Motives?? (What are your thoughts)

barefootbluejean204

So, I have been doing a lot of thinking and reading books since I have been baby crazy for about 5 months now. Today I read an article about motives for wanting a child and it got me thinking.

It said that the misconception a lot of people have is that "a baby will make me happy and fulfilled" or "being a mom will make me a better person/the person I want to be."

I am confused because a little part of me does agree with the above statements. I know that having a child changes everything. I know that when I am around my 3-yr old niece I feel like I am a much more loving/happy/creative/playful person. I feel like my main reasons for wanting a child are because I want to have someone to love and want them to have a chance at a great, happy life because of me. But now I am second guessing myself, are they just selfish feelings/feelings of needing to be satisfied? I do feel like something is missing a little bit in my life.

 

For those of you who are already moms, what are your thoughts on this?? Am I just over-thinking it? I want to make sure before we start trying (thinking maybe the end of next year) that I am mature enough and my motives/attitudes are right for wanting a child with my husband.

 

Thanks for the advice

bugandbibs

I love being a mom, but some days it really sucks. They make my life happier, fuller, and richer; they aren't the sole reason for my happiness. They add to my life, but I don't expect them to fulfill all of my needs. I think that's the difference. You need to be a complete person all by yourself because your kids will depend on you.

lifeonthehill

I don't have kids but when I am with them I just feel right. I used to teach preschool and work in the daycare and I loved it. Every second of it. I felt young and happy. Even when I would have a bad day and drive home in tears I still loved the kids and couldn't wait to get back with a fresh day.
Also I want to live on. I am not going to be someone the world learns about in history books or be made into a monument. I will live and die a typical woman who can only impact lives I have physically touched. I want to do good for this world and having and raising a child the best I can is my ultimate goal.
H and I are happy on our own. We enjoy our life style and we feel like a complete family. I don't think anything is missing but I do have this desire to add more. We just want to be a bit more financially stable first but we are ready to make the change.

Ardmhs83

I love being a mom and having a child is the best thing that has ever happened to me, but it isn't easy at all.  I was happy to be pregnant and have my child, but in my circumstances it didn't make me happier.  A screaming, crying, non sleeping, colicky newborn isn't fun at all!  I also got really bad PPD/PPA so it made my life a living hell for a little while.  That sounds brutal, but it's honest.  It did change me, I'm a different person for sure.  I feel I'm a better person because of my motherhood journey so far.  However, sometimes I get sad because I still deal with PPD stuff and that only happened because of having a child.  

All in all...everything that I've been through has been totally worth it.  You won't regret having a child...it's wonderful!  Just know...it won't make you happy if you aren't already.  It is hard work and will really push every single button you have.  You will adjust and learn to live your new life as mommy though. 

Good luck!  

DiveFrog

I guess I have to disagree with pp that equate having a child to getting married. Marriage is about a partnership and joining with someone and working together towards common goals and sharing life experiences and supporting each other.

Being a parent is about being a leader, about teaching, and guiding and growing a new person. It isn't a relationship of equals at all, at least not until they reach adulthood. It's a dependency relationship. It may require some of the same things a marriage does like love and patience, but in very different ways, and it also requires a whole different set of skills then marriage.

What I am trying to say is I didn't get married for any of the same reasons DH & I decided to have a child.