S/O the liven it up thread: Spanking

KLJ3

I was wondering when this discussion would eventually come up!  It's been really interesting to read everyone's responses.

I think that the effectiveness of spanking (my personal definition:  a swat or two on the butt - not hitting, beating, using the belt, etc.) depends entirely on the personality of the kid on the receiving end.  I was a real goody-two-shoes when I was little, so the very thought of doing something wrong and getting in ANY sort of trouble was enough to keep me in line.  I think I might have been spanked once, and the idea of ever getting spanked again was sufficient deterrent.  After I was 6 or 7, consequences typically involved time-out and going to bed without bedtime stories.

I hope to use time-outs and taking away privileges as our main form of discipline, but there are times that I definitely believe that spanking may be warranted (e.g. impending danger / disregard for safety / etc.)...unless C turns out to be the type of kid that spanking doesn't faze.  I think if a child gets to the point where they can rationalize that spanking is preferable to other consequences, they're either too old for spanking or they've been spanked too much.

Hand swats / back of head taps?  They're attention-getters, and I think they can be effective when used judiciously.  (Not like the "what are you, stupid?" head swat.)  I've been amazed at how completely a kid can ignore sharp voices and even shoulder-shaking when they're intent on doing something dangerous.

If nothing is working?  Boot camp in the mountains of Montana. 

flyliceandcoffee

@KLJ3 - you summed up everything I wanted to say perfectly. I wholeheartedly agree with all of that.

I think the form of discipline has to depend on the both the circumstances and the child. I can say I never want to have to use spanking as a form of discipline for my children, but at this point, I don't know what her personality will be and what will and won't work. Like anything else when it comes to parenting, what works for one person may not work for another.

coffeeandbooks

KLJ3 said:

Hand swats / back of head taps?  They're attention-getters, and I think they can be effective when used judiciously.  (Not like the "what are you, stupid?" head swat.)  I've been amazed at how completely a kid can ignore sharp voices and even shoulder-shaking when they're intent on doing something dangerous.

If a kid is intent on doing something dangerous, I think a physical intervention can be necessary and affective...but I am not sure that is spanking, because I don't even view that as punishment.

blush64

I had to write more. I was hoping people were not serious about biting a child. I think that is incredibly wrong. I do not agree with any sort of physical punishment like hitting a hand, spanking, biting etc.

Never say never works for some things but not this. I will never spank or anything like it. (As mentioned)

pnutg

I'm not against spanking but I'm hoping to have one of those kids you just glare at and they stop what they're doing.

MrsM1111

pnutg said:

I'm not against spanking but I'm hoping to have one of those kids you just glare at and they stop what they're doing.

I have a husband who reacts this way - I may have struck gold if she does too!

kmcd23

I won't spank. I wasn't spanked as a kid. DH agrees.

I've swatted out of fear a couple of times with my dogs (Breaking loose and running into traffic), and my niece's hand (almost burned herself). I'm not proud of it, and I have worked hard to react better. I flicked the dog on the nose once out of frustration, and then I cried because I was so disappointed in myself. I know dogs aren't kids, but I'm really glad I had them first, because I learned a lot about my own limits in patience and frustration.

I don't think there's anything really wrong with a swat to the hand to deter dangerous behavior, but I think there must be better ways to do it. I guess I have some reading to do! I will strive to avoid anything physical with G. 

I agree with people who said consistency is key - but I know consistency is very hard to achieve. It's going to take work! 

PumpkinAndThePeanut

blush64 said:

I had to write more. I was hoping people were not serious about biting a child. I think that is incredibly wrong. I do not agree with any sort of physical punishment like hitting a hand, spanking, biting etc.

Never say never works for some things but not this. I will never spank or anything like it. (As mentioned)

Hmm. I think what I wrote came out wrong. I didn't mean I'd bite down hard or quickly. In my head I pictured slowly pressing down until the kid felt something. I kind of imagined them with a surprised look on their face, but not crying, if that makes any sense. Not sure if that makes it any better, and not sure I would even do this - but it makes more sense to me than spanking does.

Shoegal36

PumpkinAndThePeanut said:

blush64 said:

I had to write more. I was hoping people were not serious about biting a child. I think that is incredibly wrong. I do not agree with any sort of physical punishment like hitting a hand, spanking, biting etc.

Never say never works for some things but not this. I will never spank or anything like it. (As mentioned)

Hmm. I think what I wrote came out wrong. I didn't mean I'd bite down hard or quickly. In my head I pictured slowly pressing down until the kid felt something. I kind of imagined them with a surprised look on their face, but not crying, if that makes any sense. Not sure if that makes it any better, and not sure I would even do this - but it makes more sense to me than spanking does.

Exactly.

With biting its not about punishment (well in my example given any way)

I think it's just a case where you might have to do something that sounds a little extreme when your child is physically harming other children (and other methods aren't working).

ETA Also not saying I would do this. (or spank for that matter). I just wouldn't say I'm totally opposed to it in an extreme case because I've seen it be effective.

huzzahuzza

As a lot of pp have said, it depends on HOW the punishment is implemented. I was spanked once and it was because I tried to cross the road by myself, but the spanking I remember the most was given to my brother. I won't say what he was doing (maybe someday when our LOs are 3 and someone has the same problem) but I specifically remember my dad sitting him down and explaining to him that all their other punishments have not worked, and he was doing this to stop __________ behavior. 

Many of you have said you wouldn't spank because it would be done out of anger but I think all punishments done out of anger are ineffective, other than "go to your room" and that's effective because it gives YOU a chance to calm down.