from the side path this thread has taken, I feel like everyone has completely list sight of my original OP and now has an image of me standing there with a gun pointed at him threatening to shoot him. I said that IF HE HAD TURNED HOSTILE OR GIVEN ME REASON TO BELIEVE HE WAS TRYING TO PULL SOMETHING I had a gun in the house available for protection. It was not even in the same room or loaded. I will not apologize be being aware of my options for defense in case they are needed. That is one thing I need not apologize for. As for the rest, I think we have pretty much settled that. Nothing I can say is going to change some people's minds. And that is just something I will have to live with.

Now you are assuming something of me. I said I thought your reaction was intense, I stated that previously because I thought calling the cops on him was a bit much. I didn't mention anything about the shotgun you keep bringing up. So your defensiveness  there is unnecessary because I wasn't referring to that. That wasn't what I thought was intense, it was calling the police- which I get can be beneficial to him but it didn't come off that way to me. Your thoughts on my imagery are yours but are incorrect. 

I also didn't say that I thought you were racist, only that it seemed believable once it was brought up. "She doth protest too much." I get that you feel ganged up on here and feel sensitive. I'm not trying to push you further, I just say what I think. That was my impression you're not required to take it. 

ambrvan

I did feel hanged up on at first, but once but not after my initial reaction of two or three in a row posts that I was too lazy to go back and edit on mobile.

And the explanation of the gun in the abovev was not aimed at you, several people in general. Only the paragraph directly under your quote was aimed at you. I thought "aside from" you'd declare I was s starting a new point. Sorry.

Either way, it's done and over with now. You're right. People can look at this many different ways. That is what you think. And that's ok.

hindsight's_a_biotch

It was a nasty reaction. You repeatedly told him to keep his distance like he was a common criminal and then to make it worse, you put food out on your porch for him like he was a dog. Also, you didn't mention the shelter when you first talked about calling the police so really, you called because the dark man terrified you. 

If you were that damned scared and iffy about his intentions, you should have told him you're sorry but you can't help and then gone inside of your house. But the multiple warnings to make sure you kept him in his place as an other in your neighborhood, no. 

I won't even touch the grand wizard business.

+just+j+

Yes. Mandela. Its at the forefront of my mind as of late for obvious reasons. Its an entirely different extreme, yes, i know. but the sentiment is the same.

+just+j+

I also was saying that a little light heartedly too lighten things a bit.

hindsight's_a_biotch

I don't know that being raised in the Northeast or Mid-Atlantic or whatever has anything to do with it. I was raised in New Jersey, live in PA, in Brooklyn. There are panhandlers everywhere. It's just a different form of panhandling. Obviously, there are plenty of panhandlers who aren't honest about their needs/wants and are out to scam people. If you're concerned, don't give. But barking at them to stay far, far away lest they breath the same air you do while imperiously dumping the least of your food stuffs on your porch for them to take after you're gone is out of order and gross.

If you can't treat people with common courtesy and trust me, there are ways to do that and protect yourself at the same time, then stay away from people. It's just that simple.

As people have pointed out, it's the holidays. Maybe there are more burglars out but there are also people in tighter constraints. The weather is cold, the electric bill is higher, and everyone wants their family to have something for Christmas. I'm not sure why it's easier to presume dude was out on a rapey prowl.

MeredithE

Why did you tell him you were armed? Telling people you have guns in the house is a great way to be broken in to. Guns are valuable.

xmaryrickx

majorwife said:

someone asking for food or money at Christmas time usually gets it from me. do unto others and yay jesus and all that stuff.

I think the OPs reaction was 1000x extra. Add in the recovering racist nature of the OP and I am glad the man is alive and this didn't turn into another George Zimmerman situation.

use all the excuses you want - I live in a rural area, dude was white, there are no homeless here - but you were still a flaming asshole to someone that probably just needed some compassion and instead got judgement

She stated multiple times the man in question was white. So, please explain to me why everyone is assuming this was a racially motivated reaction? Yes there is the backstory of her sons name, but that has nothing to do with this situation, the person who approached her was a white man.

