OB weighing in on adoption

ndtrojan

Hi! I am new to this board, and am posting looking advice for a family member. She is pregnant with her third child, and second child that she is planning on putting up for adoption. She does not have custody of her first DS as she has had continual problems with drugs. She recently came to live out with family near me, as her second DS and now LO (to be adopted by the same family) live out here and it is/will be an open adoption. However, her new OB has started to try to convince her to keep LO and not pursue the adoption.

Has anyone run into this before? Is this normal? I feel so frustrated because this doctor cannot possibly be aware of all the circumstances, and is now creating major doubts mere weeks before delivery.

MrsMuenich

No! Give that OB a call! Ppl are SO DUMB.

Dr.Loretta

It's not unheard of for the healthcare professionals involved to state their opinions about the adoption, or to try and sway expectant parents one way or another. Like jalara said, there's not enough info here to know what's really going down. I agree that it would be a good idea for her to take someone with her to appointments to see what's up and provide support as necessary. If she's working with any adoption professionals, they should be marshaled as well.

ndtrojan

Thanks for the suggestions! I think taking someone else with her to the appointments is a good idea, and I'll suggest it to her. If nothing else, it will provide her with a person to discuss what was said at the appointment so she can work out all the issues.

MrsMuenich

@jalara48 I respectfully disagree. BMs are emotionally fragile (which should be expected), so any person she half trusts can cause thoughts and emotions to go careening off the course she had previously set.

If my doctor had suggested I was making a mistake and to think harder about parenting, it would have been really hard for me to stay level-headed and confident, and I had no other issues in my life that would have made me less stable (like a problem with drugs).

But that's just my experience as a BM.

erinmc1

The doctor and nursing staff in L&D really pressured our son's BM to keep him.  She kept telling them to give us the information we would need for newborn care, and give us the updates on his health, but they kept acting as though she was keeping him and leaving us out of the loop entirely, as well as asking her over and over if she was sure she didn't want to change her mind.  I'm sure they were covering their butts legally, but it really bothered her, to the point where she finally yelled at them to be nicer to us, treat us like his parents, she was not going to be his mother. 

NextChapter24

@erinmc1- Can you PM the hospital this happened at if you dont mind. We both live in the same area and this has been a concern of mine.

 

Thanks!