so angry at myself - big mistakes

zyas

I've been debating whether or not to post this and I may just delete it later, but here goes. 

I made a couple huge mistakes lately and I'm so mad at myself and judging myself hardcore. I've been SUPER tired lately - like for the last couple weeks. I have been feeling so overwhelmed with everything and I have a ton on my plate right now (my H does too but I guess he deals with it better than I do). 

Last night we were getting Ava ready for her bath - my H ran the bath for her then I brought her into the bathroom, undressed her and then I LEFT the bathroom to go find her bath toys (which were in the kitchen). I don't know what I was thinking by just walking out of the bathroom. Ava was not IN the tub yet but still - she was in the bathroom alone. I go into the kitchen and my H is making dinner for us. He sees me and he is like "Where's AVA??" and I turn around suddenly realizing I left her in there. My H goes RUNNING past me through the house (our house is small so he didn't have to run far) to the bathroom and I rushed after him with my heart pounding. She was leaning over into the bathtub when we ran in there. My H was pissed at me, and rightly so. 

Then this morning when Ava got up I went in and got her and laid her on her changing table to change her diaper. I had a fleece robe on and it was really hot so I took it off and then I went into my room to throw it on the bed. WTH is the matter with me???? I LEFT Ava on the change table!! not strapped down or anything. My room is right across the hall from hers but still, I normally don't even take a step away from the change table when she is on it. I went back in her room and saw her lying there still and I was thinking "OMG!!!! What did I just do???" and I started freaking out. I didn't tell my H and it's been eating away at me all day. I finally called my mom tonight and told her. I thought my H had left for work but he hadn't and he heard everything I told my mom. I was in Ava's room at the time with the door closed and suddenly the door opened and he said "You did what??". I feel awful and sick over this. 

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. I just needed to get this off my chest. 

EandIMommy86

Sometimes when you are that tired, you don't think before you do something. Yes, those were bad judgements, but you learn from them and don't let them happen again. I am glad that Ava is okay and thank goodness you acted fast.

bumpuser1509193

Is there something that's been bothering you lately?
Don't beat yourself up, from what I can tell, you are a great mom, and a wonderful person.

zyas

Thanks everyone, I really really appreciate your support I am going to be extra careful from now on, it was a bit of a wakeup call. I'll also talk to my H about things. I really don't think I'm depressed (I have been before years ago and this is very different), but I just feel like my head is going to explode sometimes there is so much I have to remember to do. 

Barefoot84

I've also left LO alone in the bathroom after I had ran the bath. I felt really bad about it, and I hope I won't do it again, but mistakes happen.

Your H should be supportive and see that you're doing your best, but that you're exhausted and overwhelmed. You need some rest and some TLC.

You're a great mom and you're doing a great job.

Pandril19

I just want to add my words of support to all the others.  We've ALL done things in a moment of distraction that could have had serious consequences.  It's scary, but you have to be thankful nothing happened, learn what you can from it and then LET GO of the guilt.

Big hugs.

StokedWifey

bellaxanthe said:

Awh hon, you have to forgive yourself. I can see how dangerous they were, but nothing did happen and hopefully it sunk in. You know you won't make the same mistakes again. Have an honest conversation with your husband about your stress level and your regret. It will be ok.

As usual, @bellaxanthe is the voice of reason.  You're a great mom.  We all let stress get to us.  Talk to your husband so he can get a grasp on what you're dealing with and help you out.  Most importantly, don't beat yourself up.  No mom is perfect.  We've all done some WTF things, but have to learn from them on move on.  Hope your head clears soon and you're back on your a game.

JAck5209

Ditto all of the PP's. You're a great mom and we all make mistakes. Try to take some time for yourself so you can relax and distress. Everyone needs a break from time-to-time.

ashleynaka

Well, don't best yourself up! We all make mistakes. At least you know what is going on and can try to be more alert. I think at this age, we think we can trust our LOs more than they can actually be trusted. I also think we tend to think that they know and understand more than they really do, which mentally sort of allows us to do some dumb things when it comes to trust. You're a mom! It will get better and I hope both of your stress levels can lower very soon.