I cannot for the life of me believe that people are all oh yeah it's totally normal for random stranger to approach you in the driveway of your rural home begging for money/food. Say what now? No. It's not normal. Maybe in a town, suburb, city, sure. In the middle of nowhere? No, it's not normal. I am not a paranoid person. I am smartly aware of my surroundings. I likely would have told the person to leave and then called the non-emergency police number. Could this person just legitimately be hungry and in need of food? Sure. Or they could be up to no good. And I for one, don't want to be saying "these thing never happen in my neighborhood" or worse having a loved one say "she lived in such a safe area, we never thought this could have happened to her".
And I would not be freaked out if a homeless person approached me in the city. Or the local town. I frequently give money. Have given food too. But when you live in the middle of nowhere, it's just not something that happens. No one would hear me scream if I were attacked. No one would find me for hours if this happened in the early evening bc my husband isn't home until late. So, by your thoughts if a ransom stranger approaches you in a secluded area, cool, just hand them some cash, maybe ask them in for a warm cup of coffee? Is that what one should do? Because I am fairly certain if you read someone did that and then wound up dead you'd be handing out a Darwin award.

hindsight's_a_biotch

Again, if you're uncomfortable, you say no thank you and go inside your house. You don't dehumanize and humiliate someone by yelling at them to stay far far away from you and throw some groceries on your porch for them to collect after you leave.

cole2144

xmaryrickx said:

someone asking for food or money at Christmas time usually gets it from me. do unto others and yay jesus and all that stuff. I think the OPs reaction was 1000x extra. Add in the recovering racist nature of the OP and I am glad the man is alive and this didn't turn into another George Zimmerman situation. use all the excuses you want - I live in a rural area, dude was white, there are no homeless here - but you were still a flaming asshole to someone that probably just needed some compassion and instead got judgement

She stated multiple times the man in question was white. So, please explain to me why everyone is assuming this was a racially motivated reaction? Yes there is the backstory of her sons name, but that has nothing to do with this situation, the person who approached her was a white man. I cannot for the life of me believe that people are all oh yeah it's totally normal for random stranger to approach you in the driveway of your rural home begging for money/food. Say what now? No. It's not normal. Maybe in a town, suburb, city, sure. In the middle of nowhere? No, it's not normal. I am not a paranoid person. I am smartly aware of my surroundings. I likely would have told the person to leave and then called the non-emergency police number. Could this person just legitimately be hungry and in need of food? Sure. Or they could be up to no good. And I for one, don't want to be saying "these thing never happen in my neighborhood" or worse having a loved one say "she lived in such a safe area, we never thought this could have happened to her". And I would not be freaked out if a homeless person approached me in the city. Or the local town. I frequently give money. Have given food too. But when you live in the middle of nowhere, it's just not something that happens. No one would hear me scream if I were attacked. No one would find me for hours if this happened in the early evening bc my husband isn't home until late. So, by your thoughts if a ransom stranger approaches you in a secluded area, cool, just hand them some cash, maybe ask them in for a warm cup of coffee? Is that what one should do? Because I am fairly certain if you read someone did that and then wound up dead you'd be handing out a Darwin award.

So only poor people from urban areas are allowed to ask for help?

epphd

15% of Americans live in poverty. That's 1:7.  1 in 6 people are food insecure - they don't know where their next meal is coming from. 

So that's around 50 million people in the US who are hungry on any given day.

By contrast, there were around 2 million total burglaries in 2010. Let's round that out to about 5500 per day.

You're saying that despite the fact that there are statistically almost 10,000 times as many people living in hunger as there are people committing burglaries on any given day... you immediately jumped to "a man asking for food is probably here to rob my home"?

That's not just (probably) racist and (definitely) classist, but also just hugely naive. The world must be a very scary place for you.