Need advice please

jfout32

I found out on Sept 11 that about two weeks prior I had a miscarriage. My DH was with me thankfully as I had no significant signs up to receiving the news. My husband has been supportive to some extent but I don't feel like he really understands why I feel such a deep sense of sadness and loss when I allow myself to think about the baby we lost that was so wanted! Lately whenever I try to talk about it instead of feeling like I'm avoiding talking about it feeling like we are pretending it didnt happen, all he knows to say is I'm focusing on the future because I know I'll be a dad and you will be a great mom. While it is sweet, I feel like him saying this doesn't help in the here and now. Am I crazy for feeling a little hurt because it feels like he is just dismissing the loss of our baby? 

OnlyGirlInTheHouse

My fiance is being very understanding and sensitive, but I can tell he doesn't feel it the way I do. That's just one of those things that makes it so much harder for us as women. Not only do we have to physically lose the baby, we must also feel the emotional loss more potently, AND we must somehow be understanding of their inability to feel it the way that we do. At best it makes me feel like I am incredibly strong, and at worst it makes me want to throw a tantrum.

My fiance has been very vocal about not being able to understand or internalize this the way I can, and most of the time he just sits there and nods when I talk. He doesn't know what to say. Really, what do you say as a father? There's nothing that can be said that would make this better, and that might just be where he is. There's nothing left to say. Nothing left to do. The future holds great things for all of us on this board, I am sure, but the immediate past holds nothing but heartbreak. So many people--both men and women-- feel the need to look forward only. Because looking back is just too much.

These are just the ramblings of a person in your situation. You have probably had these same thoughts yourself. I wish I could say something moving and profound, but this is all I have right now. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and I wish you healing and an abundance of future joy.

jfout32

Thank you very much for the advice! It helps alot and gives me some things to think about.